Miranda,
Can you fathom this distance,
The one which is diffusing between us?
Can you sense the air, which
Is getting separated into two?
For I can see the roads fogged,
Your scent unknown to my senses.
I can see trees shedding their leaves,
Like old memories dying out.
Miranda,
Can you see the moon shrouded
In clouds, which was once our little game?
Can you feel the wind, Cold
Causing the suspension of love?
For I can see our wishes dissolve,
The strings of our love detached.
I can feel my heart weighting down,
With old promises of eternity.
Miranda,
Can you see the road, familiar
Getting diverged into two?
Can you see the lanes trodden,
Hundred times: hard to remember?
For I can see two pathways chosen,
And trails lost amidst virgin lanes.
I can hear your fainting heartbeats,
Your silhouette engulfed by distance.
But still Miranda,
I will walk into the fog, groping
For your hand and scenting your smell,
Collecting the memories flaked
And piece them together again.
Reviving our little game, and
Amending the strings for a new melody,
Walk the roads winding up in one
And retrace the trails that are lost.
Hear your heartbeats like flams,
Bold and loud to my ears.
Till then Miranda,
Wait for me to come
And miss my heart, if you will?
For the distance will truncate
As the crow flies,
But, till reality exists
I will say
“Miranda is far away.”
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,032 Literary Works • 672,909 Reviews
Hello!
This is very different to most other poems I've read, not that I've read many...
I like the idea of it, it's interesting.
This poem reminds of my life, my expierence, my memories. So I enjoyed reading this poem. I don't really have enything to say what's been wrong, cause i really liked it.
Keep goin!
-Ophelia
Hey, Lastsilverh3r0 here to review you!
I really liked this poem. I feel like it had the perfect amount of feeling to it that most people who are separated from one they love feel, as well as your own personal touch of feeling. That is what makes this poem such a good one. I don't really have anything to spot out on it that I saw was wrong with it, so I'm sorry about that. I look forward to seeing part 2 of this.
Just wow. I walked into this not really sure; a piece titled with just a name always makes me wary, but I am really happy I read this. I think I've managed to work out the general gist of the story that the poem tells; probably about two lovers, separated and wishing to see each other again - but I'm also not definite about it. I do, though, think this is really well written, and I can see how much effort and time you've put into it so easily.
My only confusion is with the last stanza, 'hear your heartbeats like flams'. I'm unsure if 'flams' was meant to be 'flames', or if there genuinely is such thing as a 'flam'. Otherwise, I thought it was a really great piece.
hey! thanks for the review...and regarding your confusion with "flams" here is the answer...flams means loud beats of drum...so i have used it here to describe the moment when the lover will hear the heartbeats of his loved one like loud beats of a drum and will know that she is near....that he has finally reached her....
Okay, so now it entirely makes sense.
so yes, flams should stay in then.