Young Writers Society

Hey, dude! Looks like I am gonna review all of your works and make my way clearer to my next star!

First, as usual, I am gonna start with the title. Goes excellently with the topic of the writing.

You, indeed, have pointed out a good thing. Books are the only things where reality and dreams collide. You have pretty well written your thoughts and ideas. But, honey, I had this feeling that this topic could have and maybe should have had some more lines and sentences. You know, I felt that the essay just started. The writer told what she felt in a few words and ended it. But the reader's, in this case mine, curiosity was not completely quenched. I wanted to read more.

This is pretty much all I would say, not much, I know. But that's all I got to think and feel.

Thanks for this awesome writing!

Hi, Lau! (I promised that I would review this, so... )

Ready? Set? Go!

Grammar and Nitpicks:

Full of Witches, dragons, elves, hobbits, yellow brick roads, dancing trees and so much more.

In one of the millions of parallel universes there is one where all our worlds,dreams and hopes reside.

...where I can't be a dragon rider, where I can't go on an adventure with elves, where I can't Fly with my flock,

Books are were reality and dreams collide.

A place to hide when things are down and a place to stay when were alone.

I have tons of dreams and places I think about.

A place to hide when things are down and a place to stay when we're alone.

Cold serious reality.

IronSpark wrote:For about 10 minutes, go through your piece and find words that can be "elevated". That is, words that can be substituted for other words to make your writing more emotional, resonate more with the reader, etc.

Hi there, Lau! Here to review.

While your thoughts are nice, I'm not sure exactly where you were going with this. It's not personal enough to be a personal essay, and the concept isn't exactly a new one.

It's nice to read, but I didn't get anything out of it. Perhaps elaborate on the idea a little bit. Think about it: if all the nice places in books exist, the bad ones do, too. Think about the dystopian societies featured in The Hunger Games, 1984, and the terrible never ending winter before the children saved Narnia in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

I suggest that you stick to one idea, as well. If you're going to say that books are portals to other worlds, tell us about it. Don't back down and dismiss your thoughts as imagination. Draw parallels from history in the real world to literature. That's what is going to make this short piece an essay. As it is, I feel like it belongs under "other" more than article/essay, as it's not really either.

You should also mention specific texts and reference them if you are seriously considering turning this into an essay. Complete with bibliography and everything. It would add to your argument because it would give more verisimilitude.

If you do intend to expand this, I might also touch on the argument that the other side has: that books enhance reality. Perhaps you should argue that they are an escape.

In any case, formulate a strong thesis and work off of that. I think that this idea would do very well as an essay.

I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

Hi Dear Lau 2001!

This is Eros here!

I cannot stop myself from saying "Ohh! It was really awesome!"This piece was really an interesting one. I loved reading that!

You are a real artist. I love the way you write. The artistic style and the beautiful language.....Oooh! It was great ! Hats off to your wonderful work!

Continue writing...
Our love for your writing is always behind you.