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12+ Mature Content

sweet brokenness

by Snoops

Broken is a funny word

It’s one I’ve never heard

But the words taste nostalgic on my lips

The concept of suffering is stuck to my raw hips

Obsessing over the idea of me

The cliché of absentee

I am a survivor

Not the shooter or the tank driver

I am a victim in a war of taking

He took what he wanted and I was left aching

We’ve taught boys that the world is theirs

And we were fortunate enough to live in tears

Of their hands, grasping for air like they grasp for satisfaction

The pain in the aftermath was that my trauma was just a distraction

My story is every mother’s warning

And yet by myself I am mourning

Rape is the only crime where the victim is muted,

And the attacker is screaming

I am so sick of the unsaid

Using code words for the dead

I am tired of breaking

Just to keep everyone from shaking

My brother told me he’s scared of taking girls home

What’s stops them from cryingyyhg victim syndrome

What a fear to hold

When the contrast is being mistaken for gold

Yours to take, to bury, to claim

I doubt you even remember my name

But it’s been a year

since I last saw you here

a year of tears, yelling and sleeping

counting the days since I was in your keeping

I am struggling to mumble the word healing

I don’t know if I know that feeling

If I really was to heal he wins

He rips my tights again for his sins

Because healing means stopping

It means breathing and sobbing

So I chose to live instead of heal

Instead of pain, I chose a fake ideal

Learned that you can’t run and cry

And that’s a hard one to realise

But I can’t sit here and wait for the pain to leave

I’m not that naïve

I buried that girl from that night

The one that didn’t fight

Stuck under his hands she didn’t say a word

Sometimes I still hear the songbird

Singing the melody from that night

I understand her lack of appetite

I regret never saying that I was sorry

Apologizing to the 17 year old for not being strong enough

I should have been brave and tough

Like those girls in the movies are

Instead I hold a scar

in my memories a year I wish I could erase

Trauma that should be burned without a trace

Maybe the only way to learn how to heal

Is to shake yourself a deal

Ask the devil for your sanity

Paying him the price of your humanity

I am willing to forgive, but not forget

You were never supposed to be a threat

So I wake up every day to make sure you lose

Use my spite to the lingering of booze

You might win every night

But I get back up after every fight

The mornings are mine to take

Finally something you cant break

And so I sing the song as loud as I can

And I never learn my place in a world of man

Instead I learn that PTSD is a broken word

It’s one I’ve never heard

But the words taste sweet on my lips

Drowning his hands from my hips 

AN: I entered this poem in a poetry competition, and although I usually can't stand self promotion, my poem seems to be lost with everyone getting their friends to like it! So I want to ask my YWS friends for help! The link for the poem is:

I am Laura, the girl with the red stripes shirt and the bangs! If you enjoyed this poem, please go and like it! 

Thank you so much! 

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20 Reviews

Points: 1604
Reviews: 20

Sat May 16, 2020 8:00 am
nykolasandrews wrote a review...

I have to say that I have experienced something similar to what you went through. And it’s absolutely terrible. And I’m so sorry that happened to you. Believe me when I say I relate to some parts of this extremely well.

“ My story is every mother’s warning

And yet by myself I am mourning”

This part is true in most cases of sexual assault, unfortunately. Survivors are usually too afraid to talk to people about it because of the stigma against sexual assault victims. It’s such a shame.

“ And I never learn my place in a world of man

Instead I learn that PTSD is a broken word

It’s one I’ve never heard”

God, this part gets me too. So many people don’t understand the extent of trauma and pain and fear that a sexual assault survivor (or anyone else with PTSD) go through. Some survivors bury their trauma, too, so it gets overlooked some of the time because of that. As sad and serious as the problem is, it’s a hard one to take care of. It can be very difficult for a trauma victim to trust other people.

Overall, a great poem. I hope it does well in the contest! Good luck.


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36 Reviews

Points: 2943
Reviews: 36

Wed May 13, 2020 7:54 am
mememimer wrote a review...

A true reality depicted, of women living in a patriarchy. I don't want to say it is amazing because of the experience of the trauma it leaves behind. However, you did bring out the best in form of these words. The following are the lines I particularly liked.

"And we were fortunate enough to live in tears
Of their hands, grasping for air like they grasp for satisfaction"

"My story is every mother’s warning"

"I buried that girl from that night
The one that didn’t fight"

A strong poem indeed.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,

Random avatar

Points: 9
Reviews: 67

Wed May 13, 2020 6:33 am
brookeallo says...

Wow this is insanely good. I'm really glad you entered it into a poetry competition! It was so amazingly written and its a really strong piece. It has a really good flow to it. Your an amazing writer and your story is really powerful. Always keep writing!

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525 Reviews

Points: 27067
Reviews: 525

Tue May 12, 2020 4:00 am
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Tuckster wrote a review...

Hey there Snoops! Tuck dropping by for a quick review today

I want to start by saying that I am so sorry for what you went through. I can't even imagine the pain a violation like that would cause, but I'm glad that you've been able to start the healing process. I will be praying that you continue to heal and find the ability to forgive -- not for him, but for you.

That being said, none of the following critique should be taken as a critique of your experiences or you as a person. I'm passionate about sharing survivors' stories, both to raise awareness about this huge issue in our culture and to encourage other people in their own healing processes.

My favorite part of this poem was the strong narrative arc and the way that you rhymed each line to establish a musical rhythm and structure. The narrative arc showed strong character progression in an inspiring way. You begin with the established character -- insecure, vulnerable, and young. From there, you move to the climax of the story and then the fallout, and finally a happy resolution. You show the transformation from deeply pained to someone healing. It's a beautiful story, and yet you show a level of raw pain that is emotionally compelling. It's truly a well-done character progression.

The main way I think you could improve this story is incorporating stanzas and line lengths in a different way. For example, this line:

And we were fortunate enough to live in tears

Of their hands, grasping for air like they grasp for satisfaction

This is an awkward place to break, and inconsistent with the rest of the poem. I also don't particularly like the word "tears" here, because it can easily be misread as tears and a stronger synonym for tears could have a stronger impact on the reader. But I digress. There are other places where you have lines that are completely different lengths. While there's no need to go over-the-top and mandate that each line follows an exact syllabication pattern, an awareness of it will add to the musicality of the

The way this is all one stanza and isn't broken up has a similar effect to a long run-on sentence in prose. In this case, a long sentence can have a strong effect on the reader; however, this is long enough that I think a stanza break is in order. Pauses are a powerful tool in poetry; you can incorporate it in certain areas to let the last line sink in. I'd especially recommend it between shifts in the narration, but it's up to you and the effect that you want the poem to carry.

In conclusion, the rhyming scheme of this poem added a strong sense of flow, the narrative arc was powerful and captivating, but adding some stanzas and evening out the line lengths could utilize the power of pauses and enhance the rhythm to give it some added impact. I hope this review was helpful to you, and if you have any questions I'd be happy to help out! Best of luck with the contest, and thank you for sharing your story!


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52 Reviews

Points: 30
Reviews: 52

Mon May 11, 2020 11:30 pm
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...

Hello! I have come to review your poem today. Before I get into the review, I am very sorry for what you have gone through with the topics mentioned in this poem and I hope your recovery is going well and you fully recover and put the person you describe into jail. What you went through is and never will be ok and should happen to no one. With this being said, let's review your poem.

This poem is incredibly powerful and really shows the perspective of a victim of rape and how it affects them, how they grieve, and how they deal with it and rise up above the pain and memories attached to that pain. The poem also delves into topics such as society putting boys and men on pedal stools and how they have an advantage over girls and women. These are complex issues that have no real or one solution and rather will take time and debate to solve over time, and you addressed everything perfectly. You communicated these themes very well and did a very good job with the way you handled the topics of the poem. The poem speaks volumes of your willpower to go on and instead of letting everything get to you, you take in stride and use it to speak up about rape and not let your abuser win by silencing yourself and just getting over it, the metaphor about burying yourself is excellent and clever as it shows that you took your past self who was naive and hurt and made yourself a stronger person. Your poem is brave, well written, has a nice flow and rhyme, and is written excellently! You did an extremely good job writing this poem and speaking up about a topic that still seen as taboo and has women and girls being blamed for it daily. I hope your poem wins the contest you entered!

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb