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I am an Immigrant

by Snoops


I am a mix of cultures, languages and traditions,

none of them definitions.

My accent so thick,

people get sick

of listening.

My disease is picking a side

because I am not purified,

my bones and blood

dragged through the mud,

because I don't fit in a box or a square,

made for perfect hair and skin care.

I am sick of the questions and suggestions,

the constant reassurance that I am not like you,

just here to teach you a lesson about world view,

or to fill your diversity spot,

so you don't have to give us a second thought.

A never ending game of “Can you pronounce this?”

as they laugh, drenched in never ending bliss.

“Not from here” labeled on me,

as they asked me why I flee,

never wanting to hear

that I was born right here.

I wonder if people need to listen to me speak or if my look is enough,

to call out my bluff,

that I am hiding under a mask,

afraid you will ask.

My brain juggles three languages faster

than you can call me a disaster,

and although I am always mumbling,

fumbling,

over my own words.

I'm three-thirds,

of what you would call,

reasons to put up a wall.

Why can't we be united?

Because I would be delighted

to open up my arms,

to not set off any alarms,

and just say yes,

and clean up this mess,

to show our ancestors

why we are protesters.


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Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:49 am
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LadyShadows wrote a review...



Hello! LadyShadows coming in for a review!
This is a GORGEOUS poem! It was powerful and it shown a cruel world how a foreign person can feel when they are being mistreated. It was a poem filled with rhythm and rhyme and it was in a proper formatting. This is wonderful. I also love the fact how you used deep emotion and the fact that this piece seemed very close to heart. Keep writing. I loved this very very much. <3




Snoops says...


Thank you LadyShadows! So much! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!



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Mon Jan 23, 2017 6:41 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey @Lau2001, Stella here to review!

So this is obviously something really close to your heart and that really shone through while you were writing it, and obviously at such an unsure time worldwide it is really emotive and powerful. So good job!

I don't usually review content and I'm not looking to reshape the experiences I feel this is built on, obviously, but there were some things in the poem that felt like contradictions to me which I'm going to point out so - don't take this as me saying these things aren't true (if this poem is written from your own experience) but more just that in the context of the piece they didn't make sense to me.

Firstly, the title of "I am an immigrant" just jarred with the content to me because while that would suggest that the round peg in a square box refers to the speaker's original ethnicity trying to fit into the culture where they now live, the speaker seemed more concerned with the fact that they have ancestry from several different places and don't fit into any of these. Which is definitely cool and the speaker obviously has a lot to say about this - but it just didn't fit with the immigration bit for me. As in, being an immigrant and being of mixed race/ethnicity are two separate entities, though they both might be intertwined. But it just made the poem feel less clean because it seemed to compound the two a bit.


A never ending game of “Can you pronounce this?”

as they laugh, drenched in never ending bliss.


Maybe your meaning is twofold here, but I couldn't decide if this meant a) the people from the country of residence asking the immigrant to pronounce difficult words to make fun of their accent? (do people really do this? Gross >.<) or b) laughing at the immigrant's name and jokingly getting each other to have a go pronouncing it. Which seems more likely (and equally gross) to me - I'm just unsure which you meant.

I'm three-thirds,

of what you would call,

reasons to put up a wall.


These were great lines, good job.

The last lines just seemed weird to me, like the last segment starts talking about peace and love and everyone getting along, and then the last line suggests the opposite - of protesting and fighting. It just seemed a weird buildup to that last line to me, I'd consider changing the preceding lines so it comes across a bit stronger. The preceding lines weaken it, or else it weakens the preceding lines, I would recommend picking one approach and sticking to it.

Otherwise, nice job, good read!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x




Snoops says...


Hey StellaThomas! Thanks so much for the review! I named my poem "I am an Immigrant" because of Donald Trump's dislike for them...Does that make sense? I wanted to make a statement! Show my ideas! (I do understand why you're confused and why it may not seem so clean...)


"Maybe your meaning is twofold here, but I couldn't decide if this meant a) the people from the country of residence asking the immigrant to pronounce difficult words to make fun of their accent?"

In my case, people like to joke around when I talk. That's why I said "Accent so thick, people get sick of listening". It's hard to be taken seriously when you can't pronounce everything correctly...

The protesters means fighters in the sense of marching and standing against what's wrong? Like the WomanMarch last saturday?

I'll change it if it isn't clear enough...

Sorry, I feel like I just said "no" to everything you pointed out. That isn't what I mean to do...I just want to explain it.

I do want to say super duper thanks for the review! Really!



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Sun Jan 22, 2017 3:03 am
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Sheyren says...



That was awesome! You mentioning that it was inspired by Hamilton, I imagined the whole thing rapped by Lin Manuel. XD




Snoops says...


I've been listening to the hamilton playlist all day! His lyrics and poems are very inspiring!



Sheyren says...


If you haven't already heard it, you might the soundtrack from his other play, In the Heights. Its about a bunch of immigrants trying to make the best of life.



Snoops says...


I will listen to it now! Thanks for the suggestion!



Sheyren says...


No problem!



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Sun Jan 22, 2017 1:19 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Lau2001! Niteowl here to review this fantastic poem.

Overall, I really liked this. It was heartfelt and flowed nicely when I read it out loud. That said, there are a couple places where I think there could be improvement.

I am a mix of cultures, languages and traditions,

none of them definitions,


I like the idea here, but this felt clunky when I read it out loud. Unfortunately, I don't really have any suggestions to make it smoother, but maybe you can think of something.

A never ending game of “Can you pronounce this?”,

as they laugh, drenched in never ending bliss.


Again, I like the idea here, but the "never ending bliss" part feels odd to me. I might replace it with something like "ignorant bliss" (kind of cliche, but I think it would work) or "privileged bliss".

“Not from here” was labeled on me,

as they asked me why I flee,

never wanting to hear,

that I was born right here.


A couple things here:

1) I think adding "was" to the first line as I did above improves the flow.

2) The comma after "hear" isn't grammatically correct, which I noticed a lot in this piece. It seems like you have punctuation at the end of nearly every line. The rules for punctuation can definitely vary in poetry, but here it feels choppy and takes away from your message a bit. I would recommend sentence punctuation, but it's really up to you. For more info, check out Punctuation in Poetry.

and although I am always mumbling,

thumbling,

over my own words,


"thumbling" should be "fumbling", unless that was an intentional typo.

Overall, this is a strong piece with a powerful message. I loved the ending. Keep writing! :D




Snoops says...


Thanks for the review!! I'll work on it! I'm so glad you like it!



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Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:30 am
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all wrote a review...



hey, here for a review.

Let's just say, oh wow. This poem is screaming what the world needs to be seeing. I really do like this poem, it's emotional and it's raw. I get your message, I feel your message and reading this poem makes me want to do something about it. Writing should inspire and take people and their thoughts to a different planet, and I think that you have just done that wonderfully.

Now for the review part.

I will say that rhyming is hard, and sometimes it takes a lot of thinking through and chopping up sentences to make it rhyme. And i think that rhyming does make it choppy at some lines. For example,

my accent so thick,

people get sick,

of listening.

here the "people get sick, of listening" line comes to an abrupt stop. Not that there isn't really anything wrong with that emphasis on the "people get sick", I just personally believe that doing so cuts the line of thought. Also, rhyming can be difficult to rhyme everything together. I see that you were trying to rhyme ever two lines together and sometimes you didn't. The three lines quoted above are an example and so is,
I am sick of the questions and suggestions,

the constant reassurance that I am not like you,

just here to teach you a lesson about world view,
I don't have a solution for how to fix it, but, maybe taking them out or rhyming them to something could make it stand out less. especially, when you are trying to rhyme two lines at a time.

One quick comment on how you have used commas at the end of essentially, ever single line. Sometimes when you have them put there, its unnecessary and makes it kind of awkward to read.

I'm not going to say any more because this is a fantastically written poem. it's truly empowering. I definitely hope to see more of your works, best of luck!




Snoops says...


Thank you! Im blushing...:) ill fix it tommorow! Thanks so much for the review!




Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx