z

Young Writers Society


16+

one last card game

by Lael


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.


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Sat Sep 05, 2020 11:13 pm
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EliElyna says...



This is amazing! I love this so much




Lael says...


Thank you very much :)



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Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:27 am
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WinnyWriter says...



AHHHH! This is amazing and it makes me want to cry!! Awesome work.




Lael says...


Thank you.



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277 Reviews


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Sat Dec 01, 2018 5:41 pm
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Charm says...



Okay, Lael, this is incredible. The storytelling in this is soooo good. It's so heartbreaking to read it but the way you chose to tell this story is perfect. I love the name part because it adds consistency to the poem but also it really drives home the fact that the narrator didn't really know this person, but they could of. I love this so much. <3




Lael says...


(I'd actually forgotten that you'd seen this a year ago too. xD) It's actually a personal story and I feel that it's one of the poems that I'm most proud of. Thanks for reading again, dwyn. <3



Charm says...


The personal poems tend to be the best ones <3 Keep writing poetry I want to read more



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Sat Dec 30, 2017 9:56 pm
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wordwing wrote a review...



O.m.g. I wanted to review this, but there is just nothing to say. This left me speechless. I love the formatting, I love how you build things up until you flush it all on your readers in the end. This is one of the best, most emotional poems I have seen on yws. I almost cried at the end omagawd. *Casually slips Friend please song into the comment and runs*
Okay, let's be honest, the last line in the third stanza was a bit too long.
*whispers "But I still love it, keep writing amazing poems." into your ear and runs away*




Lael says...


Thanks. :)



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54 Reviews


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Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:53 am
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postmalone wrote a review...



oh my goodness... this kinda made me tear up. wow. you evoke strong emotions in your readers. i do have a question that i don't want to forget, and that's how do you get that format/font/setup into the publishing center? i love that style.

i also just want to point out that there are no mistakes in here. it's perfect just the way it was written, giving me no error feedback and negative changes.

this is beautiful. harrowing. you tell such a simple tale in the start but by the middle you've turned from a little kid to a teenager, and towards the end the voice matures to a young adult. maybe that's just my perception of how the maturity of the narrator changes, or maybe you chose to write about someone (you?) who recalls her past. i hope i don't offend you with anything i say - i'm just giving you all my thoughts.

your use of breaks is beautiful. you, as the writer, know that each is six lines long with exception of the "why? why did you have to leave?" but i just love the repeated style and formatting. your words really drive a point home and tug at my heartstrings.

the fifth stanza breaks my heart. two strangers who could have been friends. my gosh, there are so many people in my school that i want to be friends with, so many that are old friends who don't talk much anymore, so many that are just acquaintances and not buddies. i mean, this line could even stretch to relationships and breakups, but your poem goes elsewhere.

my eyes started stinging because i can't tell you how much i needed to read this tonight. thank you. thank you so much for posting. i'm not going to tell you that you are beautiful but i will say that you are humanly flawed and that is beautiful, your flaws make you you and that is perfectly okay. if you ever need someone to talk to, i am always here. stay strong.




Lael says...


Thanks. I did write this poem because of something that really happened in my school community, but things are okay now. I'm so glad and honored that you saw so much within my poem and that it made an impact for you.

And for your formatting question, that text is actually a picture. I just took a screenshot of my document, saved it on my computer, then uploaded it in the publishing work area. Hope that helps!



postmalone says...


awe, im so sorry to hear. but thank you for answering! i love your way with words. poets are the people i hope to fall in love with someday



Lael says...


Aww, that's sweet! As for me, I have yet to gain more experience in poetry, but this one has probably been my best and most genuine, from-the-heart work.



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Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:38 pm
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KaiTheGreater says...



Can't really think of what to say, except that this really touched me. Thank you.




Lael says...


Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.



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Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:13 pm
Charm says...



:c




Charm says...


I just realized that I commented last year lol.




There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket