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by Lael

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45 Reviews

Points: 1624
Reviews: 45

Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:30 pm
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potatoefry2001 wrote a review...

So reading this, my initial thoughts were that it was okay. Now, knowing that you wrote it from your feelings, I think this is extraordinary!! Your piece was filled with intense emotions and made me cry. I don't know why people say "home is where the heart is," but for you, I gather that this statement is very true in your life! Great Job on the way you express your thoughts and emotions through your art. If you have not already, I suggest you take a trip to the Green Room to read the poem called "hurt" written by me. I would love to hear your thoughts on my writing style! It's my first time writing and publishing publicly for other people to read. Please be honest! anyways, great piece!

Happy Writings!!! :)

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20 Reviews

Points: 1255
Reviews: 20

Sun Dec 02, 2018 4:30 pm
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Aniwriting9162 wrote a review...

I love this poem for it's theme an simplicity, and how we can all empathize with it! When at school we are taught the difference between 'house' and 'home', we miss the key; to us, a house is just a building and a home is a building where people live. What we miss is that 'home' need not be a building, but a place where one's heart lies, and this poem brings that out beautifully!
I do want to point out that the repetitiveness doesn't work that well, in any poem, and actually makes the rhythm worse.
Also, you should try new things with this theme and explore it deeper, and try to make a challenge out of it. Don't be afraid to try new things,use poetic devises, especially imagery and metaphors; they really take a poem to a whole other level.
Though this is a great poem, it might come out as cliche, so just try new things with it, and don't be afraid of them not working; at least you did something new and authentic!!!
That's all i have to say.
Keep up the good work.
And a good night/day to you!

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404 Reviews

Points: 336
Reviews: 404

Sat Dec 01, 2018 2:52 pm
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Eros wrote a review...

Hey there, Lael!!

This is Eros here with a review for you!!

So, i was really attracted by the topic of the poem and i just felt I should really read it out and find out what is inside it.

I was really happy to find a piece, so short and sweet, yet expressing all he feelings and emotons behind "Home" so nicely.

I liked the choice of set of the words that you have used here. I loooooved the format of the pom. It is Soo symmetric and so beautiful. Home is a word of, is a word of, is a word of. Next stanza is can be, can be, can be, then is, is, is... It goes perfectly well with the poem and improves it's flow. So overall, loved the way you have presented those thoughts that are really awesome.

I see, the theme is very simple. And it is short too above everything. In fact, it's just one word, "Home." But the way you have described it is very good. I loved the work.

*Leaves a like*

The poem is short. So that means, you are able to convey all that you want to say, in very little words. That is totally what I love the most. The art and the talent is superb.

The poem flows well, with all the ideas flowing around, and most importantly, linked together in a smooth way.
Especially loved when you said, home can be a person or it can be a place.
So true. Where we find comfort is home. The word is associciated with love. Everything is awesome.

Keep writing such awesome poetries and stuff and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them!!

Have a great day/ night!!

With love,
From Eros.

Lael says...

Thanks for the review! :D

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37 Reviews

Points: 1475
Reviews: 37

Sat Dec 01, 2018 2:45 pm
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Traves wrote a review...

I'm reviewing poetry after months, and I'm hoping to use some of the things I learned from a poetry reviewing workshop here on YWS.

So I like the formatting all in all, it gives a neat and clean visual. It's pretty short so it also has the fact that it is a quick read going for it. The few metaphors are easy to understand and definitely not obfuscated behind layers of others, which I personally like to see in poetry.

I think the reasoning for choosing the current ratio of the length of the poem to the breadth of topics it aims to cover could explain away a lot of my criticism, and if this poem is just an outpour of emotions that isn't looking for correction then of course, all my criticism is moot.

Now the places that as a reader I felt could use improvement are —

i. The overarching message — The entire poem can almost be summarized in the image of an ideal home. Or rather, conventionally what is said and assumed to be a regular home. So, I felt there was a generic feel to it, it doesn't take the word to new places, add new dimensions, or do anything unexpected with it.
Even that would be completely A-okay, but in that case I'd feel more connected and care for the work if it was a bit more personal, specific and real. I agreed that the metaphors are easy to understand, but could use a bit more depth that grounds it. Why is home a person is never addressed beyond being stated. What qualities could a person have that the entire poem could also refer to them? How they make the narrator feel?(and of course generally a home is a place which is why the "or place" felt redundant.)

ii. I feel there's a lack of imagery, poetic language, descriptions or analyses that could hold me as a reader. Again if you're trying something unconventional and I missed the entire point, lemme know. Otherwise, answering some questions in some way in the poem itself might've been fruitful. Why is the narrator truly free at home? Why is home where their "heart" is, whatever that may mean, since heart can be used in a variety of connotations. Why is a home meaningful? what meaning can one derive, when a home could be a person, a place, or say, just a bunch of friendly faces around a campfire? ( the second last line). You get the point. Answering some of those questions might've made the reader empathise more with the narrator.

iii. The repetition could be avoided. The word home is repeated one too many times, especially when the length of the piece is already short.

I don't have a lot to add as I'm not very picky about punctuation and capitalization because any thing I say in those regards might not be helpful as I'm a novice at poetry myself.

This is my general view of the poem, and I do believe that you captured almost all the dimensions that an ideal home could be which is great, and you didn't go beyond naming them and letting the reader read any layer of meaning into them.

Keep writing and sharing!

Lael says...

Hello, thanks for the review! I sort of wrote this poem by feelings, so this is how it turned out. xD Your critique is very thought-provoking and I%u2019m glad you thought it was nice anyhow. Once again, thanks for reviewing my poem.

Traves says...

My pleasure. It makes sense now that I know that you wrote it by feelings.

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl