Starlight

Hey! I am SecreteJournalist, reviewing for the Green Lanterns! Happy review day.. and welcome to YWS!

I LOVED the imagery in this poem, truly amazing! The rhyme scheme was great, I saw no flaws in that. I think you did an outstanding job! '
What was your inspiration?
I love to know inspiration in a poem

I am on a time flip right now... I am terribaly sorry for the short review. Just got a meeting to go to, I wanted to squeeze in 1 more review!

I did like this poem, great job! Keep writing, and I will keep reading !!!!!!!!!

~Sincerely
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie

The imagery is beautiful. The flow of the poem is smooth. You have shown that with simple words, you can create an effective and lasting impression.

The rhyming is also meticulously done which clearly is the plus point of the piece. I am not sure, some of the 'commas' are probably not necessary.

Overall, it's a good poem and I read it twice to savour and feel its impact.

Well done.

Hope this helps.

I really like this!

You did a great job of creating imagery here. Especially in the lines:

"my wandering desire,"

and

"The empty promise burns,"

Very nice.

Hey, here for yet another review.

I thought that this was very good. Your flow was smooth, in my opinion, and you topic was covered and not to overly covered, if you know what I mean. The length is very good, not to long, and not to short.

Your alternating rhyme scheme is clearly well thought out and very good. I love rhyme, and I loved this.

One thing that I did notice, however, was your capitalization alteration (are you laughing while reading that, because I laughed while writing it).

You only capitalized the first letter of every sentence, unless otherwise necessary to avoid grammatical error.

But then, on the last two lines,

You catch my eyesight,

You are my Starlight.

This is awesome!

First off I have to say that I chose to read this because anything with the word starlight seems appealing to me. I can see where you are taking this poem in the beginning but I get a little confused when I get to "but the shine is the dance" I think this poem would really benefit from some more punctuation as I was confused about how I was supposed to read it.

For example, I think that you could use periods instead of commas or if you prefer the commas, try adding periods so the reader knows when to pause.

"You are my Starlight.

My wandering desire,

always in sight,

always reaching higher.

Taunting the universe,

but the shine is the dance,

a familiar curse,

I take my only chance."

Just a suggestion of how I would punctuate it, I think it reads with more feeling behind the words this way. Another thing I love is how you begin and end with the same line. I have always been a fan of this when it is done correctly. Overall I like the tone of the poem but I really believe it would benefit from more punctuation.