Some would see the world a darker place now,
Because they are left with an empty space in their hearts,
Because the armchair is lighter and the dinner table is missing a plate,
Because of the tears and the sorrow.
But I don’t see it as a darker place anymore,
I see it brighter now than ever before,
Because of the memories holding us all together,
Because the heart doesn’t ache for just anybody.
It aches because it has to, it needs to.
The night is darkest right before the dawn,
And that’s what it means, this heart ache is temporary,
The tears and the sorrow are wiped away,
And what we are left with is the man we all knew and loved.
Not a shadow in the background, nor a forgotten dream,
But something bright and good, something that can be held on to forever,
The memory of you cannot be tainted, it can only flourish now,
The heart hasn’t been left empty at all, it has been filled with joy disguised as grief,
The heart stops aching, it becomes lighter than before,
Like a butterfly in a cocoon, the outer shell thrown away,
And what we are left with is something beautiful, something tangible,
Something we can grab a hold of when we fall.
The heart holding onto your memory, the life you lived,
The life that changed so many others,
When the heart ache falls away, we are left with a picture,
A picture of you sitting in your armchair with a cup of tea and a biscuit.
Goodbye Grandad
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140,364 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
Hi and my apologies if this review is not what you expected since Iam writing after a long time.
I think your beginning was very good since it made me want to read more and your poem ,in general, was worth reading and very nicely done. You have done a really great job describing what it feels like to lose someone you loved dearly. Your poem can paint a good picture of what it was like to actually have your grandad and all the special memories you are left with.
I think the idea of writing this poemwas really good. It' s always good to read something like this. Have a good day and hope to read more of your poems.
- Anshira.
Hey, LMJRayner!
I liked how you opened up withe reasons of sorrow:
Instead of saying 'I miss you, I wish you were here' you go straight into it, saying 'this is why life isn't the same for this reason and this and this'. It is effective. It is bold. I liked that.
I like the contrast of the first four lines to these four lines. From darkness and despair, you tell us that no, its not like that and tell us why it is not like that. Although, I thought that it could have been a little better by making it three 'because's to make it look equal to it, but that doesn't really matter as it doesn't have to be perfect. Just emotive and meaningful. Which it is.
I really did enjoy reading this. It flowed ever so nicely, it was very emotive and made me feel quite emotional as it is realistic and people can relate to it, it had the positives and negatives to balance it out, and it gave hope to those ones who have recently lost a loved one. Even though it is a sensitive topic, you went about it carefully and thoughtfully. You didn't rush it. You didn't make it dramatic. You kept it relatable and not over the top. It was lovely. I really enjoyed reading it.
My favourite line:
That is a perfect image of a loving grandad, you can tell you have thought about the characteristics of a grandad.
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
Hey, lyricalrebel here to give you a review. Let's start with the nitpicks first.
In some lines, you put commas where there should be a period. Because it creates a feeling that the sentence is too long and sometimes it becomes a bit off when you read it. For example:
"But I don’t see it as a darker place anymore,
I see it brighter now than ever before,
Because of the memories holding us all together,
Because the heart doesn’t ache for just anybody."
There are lots of lines like that and I hope you know what I mean so you could figure things out.
Next, the word "heart ache" here.
"And that’s what it means, this heart ache is temporary,"
It should be "heartache" because "heart ache" is an action or event happening, since "ache" is a verb, instead of an emotion which, I believe, is what you meant to say in that line.
Here in this line, it should be "hold on".
"But something bright and good, something that can be held on to forever,"
Lastly, a period should be placed at the end of this line.
"Goodbye Grandad"
Actually, what I liked most about your poem is the theme. Everyone loses someone so I think everyone could relate to this and you are right about being left with the best memories instead of the grief. It was nice to read something like this. Thank you. I hope I get to read more of your work.