OPEN

Happy Review Day!

Structurally, the perspective is a bit confusing. When you say that "The howls and growling of fighting wolves carried her speech away," it throws me off, since I assume that the speaker is the one who is narrating. Should "her" be "my?"
Also, you need to start new paragraphs before "The neutral packs stood on the sidelines," "Both dark packs halted," and "the battle continued for hours."

The wolves' chant seems fine, except for the last line, "You are a shame." I don't really get what they mean by that, and that kind of throws the entire mantra off.

You repeated "won" when you probably shouldn't have, so you might want to try "We may not have won, but we hold victory in knowing we fought valiantly in our souls."

As for nitpicks:
"eyes" should (probably) be eyes'.
Should there be a "the" in front of "Alpha male of Dark Infinity?"
"bearing." Now, this is a bit tricky. It's not technically wrong, but it did throw me off. Bearing is to have, which is fine, but baring is to reveal, and the latter is more often applied to the description of fangs and claws.
"dip" dipped.
"bubbles" bubbled.

Overall, this piece featured a few minor flaws, but it was still an enjoyable read. Touch it up a bit and it'll be positively exceptional. Cheers.


-Chaser

Hi there! Thought I'd visit the green room and see what's new. I have fun with anthropomorphic animal stories so this caught my eye.

My first thought while reading is that the "chats the oncoming darkseeker pack" feels belated. I think the advice is generally to put the dialogue tag after the first reasonable pause, so like after the first comma. I'll also add that the whole chant is kind of a confusing intro, because there's no context I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know what to picture, one or many, person or animal or inscription, where or when, etc. Personally I like to set the stage a teeny bit first and I think that's why it's advised not to start with dialogue.

Some of the wording felt a bit clunky to me. "Their ... forms transition ominously" is an example. I think the fancy wording gets in the way of the picture it's trying to describe. I got stuck trying to figure out exactly how one could transition ominously, rather than smoothly reading through the prose and imagining this awesome scene. Vivid descriptions have their place, but I like to be careful and strategic about their placement--we want them to have impact, but not distract.

The first two paragraphs sound almost like a prologue. They seem a bit more distant and grandoise. It took me by surprise to find out that it's meant to be in first person, because initially I thought it was an omniscient point of view. You might consider introducing the narrator right away. One of the strengths of first person is being able to infuse the narrator's personality into the text and have lots of commentary and opinions on what's going on. My recommendation is to jump in with that early, and colour the description of the battle scene with the perspective and personality of the main character.

Some grammar things relating to dialogue: if the dialogue ends but the sentence keeps going, use a comma instead of a period, such as after "That is a valiant speech." Also a new speaker should have a new paragraph, so I would suggest the initial bit with the alpha male barking "War!" get moved into its own paragraph. Right now it kind of blends together with the discussion of the pup.

I was a bit curious why the dream came up so suddenly. Did she forget and then suddenly remember right at that moment? Since we're in first person, it felt a little like the narrator was withholding information from the reader. Did she not get a chance to warn anybody after she awoke from the dream, or before the battle begins?

It took me a while to figure out that the main character is part of the neutral pack. I had to read between the lines a bit. You might want to make that clear from the outset, like when she mentions the neutral pack she could mention that she's standing among them or something like that.

How did they decide who won? Did both sides get tired and give up? Since it was important enough to go to war over (and with their own kind, no less), and they fought for hours, I'm surprised they didn't fight to the last man standing. Or, maybe more realistically, until one side broke first and had to retreat, allowing the other to claim victory. It just seems to me that the pup is SO important, so why would they give him up to the neutrals? Surely greed would win out, haha.

At the end, I had a really hard time following who was speaking. Who says "That is fair. But we will always be enemies"?

I like the hint at the end that the pup is related to the narrator. Maybe they are both prophets. Sounds like they will have an exciting time getting to know each other, while all sorts of conflict rages around them about their fate.

Thanks for sharing, and happy writing!

Sorry the writing is weird. I typed this on my tablet.