OPEN

Review for you!

Well, you certainly have the mood in place. My suggestion is to elaborate a bit on the setting. The night, although cliche, is pretty much the shortcut to ominous/mysterious/Batman.

The characterization seems well-put, and nicely done for so many characters. However, I agree that the large descriptive paragraph could be broken up a bit, and the details sprinkled in between chapters. Readers tend to remember events and behavior better than appearance descriptions, so it might help to make certain characters stick.

The characters of Embark and Alpha are understandable and easy-to-grasp. Especially the part where they glare at each other. The only complaint I have is the lack of monologue from Embark until he is named. Surely he must have some reaction to this!

I understand the confusion behind Arya's mark, but that won't stop me from asking how the mark is given to retired alpha females. Elaborate, or don't. It's your choice.

Alpha's line about Luna and Daskar caught me off guard. Maybe you could lead into it with a behavior or just plain say who's talking?

Fate's appearance was completely unexpected, and, to be blunt, pretty cool. I'm guessing that he's there to give the rogue his blessing? Or something like that. It's just something that confused me a little. You could also extend his moment further; I don't think anyone would mind.

I couldn't find any formatting, grammar or spelling errors, but maybe I'm just lazy. Overall, it was still an interesting chapter with plenty of plot leads, so maybe I'll follow it from now on. Cheers.


-Chaser

Hello, steampowered here for a review this fine Review Day!

So again, you have some tense changes in this chapter. I’m going to assume this is accidental rather than deliberate, but if the present tense is intentional and part of your style you might want to change the way you write it so it’s less confusing for your audience. For example, you could maybe italicise the first few paragraphs of every chapter and put them in present tense. This might not work so it’s just a suggestion! If you don’t want that to be part of your style, I’d suggest keeping all the tenses consistent. Choose one, stick to it and be aware that you tend to change tenses when it comes to editing.

Anyway, let’s get started!

Behind him, eight wolves emerge. Alikaish, a blue merle she-wolf with a brown, ringed tail; Shofar, a sable male wolf with red paws, Tobaius, a male wolf dark as night itself; Kraken, a black and cream she-wolf with ambition and protectiveness strong as a lioness; Byzantine, a red tweed male with distinctive markings that made him look unearthly, mate of Kraken; Midst, cool and collected daughter of Kraken; Northwind, respectful and daring son of Midst; Madfur, a brindle male wolf with extra toes and a blue jay feather tucked behind his ear; and Ambrosia, a chatty and obedient blue tick she-wolf expecting pups; Arya, a blue tick pup that was oddly calm and quiet; and Hind, a she-wolf who used to be the alpha female of another pack; and lastly Sepentine, a she-wolf with the gift of prophecy and vision beyond celestial.

He breaks off as a shadow warped into existence, moving back and forth rapidly as if it were a glitch to the world. Alpha dips his head at the shadow, and it sinks back into the roots of the earth.

"You will now train as a prentis,or apprentice."