The Last Flight of the Niho

Thanks for the comments/review.

Now, my next issue, the Captain name, also needlessly complicated even in Science Fiction names tend to be pronouceable but here you are unsure of how to say it. If you had thought about readers here you would have given them an easier name to say.

I thought I had made it fairly pronounceable. I tried to chose a combination of characters that, while exotic, could be easily broken down into syllables with the rhyme scheme being the key to how the "y" is said. The pronunciation I had in mind for the character is Zed Zak-axe-I-low, though there's some leeway with how the first three syllables can be pronounced. Similarly, Niho could be pronounced either Nigh-hoe or Nee-hoe, and Zisol, either Zee-saul or rhyming with Lysol.

If it wasn't for the lines getting bit stunted or coming off too verbose for flow, I'd not do this review.

I thought they flowed just fine. Each of the lines has either 12 or 17 syllables (with the exception of the final stanza), and while the pattern of emphasis changes with and within each line, I tried to keep this shift at a natural pause around the 10th syllable for the 17-syllable lines and at the 6th for the 12-syllable lines.

The reason why I chose such long lines in the first place was because the villanelle is a very structured form that requires several of the lines to be repeated, and the longer lines gave more space between repetitions and more room for alternate interpretations of the repeated lines so that the repetitions weren't as obvious or forced-sounding.

Something to consider perhaps?

Maybe, but it wouldn't fit into the villanelle form anymore, and I'm quite fond of villanelles. XD

Hello I'm LastPaladin and I'm here to review your piece. To begin with it was a valiant effort, much like the Captain's but my main reason for disliking this is it overly complicated line structure you try stuff too many words in and it detracts I first noticed it:

Invasive, mutated-to-epic-size bugs which ate all the milo.

And I won't lie, until then was enjoying the piece but this just threw me off, it seem needless, you could have said it much better in less words and not detracted from flow.

Now, my next issue, the Captain name, also needlessly complicated even in Science Fiction names tend to be pronouceable but here you are unsure of how to say it. If you had thought about readers here you would have given them an easier name to say.

If it wasn't for the lines getting bit stunted or coming off too verbose for flow, I'd not do this review. But this poem is great, I just wished you carried on the epic and given us how they fought and died with honour at the Queen's hand.

Something to consider perhaps?

Overall, it was a valid attempt and it shows, you just need to halt verbosity a tad and remember that poetry requires a flow and must never ever sound disjointed.

Hope this helps.