So there was this chihuahua
that lived in the Bahamas
surrounded by hot mamas
(in case you didn't know
the tropics are so steamy
that everyone's so dreamy
and smiles are always seemly
on faces all aglow)
and well, this chill chihuahua
who lived in the Bahamas
surrounded by hot mamas
had nowhere else to go
just like my chest congestion
keeps bringing me to question
the cuteness that gets mention
every time I throw
about the topic of phlegm
just like some would condemn
the purpose of this poem
being one that I don't know.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! This is the funniest poem I have ever read in my life! You are an excellent poet, Kyllorac. Also, the rhythm is almost perfect! You tried a little too hard to be funny in some places, but overall, it was absolutely hilarious and totally random. I also love the rhyme scheme!
Haha. Thank you. It was fun to write.
Good one! It was quite amusing, and I like it! I even like the style of the uncapitalized letters at the beginning of each line.
One thing: The "chest congestion" and '"phlegm" thing seems to make the poem out of context as you've suddenly changed the topic. It's my opinion, anyhow. Otherwise, it's a really cute poem.
Keep it up!
Mist
The non-sequitur nature of the chest congestion was deliberate, mainly because there was no real point to the poem to begin with, except to involve words that rhymed with "chihuaua", play around with structure and repetition, and while away a nasty chest cold.
The chest cold also made me sound really cute, apparently.
I love this. It's all rhymes.
perf,perf,perf.
( well, some ) But I still love it!!
Thats my review!
Keep it up,
Britt
Thanks for the comment! The technique I used is called assonance, and it works by matching the vowel sounds. A similar technique is called consonance, and that works by matching the consonant sounds. Traditional rhymes are a combination of assonance and consonance.
*rambles about poetry techniques*
This poem sucks, because you didn't tell us the chihuahua's name.
I was leaving room for interpretation, duh. Not everything needs to be spelled out.
Hey Kyllorac. You don't know me but I can be a fan of your writing at times.
I didn't like this in particular because it's a little to easy to be random but at the same time it was for a good cause. I know how annoying it is to read forced rhyme that makes absolutely no sense. I use to do the same all the time but I've seen the error in my ways.
Now about the whole 'can't break it into stanza's' -- you most certainly can but it might require you to have to edit some of your words. It could help because half way through it gets annoying to read, sorry to say. If it was broken up into points it would be easier to digest and might sound a little less like rambling. Although, I'm not absolutely sure if making your poem break apart into logical stanza's would take away from your message. Are you commenting on lazy writing that is slopped onto the page or just forced rhyme in general?
Anyways, thanks for writing
...I think my reply just got eaten...
AGAIN IT GOT EATEN WHY???
Huzzah! Random! This reminds me an awful lot of Spike Milligan, which definitely is a compliment by the way.
Anyway, I like the fact you could be bothered to make this rhyme because without rhyme and rhythm this would be almost nothing. As it is it would work brilliantly as a patter song and has the plesent overtone of a Cleve lymeric.
Now I suggest that you split this up into stanzas, because it would prevent muddling whilst reading, and you poem is one where it is easy to muddle yourself!
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Limericks and I have a long history of getting along well with each other.
I thought about splitting this into stanzas, but there really aren't any good spots to split it at that don't break the flow of the rhythm or ideas. Plus I think the muddling ties in well with the muddled ramble of an ending and the crazy mishmash of everything.
I thought of that also, it is merely an opinion I give.
I know, and it's a sound opinion. :3
You know, randomness like this is what makes life worthwhile. There are so many things I like about this: its nonsensical style, its repetition, its irregularity. This was great fun to read. The ending, in particular, deserves special commendation, if only because it completely abandons the rest of the poem, and (yippee) rambles. The fact that the poem is just a mass of enjambment with a full stop at the end should irritate me, but it doesn't, perhaps because it suits the poem's style so well. Poems really don't need a purpose other than to entertain; one which this little number fulfills splendidly.
I'm quite fond of the ending, too, and of silly poems in general. I have a few others in my portfolio, and if you don't mind a bit of potty humor, you can always check out the infamous pee poem I wrote that was featured for forever.
Here's BitterRosemary here to give you a review! Let's get started!!!
LOL this is brilliant. Sometimes you just feel the need to write about random things and thats OK. Songs and poetry don't have to be somber and serious all the time.
I love that you repeated
" this chihuahua
that lived in the Bahamas
surrounded by hot mamas"
It added a continuity that it would have otherwise lacked.
Congrats, this is a wonderfully fun poem!
Never quit writing!
BitterRosemary
I repeated that part because I was too lazy to come up with anything more creative. XD I'm glad it actually added something to the poem, and that you enjoyed it.