5 months 21 days and 1 hour.
The clock ticks slowly beyond my power.
I’m left alone in my tower.
The soothing air wafts through my window from that flower.
Call me crazy, but I’m counting down by the hour.
.
5 months 21 days and 1 minute.
They say to know your limit,
But I just want to know how to demit,
This place of time-keeping bit by bit.
Call me crazy, but I’m just counting down by the minute.
.
5 months 21 days and 1 second.
They basically handed me the weapon,
And said, “You won’t use it, I reckon.”
But I just need time to not threaten.
Call me crazy, but I’m just counting down by the second.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi! AnotherCrowInRow is here with a review of this awesome poem!
I really like how the verses work in each stanza - you start with a countdown, then the verses rhyme with each other and you end it with "Call me crazy, but I'm counting down by the ____". It's cool, and the whole poem feels kind of...more connected afterwards. With many poems, it happens that the individual parts look like something completely independent and unrelated to the rest. It didn't happen here, and that's very cool =D
The poem feels quite fluid when I read it aloud, the pace is more or less regular.
Interpreting a poem is always the hardest part for me, heh. Mostly, I simply follow my feelings and impressions that I had about the poem while reading it - it is clear from this poem that the narrator is somewhere he does not want to be. He is counting down every single moment until he can be free. In previous reviews (I only skimmed through them quickly so that my opinion was as much as possible influenced only by me) I caught Rapunzel in the tower... Well, yes, I thought so too at first, but as the poem went on, I saw less of Rapunzel there . At the sentence "They basically handed me the weapon, And said, "You won't use it, I reckon." "chills ran down my spine for a moment. So I don't think it's completely "Rapunzel syndrome" (oh man, that sounded terrible, but I couldn't think of a better name) - it's more like the narrator knows when they'll finally be able to leave his "tower" (I have a strong feeling that the tower is just a metaphor for something else) and they couldn't stop counting down the seconds until they would finally be free. But there are, as always, more ways to interpret the poem - on the second reading, for example, I thought that it could easily be a poem about leaving a toxic environment.
Hae a nice rest of day/night/whatever and stay safe
Ty for the review!!
Hiii there Kae!! So nice to see you posted! ^^
It’s your favourite, Coffee! Dropped by to leave a review to remember!
Onto the review!
To start off, I love the mysterious sense hanging over the work, it’s really intriguing and I wonder what it’s really about! Very cool layout and story!
I really love this stanza as well as y’know, the whole poem!
This really reminds me of when in war, horrible commanders and soldiers would be instructed or instruct to strap bombs onto unsuspecting victims and they would be thrown into an area to die and kill those around them.
It feels hopeless and manipulative like a snake is curling around you and hissing seductively in your ear, telling you to do it, it wouldn’t hurt.
Oh, but it would. It would tell you things and tease you, control you into doing it. Whatever it is it needs you to do. Just use you and throw you away like an unused piece of crumpled paper. Useless…
You feel yourself slowly but surely slipping away, you try to grasp onto hope, onto your consciousness but you just feel yourself slipping-your hands slowly losing their grip and you fall and fall, deep into a rabbit hole. You lose your sanity eventually and end up just where they want you to.
Rather a dark turn, am I right?
Hahaha, this is probably way off than what you meant!
I love the other stanza too, like Ellie said, it really did strike me as uncannily familiar to Rapunzel! Great reference even if not intended!
Overall, thank you for gifting us with this wonderful work and have a good day/night!! ^^
Hey Coffee! Haha your review could be an actual story itself. I was writing about the time I had left until I can move out of a toxic household... But I didn't to mention that and instead just leave it to the audience to decide! It certainly did it's job! I like your interpretation better lol. Thank you for the review!!~
Hi! Awee! Thank you so much!
Oh, I certainly can%u2019t imagine what you must%u2019ve gone through but I hope you have a brighter, happier future ahead of you! I can certainly see one!
Hello once again, friend
First of all, very interesting rhyme scheme! I love how you used the same rhyme for every stanza. We go from 1 hour, to one minute, to one second throughout the piece, which was a time touch.
This really made me think of Rapunzel stuck in a tower. I like the describing words you used, like soothing, to describe air. It is cool to take things that don't have feelings or emotions and assign them these hum like characteristics, of being. soother. This makes me think of someone who is alone and trapped, without someone who they really love. So I instead, they have found comfort in the beauty around them. Air least, what they can see from being stuck. This really plays on perspective and how much gratitude we can have for little things when we donuts have a lot to begin with.
So every first line begins with a countdown, as well as the last line in every stanza. I feel like with this type of writing, you were really exploring your rhyming abilities. To make it flow better, I would recommend mixing it up a bit and reading all of the rhyming lines out loud to hear how they flow. I bet you did that already though, haha. Just some parts are different lengths so it feels a little strange when I am reading it out loud.
Like this for example:
But that is such a tiny thing and seriously your rhymes are amazing! Writing something like this is really hard and you should be proud of yourself for writing something like this entirely on your own. Personally, I would love even more details. I feel like it's sorta the same message repeated three times, so I would love to hear more personal details about what you are waiting for and why it matters so much. We go from waiting to talking about weapons and other people, so it confused me a bit as to what exactly we are waiting for/what it is about.
But overall, nice poem! Thanks for posting and I am looking forward to seeing more soon!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey Ellie, thank you for the review. Yes, I always struggle with finding rhyming words haha. It's something I need to work on some more....