The waves slammed against the shore,
But my thoughts were racing more.
All those days I felt worthless,
Came back to the surface.
I was slammed right back underwater,
And I was beautifully slaughtered.
~
And I realize now that it is crystal-clear,
The difference between being okay and secure.
When you stop giving into worry,
And start living in the glory,
The smallest things bring you feeling,
And that’s how you know you are healing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Let's dive into this wonderful beauty...
A Little Skimming - First Impressions
Ah, this is a simple and short, yet somehow sweet small poem. It has a consistent coupled rhyme scheme, the first stanza speaking of hurt, pain, and doubt, stirring into a metaphor of harsh waves and unforgiving currents. The second stanza shines a ray of light onto the first, making things lucid as to how pain can heal. Hurt can fix. Brokenness can mend. Even though suffering can be painful, you come out of it a stronger, better person.
Love it! - Parts That I Like
Wow. Where do I start?
I love that connection you did, comparing your racing thoughts to the rapid and fast waves. It really personifies the harsh condition of the swells, and I am a huge fan of personification!
Wooooaaaaaah. That was deep. Like, so deep, I couldn't touch the bottom. I was treading water at this part. This was a sort of an oxymoron (and no, I'm not trying to insult you) that was wonderfully constructed. You made "beautiful" and "slaughtered" sound possible standing next to each other. Very clever!
Mmm... I love the message of that part. Gosh, you could teach a whole sermon on just those two lines. Stop giving into worry. That is such a huge problem today (especially in Gen Z.) Anxiety. Worry. Those things are weighing society down in such a sad way. But you put the solution to that here so simply. JUST STOP WORRYING. Enjoy the present. Be thankful for the glory of life. Love that!
Again, the message of it is *mwah* -chef's kiss-, but I alos love how you just about summed the whole poem up in the last two lines. You gave the reader the gist of the whole thing in just one phrase. That was very cool and talented, how you did that. (and I just love the rhyme scheme!)
I also like the consistent rhyme scheme! You aren't spontaneous with it, always keeping a steady beat. I struggle with that, but you basically did it flawlessly. Teach my your ways!
Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
Only one correction! It's really small, and completely unnecessary if you aren't willing to make changes to your work. I just thought I'd mention it, just in case.
I did think the rhyme was a bit off here. I understand how it could rhyme if you say it a certain way, but "-ear" and "-ure" just don't seem to blend right for me. I don't know. Maybe my ears are just broken (but hey, brokenness does bring healing, so...) but that just threw me off a tad.
Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
That was, overall, a beautiful and fantastical poem! Keep writing!
Inferno
Thank you for the review! I was struggling to find something that rhymed with secure lol. It was either secure or content and neither of those could I come up with a good connection~
XD Yeah I have that problem all the time. Here are some words that might work with secure:
Your, Cure, Pure, Sure, Tour, Lure, Endure, Ensure, Impure, Demure, Detour, Insure, Mature, Obscure, Unsure, Assure.
Ty! I%u2019ll have go back and change that a little
Nice poem written by the author.
"All those days I felt worthless,
Came back to the surface."
The feeling of being unhappy about whatever is happening with you is an emotion very commonly felt by people around you, though they may not speak anything about it but they feel it. It is okay to feel sad and regret about some of your past decisions or anything which hurt you and caused you sadness but, feeling unworthy, and thinking you are the reason behind every problem you are facing is not okay.
Yes, you can have some alone time and improve yourself but don't ever think you are unworthy. No one is worthless.
The first paragraph about being 'broken' is well described by the author.
"When you stop giving into worry,
And start living in the glory,"
We all face different types of problems and hardships in our life, but it depends on us if we will be strong enough to face the storm (problems or hardships) and then find a way to end it and come out of it or if we will just face it and be sad about what we lost during the storm (problems or hardships).
The second paragraph about 'healing' is also well explained by the author.
The poem it is short and to the point and conveys the message.
This is just my opinion but I think the readers would love the poem to be a little longer. Anyways this is awesome.
This poem can only be written by a person has gone through the storm and has found a way out, a person who has gone through the process of "Broken to Healing".
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Thank you for your review!~
Hi! This is a great poem that wonderfully describes what it’s like to heal. I particularly love the imagery of the ocean in the first stanza. The most effective lines are “I was slammed right back underwater/ And I was beautifully slaughtered” Your poem seems to imply that there’s a beauty about the brokenness. The second stanza is about appreciation and gratefulness for the good things in like, I think. You use the word “crystal-clear” is that also representing the ocean’s water?
This is a short and beautiful piece. The only thing I’d like you to improve is, I’d like more ocean imagery in the second stanza. Like, maybe you could talk about going with the flow or something. Anything really to relate the healing to the ocean.
Ouuhh! Good idea! I honestly hadn't noticed the lack of imagery to the ocean in the second stanza. I just let my thoughts do the talking, but now that you mention it, that would be a rather good idea to keep the flow going. Thank you for the review!~
Great job! I really like the poetic, intricate vibe to it. the line "The waves slammed against the shore, but my thoughts were racing more" was very well done. Alltogether, I'd say this is a beautiful piece of poetry!
Aww thank you! ~
Beautiful and poetic! Great job!