Fear Not (such an original name I know)

Hi, Rae! I've been searching for some poetry to review and this looks pretty good! Anyway, let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
- You create vivid imagery in the first part of this poem by providing description mixed with action, which I see rarely in poems (you did great!). You were also able to immediately (and smoothly) shift the mood from tense to relaxed once God came and said 'fear not'.
- You did pretty well with the poetry patterns, too!
- The repetition at the end of each section creates a powerful message that intertwines nicely with the overall darkness in the rest of the poem.
- In the last section you do really well with figurative language! My favorite example of this is:

My thoughts roar at me to run, get away, just go,

You did great with other personification, which zones in from the chaos in the outside world to the chaos within. Despite shifting places and themes throughout this, the message stays centralized.

Room For Improvement
- You did great overall with patterns and rhyme schemes, but to strengthen the tone of your work, I would suggest italicizing in a few areas, like here:

My thoughts roar at me to run, get away, just go,

To the place of quietness and peace,

Peace like no other.

In the first quote, the pattern suggests a sense of urgency with the amount of repetition in the pattern, so when it finally says 'just go' and the point finally comes across, you could intensify it even more by italicizing the 'go'.

Secondly, in the area where you keep repeating peace, I would suggest to italicize the first 'peace' (to show immense relief) and then the word 'no' (or no other), to show how special this peace is.

Overall Opinion
- This was a great poem and I love the message in it. As a Christian myself, I find this poem very powerful and uplifting.

Happy writing, and have a blessed day!

Serrurie

Hi!!

Dropping for a quick review here! Now I usually don't review poetry, but I read this and just couldn't help myself.

I loved this poem so much! It has such a powerful message and is well connected to present times, I also really like how simple the language is, it really helps the reader resonate with the poem.

The chaos of the world slams into view,

Children crying from the bosoms of their mother,

Parents yelling at each other about the weather,

Cars roaring past the highway so close,

Whisps of sunlight flicker in and out if the clouds

Sometimes blinding the eyes of the onlookers,

And yet, “fear not,” says the Lord Almighty.

I love how punchy and impactful this first passage is. I like how it showcases how people have developed a tendency to fight over the smallest of things, how we have all become less accepting and understanding. I associate the bit about the cars to the rapid growth we have had in technology (I'm not sure if you meant it that way so please correct me if I am wrong), which is causing many problems in the world today from environmental issues to ethical and employment problems.

I really appreciate how all issues are touched upon very subtly.

The chaos of free will is seen everywhere,

In the crying of newly widowed women,

In the yelling of men on that battlefield,

In the roaring and crashing guns,

And in the flickering of eyes that seem to fade,

Into pain, numbness, and death,

And yet, “fear not,” says the Lord Almighty.

I love the beginning of this passage, 'free will' - it's amazing! It instantly touches on so many issues in the current world, from polarisation and hate speech problems (which tie in part to technology ethic problems) to countries attacking other countries in that name of self-defense.

This again has a connotation with the previous passage which highlighted how intolerant and unaccepting we have become as a race. The descriptions of grief and anger and pain of the battlefield really just hit that point home.

I also really like how a description of eyes have been repeated in this passage, it really shows how badly things can escalate.

The chaos of my mind suffocates me,

A desperate cry for help is trying hard to escape me,

My opinions seem to yell at me from the cages I put them in,

My thoughts roar at me to run, get away, just go,

Whisps and whispers of wicked thoughts and actions flood my mind,

Wanting to escape, but not quite able to,

And yet, “fear not,” says the Lord Almighty.

I love how relatable this passage, we all struggle with our thoughts and emotions everyday. Everybody is sometime or the other tempted to do something bad or wrong, I love how you have showcased that we try to suppress these emotions and thoughts to prevent them from getting out.

Since we are talking about religion (at least briefly in the refrain) this passage also made me think about how strict religion can be when comes to being 'good'
it seems to condemn even struggling with 'bad' thoughts and eventually overcoming them. It has a tendency to say that even having bad thoughts - which every human being struggles with - is wrong.

His arms are warm as they welcome me once again,

To the place of total surrender,

To the place of quietness and peace,

Peace like no other.

And while the world rages on in wars and hate,

While my mind rages on in violence and sin,

I fear not,

Because my father is with me.

I have to admit I initially thought that you were talking about death, but when I read the last line - Oh my God! It's amazing. Truly brilliant and fantastic, it made me smile so hard

I love that last line, so impactful and powerful It really shows how at the end of the day, it's really family that comforts you the most. It's their support and love that help you through life, help you through the day. The support and safety one feels with their family is second to none.

It always makes you feel that no matter how bad things are, it will get better, something you have portrayed wonderfully.




I have only two suggestions,
1)

In the roaring and crashing guns,

And in the flickering of eyes that seem to fade,

Into pain, numbness, and death

I feel like the 'and' here is not required, it disrupts the flow a little.


2) Now this purely personal preference - you're more than welcome to ignore this - I always feel (from some strange inexplicable reason) that a poem is always better with the text centre-aligned. It doesn't make any substantial difference to the poem at all, but I just think it feels better?



Overall, I love this poem you have written, its amazingly impactful and written with great flow.


Everything expressed is my opinion, accept or reject whatever you want.

(Also, if I have made any mistake in my interpretation, please let me know, I don't intend any offence, I'm just not used to reviewing poetry 😅)


Take care!

--KB

Hello, my fellow writing friend!

Let's get into this work of art...




A Little Skimming - First Impressions
A beautiful free verse poem, displaying the flaws of the world, the storms, the hardships. And yet, "Fear not!" says the Lord Almighty. I think you are talking about the God of Christianity, (please correct me if I'm wrong)

I really like how you perceived this picture of how chaotic it gets these days, the casualties of war, the disorder of community and loss of unity. But the Lord Almighty has everything in his hands. He is with us. The insanity of this world might be high, but God says, "Fear not," This poem is a big encouragement (at least to me) to people out there (mostly Christians) that no matter how crazed this world gets, we shouldn't fear. Everything turns out for good in the end. So we should fear not, God's got this.




Love it! - Parts That I Like
Where do I begin?

First off, I love the consistency of each stanza. Each line (all except for the last one) is 7 lines long. It begins with: "The chaos..." and ends with, "And yet, 'fear not,' says the Lord Almighty" This pattern gives the poem a steady beat, keeping it focused and reminding readers of the point. Sometimes writers can stray off point (me being one of them XD) especially when they don't have consistent repetitions. You managed to stay on one set idea really well. Good job!

The chaos of free will is seen everywhere,

In the crying of newly widowed women,

In the yelling of men on that battlefield,

In the roaring and crashing guns,

And in the flickering of eyes that seem to fade,

Into pain, numbness, and death,

I love the way you painted this picture here with not quite vague descriptions, yet still not quite straight-forward images either. You wrote it in a just right way where the reader can imagine what you're trying to convey without you having to state it plainly. I understand you are talking about war, and the death and detestation from it. You really include the emotions and weight of each line skillfully. Well done!

A desperate cry for help is trying hard to escape me,

My opinions seem to yell at me from the cages I put them in

Mmm... I love these descriptions also. That is so deep and meaningful. I like this picture of "cages" that you constructed. A lot of us try to bury our emotions, trap them behind iron bars, and yet, that only seems to make them cry louder. I really like the imagery here, you seem to be a pro at that!

Lastly, I just want to thank you for being open about writing literary about religion/spirituality issues/topics. It takes courage to go out like that and express some pretty controversial opinions with the world. I am so grateful for your bravery to do that.




Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
No corrections, whatsoever! Amazing work!




Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
This was a truly meaningful and touching poem. Have a splendiferous day, and keep writing!

Inferno