Have you ever felt so alone,
that you just want to curl up in bed and cry?
Have you looked at the people that you laughed with,
shared secrets with, even graduated with,
and maybe a hint of jealousy kicks in?
They are getting engaged, happy, and have a nice job,
and you are just stuck.
.
Like a sad leaf hanging on to the tree in fall,
distraught, crumpled and yellow,
but not quite ready to let go of the life you imagined.
The perfect life that we all want.
The happy family, joyful parties, and peace.
For that moment I can just let go.
.
I can forget the bills on the table,
with their bold red letters standing out,
and demanding my attention.
I can forget the student debt racking up,
because I need a degree to get a job,
and money to get a degree,
and a job to get money.
.
Endless cycle of nothingness.
.
But everyone else seems to be doing just fine.
Getting married, smiling for the pictures,
with a great job, and one big happy family.
.
And I
Am
Just
Spiraling
Down
.
Like a leaf, that finally let go,
of the thought that their life,
Pathetic as it is,
would be worth saving.
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138,237 Literary Works • 672,089 Reviews
Hey there! This was a very relatable poem and I really enjoyed it. 3 things I really liked were: - The way you made the words go down when you mentioned spiralling (very clever).
- The comparison of your life to the leaf in fall
- How the bolder letters spelled help
I don’t have much else to say. Sorry that the review is so short (I don’t have much experience in poetry. I think you I’d very well tho)
Happy writing!
God bless!
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize that this might be on the shorter side. However, I hope that this could brighten your day even if it's just a little bit. With the rambling out of the way, I should get on with it. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I enjoyed reading this piece and how it played with form. The subject matter is very relatable to most of our age. Even if they look like it's idyllic they are probably as lost as you feel. You do show those feelings of being lost and trying to compare yourself to others. I do like the use of formatting when you talk about the spiral it was a fun touch. It kept things interesting and complemented the point you were trying to make. The leaf imgery was also a nice touch as well.
Now onto feedback, I will apologize if this part is a little light. As always I want to say that I am not a professional and you by no means need to use anything I say. You are the author after all.
Do keep in mind that these will be nitpicky things.
I do love the use of formatting during the spiral but I do wish it was used a bit more. It does kind of come out of nowhere near the end.
I would experiment with a few sentences near the end of every stanza to represent the slow downward path the thoughts are taking.
On top of this, I would also play with incorporating the leaves a bit more throughout. This could be done in many ways thematically, things like changing seasons or life and rebirth.
Regardless that's for you to experiment with in the end. I wish you luck with your life as we all go on different paths and paces.
As always, don't give up, stay creative and drink water!
Hi Rae! It's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
- I enjoyed how there was a hidden meaning in this poem (ala the bolded letters spelling 'HELP')
- This poem is very relatable. Seeing others move on in their lives and become successful while you stay stuck is a harsh reality, and giving into jealousy or sadness often feels like the right way to go. But it isn't (people just don;t always recognize that).
- I love all of the different patterns and stanzas in this (especially the staircase looking area)
Room For Improvement
- This was a very pretty poem, but also a bit cliche. Poetry is an exploration of emotion (which you did wonderfully at) but a lot of times poems never bring anything new to the table. They pour out feelings without showing imagery or setting or anything that sets them apart from the rest, which I feel this did a bit. Whenever you write another poem, ask yourself not just the question 'how does this feel?' but the question 'what sets this apart from other things I've read?'. Of course, this is just a suggestion, so only take my advice if you personally think it would benefit your writing.
- This was a good poem! No grammatical errors and a hidden meaning within the text. A little bland, but that's ok.
Happy writing, and have a blessed day!
Serrurie