Tyger

Tyger

I stalk quietly through the undergrowth,
blending perfectly with the moist vegetation.
My sensitive nose is twitching with scents,
all the animals I hunt.
Both predator and prey.
I’m not King of the forest,
yet I should be. --- Nice adjectives and thought here ^

A scent wafts through my nose.
My head slowly turns,
I’ve spotted a tall, hairless monkey with no tail. ---Very descriptive. I could picture most of all of this poem perfectly in my head.
It’s silent moving through the forest,
almost like the wind,
silent, but not totally.

I start to crouch down,
getting ready to make the kill,
when another hairless monkey comes into my view.
This one is smaller and has the same, dark skin.
It has long midnight black hair on it's head.

My mind hesitates, my body stops.
I watch them interact,
the little one often showing it’s teeth,
making a small noise.

They suddenly stop,
they’ve spotted me.

I decide to continue my hunt.
The large one now smells of fear,
it opens it’s paws to show no weapon.

I continue to stalk.

The little one bounds towards me through the jungle.
I stop and stare at it.
The large one reaches towards the little one
but doesn’t move it’s legs.

The little one is in front of me now, showing it’s teeth.
It doesn’t seem threatening though.
I sit back and stare at it.
Waiting. ---I like the courage you instilled in the smaller monkey.

It holds out it’s paw and moves towards me,
I feel the paw on my fur.
It shows it’s teeth again.

I look into it’s eyes,
it’s sky blue eyes. ---Perfect ending for this poem.


This poem itself seemed to have a moral in it, which is greatly appreciated by me.
I love morals. I think you did an excellent job on this one!

Very creative. It's not often we get to hear poetry from the viewpoint of a tiger

I'm having some trouble with the syntax of your sentences here--while in terms of readability and rhythm, your poem flows very well, your sentence structure is making it sound very stilted. Try reading it out loud. Nearly all of your sentences follow the structure of "Noun, verb" (or a periodic sentence, to be technical). For example, "My head slowly turns", "I start to crouch down", "I've spotted", "I watch", "They stop," "The spotted". Try mixing up the structure a bit, for example, "Slowly turning my head, I..."; "Crouching down, I...".

Overall though, I did enjoy this. It made me smile, especially that hairless monkey, though I don't know if that was your intention. Nice work!

I love this poem! The end was totally unexpected, yet cute! I really like how you got into the mind of the animal. I believe you used the senses very well.

The only problem I had was this:

Justagirl wrote:Tyger

I start to crouch down,
getting ready to make the kill,
when another hairless monkey comes into my view.
This one is smaller and has the same, dark skin.
It’s hair is longer and midnight black.