Young Writers Society

This poem is great, I love how it flows, it is beautifully written and the picture it paints to the reader is interesting. I feel like you described the feeling every artist gets when they have trouble expressing their ideas perfectly, and it feels like inspiration to be patient and when the time comes you can create beautiful things. I don't know if that was what you were aiming for, but this is a beautiful poem and I am ecstatic to read more by you.
~Adelaide Knight

Radrook here to offer suggestions. Please accept my apology if I offend. It is not my intention.

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning your aspiration and struggle to express the concepts which seem so clear in your dreams yet are so illusively difficult to express in an organized artistic way. It reminded me of this poet I knew who slept with a pencil next to her bed in order to write down the ideas that came to her in dreams. Otherwise she would forget them.

I like the flow created by the assonance in "sinking" "silk" and "sheets" "sickening" "desire" "so" and "slumber".

Also the alliteration of the ""W" in awakened" and "overwhelming" and the "p" in "paint and "picture".

Suggestions:

I lay down sinking into the silk sheets of my bed[,]

drifting into a psychological universe of luxurious

arts and literature left untapped by my [awakened] mind[.]

I watch in awe[,] longing to acquire these abandoned abilities[.]

When I [awaken,] I feel an overwhelming artistic drive through

my veins but my artistic [zeal] is met with

the sickening inability to paint the picture I desire[.]

So I wait again for that daily slumber hopeful I will be able to

forge the [vanishing] concepts of my mind[.]


As a reader I would have enjoyed a description of some of those fleeting, beautiful ideas. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hello! Iamawriter here for a review.

I truly believe you've captured what it feels like to be an artist and not be able to translate your imagination onto paper.

I agree with @Lives4Christ that the ellipsis is unnecessary. It feels wrong. I would also change "awaken mind" to "awakened mind" as the tense does not make sense to me.
Other than that there is nothing I would change.

Keep writing,
Iamawriter

This is so cool.
I really like it.
I hope you write more.
My one criticism is how many dots are after "I desire"
It is a bit much.
I do like it and I hope you write more.
It is funny to me how you classified this as realistic and as fantasy.
I wish there was an option to. Classify the work in our own words.
Don't you agree?
Anyway, great job
I look forward to more work.