'A bandit that masquerades and
fools its prey into
normalizing its parasitic ways,
A drug so desirable it consumes your days,
causing confidence as fraudulent
as the reflections from a carnival mirror,
An addictive substance that manages
to viciously dictate your mind,
And slowly drives you into a
physiological craze,
A desire that seems to take away
your pain,
But turns logical people insane,
A chameleon capable of secluding
itself in billions of forms,
It suffocates you silently,
without triggering any alarms
How must you escape its
hypnotizing dance?
As your insides cave in from
overdosing,
On its hellish trance ...
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140,181 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Hi! This poem is an improvement in terms of rhythm and I congratulate you on writing about a subject that reflects today's problems, I didn't say that in my previous review but I want to say it now. I'm glad that you are using poetry and your observation skills to commensurate addiction. The poem has a really good conclusion after describing addiction giving it closure:
Throughout the poem you focus too much on addiction, and its vague on the other 'physiological' effects, I thought (personally I don't know whether others may feel the same way, or you) you could go into more detail about how the addiciton affects the addict's life (It must cause arguments and friction with their loved ones, are their loved ones supportive? Do they kick the addict out of their homes? How does the addiction affect them physically? Do they look the same?
Secondly well done on attempting to edit your poem; I want to make two suggestions however: firstly you could use more stylistic techniques like metaphors, similies, imagery you have used a few but using more would make it more poetic and less like a narrative.
I think you could remove either of these two sentences bc they sound like they have the same meaning:
Good Luck with the future writings
Hey peer! I am just here to leave a quick but semi lengthy review on your work. I thought this was a beautiful poem. You left room for the audience to interpret the poem for themselves which I personally think is neat. After reading the poem I must say that the title is flawless. It was intelligent of you to use a medication that soothes pain but is addictive as your title. It really gave me a sense of where you were going with this poem. I would like to say your metaphor use is sub par. My only complaint may be the inconsistency of the rhyme scheme. At certain points you seem to do a free verse but then jump into a rhyme and leave abruptly which draws attention because the reader will be waiting for the next associated rhyme. Besides that I can not see any problem with the poem. I really enjoyed it. Also, buy Joanne on iTunes!