Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
Our sensual fantasies become reality
as our lips intertwine, salivated from the
anticipation for our bodies to connect,
You grip your hands deep into my back and slip yourself in,
feeling the jolts and the slow breathes as I attempt to take everything in,
Moving as blissfully as the ocean waves, you look deep into my eyes,
accompanyied with muffled moans we so badly try to suppress,
And then silence interrupts as you take a deep breath
and cave hard into my chest, relinquishing us from our erotic dreams
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140,181 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Hey there, JaylinBoykins !!
This is Eros here witha a review for you !
First of all the title was catchy and erotic. I loved the way you have described all those cascade of incidents and events happening here starting from a passionate kiss.
I like how you have expressed the feelings and passion.
The way you have presented the poem is indeed very good. I like the smooth flow of the poem. It makes the rreader to want to read more and more and dive into the thoughts ...
The poem was very deep and I liked how you have used the words.
While writing a piece of poetry or short story, it is the most important aspect to choose the perfect set of words. It depends on the genre and type of the story or poem.
And the words that you have chooses, perfectly matched with the romantic genre. I loved this part here.
Apart from that, every writer has a unique style of writing. You have a simple style of writing and the language you have used is easy to understand. It is better when you use simple style of writing while expressing yourself on deep topics. And you have done the same.
I don't mean to say that you should never use decorative style of writing. By decorative writing style, I mean, using a somewhat difficult language, using new words and All. This style us also unique in itself.
Overall I love this piece of poetry and it was filled with romance.
Great work !
Keep writing such awesome stuff !
We would love to keep reading them ...
Have a great day/ night !
~Eros.
Hey JaylinBoykins,
Katja here to review your work! Please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make should you feel they are unhelpful. Your poem is definitely on a subject that may make some of the younger readers apprehensive to review, so i figured I'd help you out with a second review. Now, onto the actual review part...
Suggestions first:
"salivating"
"accompanied" and I would also add by and remove with. So, "accompanied by muffled moans"
What I liked:
This line not only emphasizes the lust felt, but even on some level, the desire for the lust to also be love, whether or not it is is not easy to tell.
Overall opinion:
The topic is one I tend to avoid in writing, however, It was a wonderfully written poem about erotic desires, fittingly titled "Midnight Lusts". Your use of vocabulary provides an easy-to-imagine response, with such vivid details. You did a wonderful job on this poem and I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep writing,
-Katja
The words used are intense and makes me feel engrossed that play in my head,thanks for the words giving the theatrical effect.
The last four lines displayed the feeling got by them, that added more life to your poem.
I totally loved these lines:
"feeling the jolts and the slow breathes as I attempt to take everything in,
Moving as blissfully as the ocean waves, you look deep into my eyes,
accompanyied with muffled moans we so badly try to suppress,
And then silence interrupts as you take a deep breath
and cave hard into my chest, relinquishing us from our erotic dreams"
The fight among our emotions to surrender is the difficult feeling to bequeath.
Looking forward for more.This is one awesome work.
This is gorgeous. Absolutely. The imagery is vivid and the wordplay clever. I also love your simile, describing the movement as ocean waves. Check for spelling though! You have an error in your spelling of "accompanied." Minor detail, but it can make all the difference!