Why do you Hurt,
In a way i cannot Ease?
You wear the Pain like a shirt,
With no Whim to please.
You say that its Okay,
Because its Nothing new.
But i'll tell you this one Day,
That it's Wrong through and through.
This should never happen,
Not to you, nor anyone.
Tragedy held the Pen,
That wrote your chapter One.
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139,785 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hello! Ongoeslife here to review your excellent poem. =)
Let me start off by saying that I absolutely love this poem. I can relate to it both in the sense of being the questioner and the questioned.
I felt the first time I read this that the seemingly randomly capitalized letters added to the poem, and after reading the exchanges below including your reasoning, I am even more convicted.
I want to say that I like a certain line best, but then I think I like another just as well, and then another... I love the whole poem! I like the analogies of wearing the pain and Tragedy writing chapter One; but only chapter One, because life will get better. =)
Great poem, again! Thanks for sharing with us. =)
~Ongoeslife
Timmyjake here to write you a review!
So this was really cool. Wonderfully written and spaced out. To tell you the truth, I don't think I have seen a poem spaced out like this. But its pretty cool... It makes the lines seem to be as one, but still disconnected from the rest... Know what I mean?
Anyway, I have a few nitpicks, or rather just things I noticed...
The only other thing I would say about this is that I think you could have picked a better title. There are so many wonderful phrases in this poem. The one that really caught my eye was, Tragedy Held The Pen
I think those are my only comments on this. The poem was wonderfully written, truly. It will get a like from me!
Checking out,
~Timmyjake
Wow, that expresses exactly how I feel. Good job!
Hey
Your username and mine convey the same
That's cool
About your poem i loved it.
It is short n simple and its giving a feeling like someone is deeply hurted. My english isnt very good. So i cant write everything in detail. All i can dig is the stuff within it.
Great job
When it comes to love everyone becomes stupid
not quite the same meaning, but close
and this poem isn't so much about love making us stupid, as it is about those we love not allowing us to help, or us simply being unable to help.
Hellooo IntelligentlyStupid,
I thought that this is really good, and I liked what you did here. Overall, I can truly relate with almost every word and I can do enjoy a piece of work that allows me to feel and expresses my emotions from start to finish. I really like how you made this different in the fact as to how you arranged this also. It really draws the reader in and makes it a lot more interesting to read. There are a few minor mistakes, like "Tragedy held then Pen" I'm not sure in "then" is supposed to be "the" or anything else. For all I now that could have been 100% intentional.
Altogether though, it was a great piece of work and I really did enjoy reading this because I felt what you were trying to say. If you fix a few minor mistakes, this will probably be extremely perfect.
Thanks!
Wtbh
ooopsss that is supposed to be "the" not "then" thanksss!!!!
Alright...this doesn't make all that much sense.
I mean, I get where you're going with the idea of internal pain, but it gets sort of confusing as the poem continues.
Also, the grammatical side of this...is just bad. You're not capitalizing your I's, the things that are being capitalized shouldn't be, phrasing is weird...all around it just seems like you aren't sure of what you're doing in that area. I suggest that you look over that, 'cause if you can ace that, then you can have an exceptional piece.
~Maddie
Not to be rude, but you have just managed to offend me. CLEARLY you are not as much of a poetry connoisseur as you'd like to imagine yourself. Poetry is art, and art is done as the artist sees fit. Poetry has no need for grammar, just as sculptures have no need architectural rules. Poetry is the art of the word, and should be treated as such. Grammar is in no way a requirement, and never will be. For example, all of my phrasing is proper, and it is known as "abnormal word order". The letter "i" is never capitalized in my poems, with the exception of when it is at the beginning of a line or sentence. Those random words that are capitalized, are capitalized for a reason. If you can take a few minutes, and turn your brain's attention to them, you may even notice the pattern, which is consistent in nearly all of my works. I would suggest, that in the future you actually have an inkling of what you are talking about, before you open you pie hole, or flex you typing fingers.
Wow.
Dude, I'm sorry that I offended u, to be honest I am not well wrote in poetry, I'm actually into teen novel and narratives. But, before I say bye, please if anything, take one part of this seriously: don't react like that I'm the real world. You, like myself, are 17, but I have had a similar reaction as above, and you know what it did? It bit me in the ass later on and I got crushed by a critic. It sucks, nuff said. Here on this site, yes you can have tht reaction, but it will not help later on when someone with the credentials flattens you like a pancake. Best advice I ever got: hold your work at arm's length, and nothing will get to you.
Don't think I'm angry, and you shouldn't be either, I'm just passing what wisdom I have gained in this world of writing. I'm honestly not a poetry person, I admit it. I'm just a writer who needed more points and your poem was the first thing I saw. Just friendly opinion, nothing more.
Good day
Hello IntelligentlyStupid,
What an odd username... Anyway, it is Magenta here to review your poem that you wrote only two hours ago. I was just wondering why you have every other sentence so far away from the margin? I know that this was intentional, but I was wondering why you deliberately did this. I would like to suggest capitalize your "I"s because it looks different with the change between capitalization.
"Because its Nothing new." I would suggest using italics to emphasize the words instead of capitalizing the words in the middle of the sentence. It would look much better. I would also place an apostrophe between "it" and "s" because it should be "it's" as a contraction for "it is".
"Tragedy held then Pen," I am not sure whether to not you are trying to talk to your "Pen" or if there is someone named "Pen" because you would then have to put a comma before that word.
Great job with your poem! Keep up this good work and have a great day!
~ Magenta
not quite as offensive as the one above
but the letter i is never capitalized by me except in formal writing, or at the start of a sentence. i have my reasons, and it is poetry after all. i claim artistic license :p. if you notice, ever line has one extra capitalized word. each one of those words is capitalized because it has meaning to me.
and yeahhh, IntelligentlyStupid. I'm stupid on purpose :p
Well, IntelligentlyStupid, I understand what you mean. I didn't mean for my review to be offensive in any way, but I hope that you continue your writing career.
~ Magenta
I know, i just get a little annoyed when people go after the grammar :p
I completely understand. I know that in poetry, grammar isn't the what really counts but the message and the art of it. I'll try not to 'go after the grammar'. Hope to see some more of your writing.
~ Magenta