Lies

Good one!

I really enjoyed reading this, even with all of its (intentional?) grammar flubs. Now onto my review:

I liked the formatting the most, it's really beneficial to the poem and it makes me feel like I'm reading through a journey (if that makes sense). My favorite stanza is the last; it lightens up the tone a bit, especially the last two lines.

I love the use of archaic language. It makes the poem feel classic.

In short, this was pretty good, I liked it.

Hey, Intel! The name is Storm, and I'll be checking over "Lies" for you this afternoon!

Right, so. First off, I like the descending pattern you've created visually and am now wondering how you did that... You see, whenever I post poetry it messes with my formatting. (Gah!) Anyways, nice touch. Most people do not consider or even realize that the visuals of a poem are important as any other aspect, but I'm glad to see that you included the falling stanzas!

Honestly, this irks me to no end: the lack of capitalization of "I". If you bother to capitalize the beginning word of each new line, why not this proper noun?

I love the extended metaphor of the sea repeated in the first two stanzas: " They surround me,

so i Fight the tide ...


... By those who have thrown

this pool of Lies to the sea ... "

You integrated an excellent amount of colorful words throughout "Lies", and for that reason I enjoyed it tremendously. Excellent, and as always: Write on!

---Stormsie

I feel as though the "like" button is not as clearly delineated as it should be haha. I get all these people who say they love my stuff, and don't even like it

Great poem! It just needs a little bit of grammatical spiffing up, which is my specialty.

"so i Fight this tide," - That should be a capitol i, and you might want to capitalize the t in tide instead of Fight.
"But i will follow each Clue,
Until i find Judas' Kiss." - Again, you should capitalize the i's here.
"I will ask every Patron,
and question the Sleeper," - It would sound a little better if you said "every Sleeper" to match the line above it.
"So i shall find it." - Once more, the i should be capitalized. Also, if you re-arrange to words to say, "So shall I find it.", that sounds pretty cool.
I noticed that some of the letters of the first lines were capitalized, while others weren't. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it did seem a little odd at times.

I like the way you formatted this poem so that it sort of slopes downward. That was really cool.

So yeah, it's a great poem. I really like it! Good job, I'm looking forward to reviewing more of your stuff!

Such an emotionally driven poem. Well done, reminds me a lot of school life. People say things wouldn't knowing the truth and I think that's why I like it so much.

But i will follow each Clue,

Until i find Judas' Kiss.