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What is Love?

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What is love, but a reflection,

of the Soul's eternal affection?

Simply a mirror into our spirit,

just a view of how our heart believes it.

What is love, none other than a recipe

for Poetry, enacted by Metaphor and Simile.

Just another way of expressing,

those emotions without regressing.

What is love, except a specimen,

of tender Feelings and Thoughts within?

Reserved for those we hold most dear,

those things we wish to say, without Fear.

What is love, other than to care,

for without it, life we could not bear.

So forever, love, shall we cease to chase?

Not until it fills our every Space

What is Love..?

Comments & reviews · 7
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Nargles
Review
Nargles wrote a review · Fri Nov 08, 2013 9:08 am

Hey,
This is a poem that can be cliche, boring and dull. When I read the title I sort of cringed a little. As I read it my opinion changed. Yes, you do have some cliches (as all love poems do), yes, there are points where I don't feel anything nor relate to it. But it was still good on it's own right.
Personally, I find that rhyme can have a negative effect on a poem, it can make it sound childish and sappy if not used well. There are points in this poem where this does happen. Now, don't get me wrong, your use of rhyme is good 90% of the time, but at other points it doesn't flow and it comes across as rather sappy. For example
"What is love, other than to care,
for without it, life we could not bear."
These line were mentioned down below, about the sentence being inverted. It simply doesn't work.
I suggest trying different of writing these lines, see what works and doesn't. :)

For me, this poem reads slightly childlike, that may just be the way I read it. Every person is going to have their own reading of a text, that what makes writing so interesting. But, I'm not sure you were going with a childlike feel. This being the case, I suggest finding ways to change this. Be that through imagery, choice of diction, figurative language, etc. You are the writer, so it's up to you.

I want to feel something, and with this poem I don't. Your words are to vague and could relate to anybody. Again, another reviewer mentioned this, I want to know who you feel this love for.

You said below that it is a personal poem and it wasn't meant for an audience. That is all well and good, but you are posting it here for an audience to, to be reviewed. So, expect people to interpret it differently and to critic it. This doesn't mean you have to change the poem so it suits other, it is your poem! But, the reviews may be helpful when writing your next poem.
We are all here to share and improve our writing!

You have done a good job and with a bit of improvement I feel as if you can have a wonderful poem.
Keep writing and good job!
Nargles xxx

User avatar
Loverofsmiles13 Comment

I think this is perfect :) For a moment I thought someone read my mind. I think it's great keep going!

i have been :) Fight
and when i get the time and effort in to review-ify myself another 250 points ill post my one about Liars :D

Random avatar
Frances Comment

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

i'm getting a sarcastic vibe? hehe

not sarcastic, just funny :)

althoughhhhh, that was the type of sentiment going through my mind for a month or so AFTER the events leading up to this poem XD

Random avatar
Jada3155 Comment

Your poem was very understanding. It was almost as if when you were questioning love you were finding away to make your on answer. As I read each line I enjoyed it even more.

Oh boyyy. Was i ever questioning love haha. i had another one, on a similar subject, if i find it i'll post it as well.

User avatar
Shalie
Review
Shalie wrote a review · Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:13 pm

I loved reading this poem. You did a great job with rhyming in your poem. That is something I have difficult doing. You also did a great job making the poem easy to read. It has a good rhythm and flow to it that makes it easy to read. Your poem pulled me in and I wanted to read it to the end. I do hope that next time you find someone worth while.

I usually have a hard time rhyming as well, but sometimes when i get really emotional i just dedicate everything in my brain to see what rhymes with different words :D

User avatar
Adnamarine
Review

It is difficult to use true rhyming in poetry without either sounding like a nursery rhyme, or awkward and stiff because the words don’t quite fit. Overall, I thinking the rhyming worked and fit the style and tone of the poem. There only place where it was awkward was the lines, “What is love, other than to care/for without it, life we could not bear.” This is the only place in the poem where you use inverted word order (i.e. “life we could not bear” instead of “we could not bear life”), so it looks/sounds/feels awkward.

I don’t really like the repetition of “what is love.” In and of itself, the question is cliché. Using it once, as long as it is supported by strong images, would be fine, but when it is used over and over again it starts to sound more and more sappy, and really doesn’t contribute any additional meaning to the poem. It acts more like a filler.

Content overall is getting there, but it’s too vague. For example, you use a lot of pronouns—those, our, it, we. Pronouns do not make for vivid writing, especially without strong antecedents.

“Just another way of expressing,
those emotions without regressing.” > > “those”=what emotions? Regressing how? Why? I am going to assume that you want your reader to relate to how this feels and/or relate this to how your readers have probably felt at one time or another. Right now, this language holds no emotion.

“What is love, except a specimen,
of tender Feelings and Thoughts within?” > > Tender is used SO much. But you have the perfect opportunity for a metaphor or simile, relating those feelings to something else that is “tender.” As it stands, you’re not telling me anything I don’t know. I’m thinking, ‘Yup, I have thoughts and feelings. Great job Ace Detective.’ Excuse the sarcasm, but what are you trying to say? So what if love is tender feelings and emotion? What about it? I’m not getting any passion here.

“Reserved those those we hold most dear,
those things we wish to say, without Fear.” > > I’m looking for passion again. You are talking about the people that you love more than anything or anyone in the world. You are talking about fear. You are talking about huge significant things in your or your reader’s life. When you’re talking about something like love, odds are you aren’t going to dole out any kind of huge revelation. But you CAN give perspective. Why did you write this? To convey how you felt, right? I asked you before, I’m going to ask again: read this and ask yourself, does this come anywhere close to revealing how I feel? Power and passion come from imagery, from the 5 senses, from life experiences, words for your readers to taste, hear, see, dream, touch, smell, remember .

You have the shell of a potentially good poem. It needs powerful language and vivid images to become anything more than a simple definition. I’m sure you think you were writing what you felt, or what others have felt—but look at the language you used and I think you’ll realize emotions are far more colorful and potent than this poem currently represents.

I do thank you very much for this review, however i believe you are reviewing it from the wrong standpoint. this poem was not written so people could relate to it, in fact it wasn't even written for other people to read. I actually wrote it during a fifteen minute walk to the store, on my phone, 6 days after someone left me. The entire point of this was just writing how i myself feel, not writing how i believe other's feel. I have plenty of passion in this poem, written in the midst of one of my dips into suicidal depression, but not every person will see it. When you read a poem expecting a certain thing, your view becomes rather coloured, and you begin to seek out what does not seem to fit to you. Don't get me wrong, it's a great review, i just personally think it's from the wrong standpoint. :)

I've certainly written poetry for myself alone, just because I needed to get something out. But if it "wasn't even written for other people to read," why did you post it to be read and reviewed? I know you wrote this with passion, and out of passion. But there are poetic techniques and devices that bring that passion out to your audience--I understand if you don't want to reach an audience, but since you posted it for an audience that is the standpoint that I was reviewing from.

It's not that it was written with the idea of never sharing it with others, it was written for myself, and i decided share it later. The idea is that poetry of all kinds are written by people, with many different styles, and EVERY author has their own style, and standpoit. but one thing we all have, is Artistic License. I was simply telling you that mine was written my way, and that;s how my style goes. poetry is not always written so that someone can relate o it, or written SPECIFICALLY so that others can relate;the beauty of poetry is that not everyone relates in the same way, or with the same styles. the suggestions you suggested are all well and good, but they may not neccessarily allow the same audience to relate to the poem. i wrote this poem as a reminder to myself that love is always qustionable, and you have to find your own answers. Anyone else who has been in that situation, will recognize this poem for what it is, just as anyone who understands, or enjoys this style will recognize it as well. :) Personally, i beleive that nobody can truly, and accurately judge all different types and styles :)

User avatar
HoboBob Review
HoboBob wrote a review · Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:27 pm

Its great! I dont think theres much wrong with it. (not that im a Grammar Nazi) but i really think you should continue this. Keep going! Make more! (If you want to that is) but the poem itself is great :D. Better then anything i could ever do. :D

This actually makes me glow a little, because i look at it, and i see a bit of crap i tapped out on my broken blackberry on the way to the store. Sure, it looks to me better than i've ever done, but not great. But i guess that's just author's bias :P



the day belongs to expectations but the night belongs to me
— canopy