Without Love there is no life.
Without Life there is no care.
Without Care there is no love.
* * *
To remove any one of these things,
Breaks the circle ever Eternal.
An Error which must never be made.
* * *
We will always search to find our Wings,
To fight those things most Infernal,
We must always turn to the sharpest Blade.
* * *
To cut the ties of Hatred and Despair,
This sharpest blade must be forged,
Out of the Truest emotions we know.
* * *
Love and Loyalty, Trust and Care,
So this Blade may be the sharpest edged
That we may fight the Evils before we go.
* * *
These evils that reside within our Souls,
We shall use Love and Trust
To Defeat, for that is what we do
* * *
As we bury our dark pasts without so much as a clue
Thoughts and Memories...
Deeds and and Words...
People and Places...
* * *
We Replace these thoughts
These people and places,
With New memories,
And thus we Create new stories.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hai there!
I really loved this poem, had a great heart to it and it brings a clear and true message! Loved it!
From a reviewers point of view, this poem is also very well structured, written, punctuated, etc. And it is nearly perfect!
*looks through the work*
Actually I cannot find any mistakes...
My advice is just to keep on writing like this, this is truly amazing! You have the talent of a great poet!
Sorry that this wasn't that helpful, but we must not look for mistakes where there are none!
Alex out, beep.
Hi IntelligentlyStupid, I like the concept of the poem that gives a clear circles on several things. It teaches us to break all the causes of a bad things, especially for the sake of all. It's a good message.
Ironically on the wings, may give different symbols from the eyes of every person. Wings often symbolizes freedom and courage. So here, it looked rather effective. And a sharp blade to fight all these things? I see what you are trying to convey here.
The confusion happened here. Why a sharp blade should be forged?
Overall, as I have said, you have a good message and a convincing diction. I just think it can be turned into a simple poem but still convey the same message. I was so impressed with the final stanza. For me, it was amazing. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
Thanks!
I'll try to clarify that confusion on the sharpest blade for you as well. If you look at the stanza above it
"We will always search to find our Wings,
To fight those things most Infernal,
We must always turn to the sharpest Blade."
You see, that stanza also refers to the sharpest blade. when something causes much despair or hatred, it can often be extremely difficult to cut the ties. that thing could have been a person or friend, or a memory of someone you loved, and it can be very difficult to get rid of it, destroy t, or remove that person from your life. So think if it as a tightly woven rope, connecting you to something that causes you pain. If you were to use a dull blade to cut it, it would take much longer. So instead, use the sharper one, which is honed by your love of life, yourself, and those around you.
Now the format has been corrected, there is absolutely NO faults. It's amazing. And re-reading it in the correct format, I can see why you did what you did with the capitals. Truly amazing, well done. You're really talented and this poem deserves to go into featured. It's seriously amazing!!!
Warm and fuzzy
Wow... just wow. I loved it.
First thing, I think YWS messed up your formatting... I can tell because you have a random capital letter at certain intervals, and this isn't set out like a poem normally it. So, I presume each line/paragraph is a stanza.
Now for the details:
I assume the way I have quoted this is how you intended it to be in the first place. Please, correct me if I assume wrong.
I think you could do with some punctuation here, and I don't think the capitals at the start of every line are necessary.
Again, the unneeded capital letters at the start of each line. Since they are still part of the same sentence, a capital letter is unnecessary. I added a comma because I think it could use one. But otherwise, this is a nice stanza.
I love this stanza, but punctuation is lacking! Adding some punctuation will help tremendously. I added a comma for you, again.
Here, you have started to use punctuation. So, I'm not sure whether the punctuation was missed out for a reason in the stanzas above, or whether you just forgot them. Although, I would take out the comma on the second line, it reads better without it.
Lovely stanza, I don't find fault in this. Other than the unneeded capitalisation, but that's an easy fix.
Nice stanza, but it's a little out of place with more lines... although, it has meaning. So, this could work. However, here is a suggestion (if I structured it correctly):
"These evils that reside within our souls,
we shall use for love and trust to defeat,
for that it what we do.
As we bury our thoughts and pasts
without so much as a clue.
Thoughts and memories...
Deeds and words...
People and places..."
Again, I'm not sure whether I structured it right, so ignore me if I'm wrong!
Lovely way to end the poem.
So, the only thing that stood out, negatively, was some punctuation and capitalisation errors. But, it's easily fixable.
I loved your content, it was amazing. I don't see how you could change it, it was lovely.
I enjoyed reading this very much.
Good luck with future writing.
-Clarity.
first things first: am here to give you hugs and cookies! This isn't the first time our wonderful board has #$%#$%'d up my formatting.
however i will go through this and reformat, feel free to rereview it 
you got the majority of the formatting correct, but if you look at some of my other poems, you will see that i put capitalization in seemingly strange spots. They have meaning to me, and nobody else. Not everyone finds it, but that means nothing to me
I have now renovated it
and your format was pretty darn close 
At least I got something right! And I understand with the capitilisation thing, I do it sometimes when I want something to stand out; it was only because it was on every line that it confused me.
I tend to check my to write a poem and then go through it and capitalize the ideas and words that are important to me :p
Well, I commented on the re-written version. It's amazing. I see no faults anymore. Truly amazing.