My Tears Are Held

Amen, and, thank you

InspiredRavens,

Thank you for writing and sharing this poem. I am glad that you have found refuge in God; He is your Father.

"Those words that you speak of me/ describe not the heart like mine."

I think these two lines could be worded a bit better. I kind of understand what they mean, but not quite.

I'm also unsure of the meaning of these next two lines:
"Because if sinners do that/ I will not take the fall."

Does that mean that if sinners take their lives, you are not responsible? Does it mean that only sinners take their lives, and you are no longer one?

Other than those two bits, I thought this was very well-written. It did make me tear up, and I only do that maybe 5 times a year. I'd suggest you review your punctuation to help it flow better, but people get pretty touchy about punctuation edits in poetry. *shrugs* Up to you!

Keep writing, and keep pursuing Him. He is worth it!!

~Ongoeslife

Wow. This was such a beautiful poem! I don't usually get too emotional over things that I read, but this was a tear-jerker for me. The words were used very well and the poem just flowed very well. Being a Christian and having gone through a lot, I can relate to pretty much this whole thing, and just knowing that here we are in this imperfect, broken world, and we're so messed up, but He still loves us so much, just fills my heart with so much joy. Again, this was very beautiful, and I didn't see anything that I would change! I hope to read more of your wonderful writing in the future!

I enjoyed this poem. I thought the words chosen were used well.
The descriptions of spirituality were fantastic. I am not a religious person but I certainly enjoyed this piece, Thank you for sharing and keep writing.

Hi there Inspiredravens!
Your poem is beautifully written with only a few misleading parts in it.
Here are the stanzas that stood out to me.

Stanza 6 was mentioned in an earlier comment about "ago" and "thrown" not rhyming but I think that is fine. This stanza flowed fine while I read it and doesn't have to be changed.

In Stanza 7, the last line kind of ended the flow for me. "When I gave up my last rights" can be changed to " When my rights are no longer mine" in order to have the stanza rhyme.

In Stanza 8, the word "rotting" could have been changed to "rotten" in order to rhyme with "forgotten".

I personally liked Stanza 10. It sends a really powerful message and is inspiring to people all around the world. You used a great metaphor for this stanza.

In the last stanza, the final line is confusing. Who is doing the rebuking and what for? Besides " I Am", what is specifically being rebuked-- her character? Personality? Existence?Name?

Altogether, I feel that this poem touched many of its readers -- keep writing your great poems!

Hi there Inspiredravens!
Your poem is beautifully written with only a few misleading parts in it.
Here are the stanzas that stood out to me.

Stanza 6 was mentioned in an earlier comment about "ago" and "thrown" not rhyming but I think that is fine. This stanza flowed fine while I read it and doesn't have to be changed.

In Stanza 7, the last line kind of ended the flow for me. "When I gave up my last rights" can be changed to " When my rights are no longer mine" in order to have the stanza rhyme.

In Stanza 8, the word "rotting" could have been changed to "rotten" in order to rhyme with "forgotten".

I personally liked Stanza 10. It sends a really powerful message and is inspiring to people all around the world. You used a great metaphor for this stanza.

In the last stanza, the final line is confusing. Who is doing the rebuking and what for? Besides " I Am", what is specifically being rebuked-- her character? Personality? Existence?Name?

Altogether, I feel that this poem touched many of its readers -- keep writing your great poems!

Hello!
I want to start off and say immediately that I am not religious--I respect all religions, of course, and am familiar with the belief of God as quite a few of my friends are--but even so, I found this poem rather beautiful and tear-provoking. I'm in a pretty emotional mood, so that might be helping with the sensitivity on my part, but seriously! This is gorgeous
I cannot say I relate entirely with the religious aspect of things here, but quite a bit of it is easily relatable to anyone, no matter their beliefs, and I applaud you on it.
Now for some quick nitpicks; I don't have many.
Here: "My name is No Longer Innocent

I lost it long ago

Being placed in such a world

Where blades are not swung, but thrown"
I really love this stanza, and have no problem with the last line in particular; it's just the last line does have some length to it in comparison to the other lines in this stanza. It ruptures flow a bit.
And here:His name is Redeemer

He saved me at such a time

When my heart was ready to want Him

When I gave up my last rights"
You gave up your previous rhyme scheme in this line, and continue it in the next stanza. This completely stopped flow for me, and left me a bit confused while I tried to figure out what had made me stop and analyze this particular stanza further. If you could not find a rhyming word that portrayed the meaning you wanted, I suggest using a website called Rhyme Zone or using the Thesaurus tab of Dictionary.com to find a synonym to the owrd you want that rhymes.
That was all for nitpicks! Again, this really is beautiful. Keep writing!

Amen!

Hey there Kat here to review!

So I looked at this and I was like UGH long poem, but you really got my attention. At first I was confused and didn't understand what you meant by "my name is" but towards the end of the poem it really all tied together . I have to say aside from a nice use of repition and metaphors, the character development really is your strongest thing in this writing. I loved how we got to see someone lost and abused on the brink of being lost forever be saved by the lord and given strength. Just some minor things though....in the sixth stanza ago doesn't really rhyme with thrown . I have had this issue before and I just wrote throw(n) or something like that . Same thing in the eighth stanza with forgotten and rotting , but again these are minor things. Other than that I can't see anything wrong with this poem and it is really a beautiful and motivational piece. I'd like to show this to all the people I know who are feeling down and it made me feel better too. It's just so relatable, thank you for sharing.

Kat <3

Beautiful,absolutely beautiful inspiredravens! I loved it! Keep on writing and thanks for encouraging me with this poem!

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Wow. This is incredible over all. I liked the steady rhythm and the clean phrases as well as the message. The only bit that had me do a little double take was the last line in stanza eight. "Has left me further rotting" seems slightly out of place. Maybe it was a simple typo maybe not but it interrupted the flow. Thank you for sharing this amazing poem.

Sorry, didn't mean to post this comment, my computer glitched.