In hindsight it could have been prevented,
But hindsight's no use now;
The past will always be damaged, dented
From the night I took my vow.
I stood beneath the charring skies
Lit by dim starlight;
As the swirling smog arose in sighs,
I mused over my plight.
My muddled mind was mad with hate
And twisted up with fear;
The night grew darker, it was late
And I sensed that dawn was near.
The strangled songs of sparrows
Rang out from a nearby hedge,
And I knew the time had come for me
To make my dreaded pledge.
A hand against my thudding heart
I cried out into the night:
"Lord of Fear, I swear allegance
To you in all your might!"
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,507 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hey Inkypots! Here for the review as requested. I think I shall follow the format of the Poetry Exchange.
I really like the neatness of this poem, and it has really powerful imagery. My favourite line/s will have to be
This particular sentence really has a great image to it as well as being a really powerful ending and I really like that.
I really could find little to pick fault with in your poem, so the closest I can come to something I dislike would be the following line:
Alright, here you say the night grew darker and then that it was late. I find this a little redundantly repetitive, even though the words are not exact. Perhaps a different image squeezed in might change that. However, this also contends with my favourite line, so I’ll leave it at that.
I have no quibbles over your structure, indeed I mentioned that it was neat!
Really this poem made me really conscious of the title, and that is something I really admire in this piece, that it isn’t and yet is deep in a way.
Keep Writing and Remember the Frozen Fahrvergnugens!!
Thanks a lot!
and I could never forget the Frozen Fahrvergnugens!
Hi, yes it's a review.
I really like your rhyming. Even though some of the temo was off in those sentences, it really boosted the poem. Also... it's so dark and cold. Inkpot are you ok? It seems so real what the character is going through and what's going on in his mind.
Now for nitpicks, yes they suck, but everyone needs them. To start, I must stress that the tempo is off in some of the sentences and it messes up the vibe with to muany words. Please try to limit the number of words in each sentence. Also, I agree with setstyes over there. I think you should do soomething with that name "The Lord of Fear". He has no words yet the story revolves around him. Don't you find that strange?
Thank you for listening and keep writing
Thanks for reviewing! I will take your suggestions on board
Superb poem. It was really well crafted and a great rhyming scheme. I don't even normally like poems but I liked this one. You have some great, dark imagery in lines like 'The strangled songs of sparrows'.
The opener was perhaps the strongest. The first two lines. "In hindsight it could have been prevented,
But hindsight's no use now;" - already that grabs anyone who wasn't sure if they wanted to read this properly. I've rarely read such good opening lines.
I do think the poem was let down a little by the end. From such a strong piece it seemed a disservice to then mention 'Lord of Fear' - a bit silly-fantasy, if you get me? I realise that was your intention all along, but I'd hoped for something less cut-and-dried. A bit darker and more chilling, perhaps some big twist even. Lord of Fear just sounded like some comic book villain a bit.
The problem is this is that I'd ask you to change your whole intention, which isn't really fair. But that's up to you. You could change the name but I'm not sure any name used would really do the poem justice, rather than rob the poem of its mystery and shroud. Names are for things more clear to us. The only name I could think of would be one that we already know, such as Lucifer - because then it wouldn't be a name introduced that had no meaning to us, no immediate sense of darkness.
Otherwise, well done!
Thanks a lot!
I actually shared the same feelings as you regarding the end of the poem, but I think it's grown on me since I wrote it. I agree that it may be viewed as "silly-fantasy" but I quite like the thought of fear being a physical entity which one may feel compelled to pledge allegance to. But your review was very helpful and well-written, thanks for the suggestions 
This was an extremely well done poem. It has a lot of meaning behind it and it was beautifully written. The rhyme scheme was wonderfully done and really made the poem flow. I really liked the beginning when you talk about the past always being dented. I feel this is a very powerful statement about living life and it can really help open people's eyes. This poem had great description and created an image in my head while I read it. This poem had a very dark tone to it but it had a really cool realistic but dreamy feeling to it. The feeling you get while reading this poem is really unique and it makes you want to keep reading. The end also keeps you guessing a bit and it leaves room for interpretation which is a very good thing. I love how this poem shows the struggle of a person who is doing something they don't want to do and it keeps you guessing as to why they feel they must do it. Another part I really like is " A hand against my thudding heart " this adds to the tone because you see the life in this person after reading about their dreaded pledge. Overall this was a very good poem and I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks