Dorice Maud was an elderly woman,
With grey hair and wrinkled skin,
People saw her as a "frail old dear",
But then people can't see within.
Dorice was handy with a hunting rifle,
And her husband had fought in the war,
With her stubborn ways and harsh manner,
She wasn't the sweet lady people saw.
Nettles overgrew her back garden,
Where she let her grandchildren play,
Her favourite programme was "The Murder Files",
Which she watched without fail every day.
She had a black cat named Tess,
Which she often "forgot" to feed,
Dorice was a prickly woman,
Much like her garden weed.
As a warning to all those around her,
I point out that the lady is flawed,
And there's one thing you all should do:
Stay away from Dorice Maud.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hi person! I looove this poem - like SubtleSanity said, it's very funny and yet ominous at the same time. Though don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover is a cliche, this poem is definitely not. I like the progression to apparently sweet, to time-worn, to potentially evil
Thanks, person!
You're welcome, fellow person (assuming you are one)!
I really like this poem!
I like how you start with that she is an old women, (Oh ok then just a nice old women) then she progresses to having a gun (Well she needs to defend herself against kids on her lawn!) then everything else when you start to get a little bit worried at what this women is doing to the stereotype! Very funny and witty work! Loved it! Your grammar is absolutely flawless in all cases! I can't really spot much wrong! I could easily see this expanding into short story territory too actually. I would love to see that!
Overall, flawless poem! Great read! *drops like*
Thanks so much!
I can't fault it!
Thank you
Wow.
I love this work. For many reasons.
Firstly, it’s very clever. We are dealing with appearances here, and people judging a book by its cover, which you completely dispel with this poem.
‘But then people can't see within.’ This is my favourite line from the entire piece because I think it’s something people need to be reminded of more often, that we often forget.
The idea of using a little old lady as your protag is just genius and the role reversal ideas, of her hunting rifle and that she ‘had a black cat named Tess’ make her sound very bewitching and mysterious.
I am impressed and wish I could come up with something so poignant and witty as this. Great job.
Thanks a lot for the lovely review
You're welcome. -hugs-
Ha ha, this is such a funny but at the same time ominous. I really this poem because of the message it conveys to the readers, how we should look deeper than the surface. As we should do with all things. Also this poem has a really nice rhythm to it, that made it enjoyable to read. Perhaps you could try some rhyme in it as well? Just a little bit to make it more interesting. I noticed you have used a lot of punctuation in your poetry, that's good! But you don't have to put it at every line, you can use it to demonstrate a point or to make it more significant.
Also, I think separating it into stanzas will also make this piece more effective and powerful.
Like here:
Instead of putting and, just start with her. It will make it more powerful.
And then:
Make a break between those lines.
Also, I love the ending! It sums up the whole poem and also gives it a hostile and ominous feel! Great work! Can't wait to see more of your works!
-S.s
Thanks a lot
However, the poem actually does rhyme. I agree with what you say about making the poem into stanzas, but I'm not sure how to do that on here as the work is often published without line breaks.
Well, it does but is not constant. You use shift return to insert line breaks. And you can always preview it before you publish to see of it works.