Fresh from the furnace,
Scorched by the flames,
I'm burning inside
From playing your games.
You mock and torment me,
Hot on my skin,
Your cold words are burning;
I'm roasting within.
Each day I'm blazing,
Burnt in your clutch,
I try to be strong
But it hurts too much.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hi, this is GreenTulip here to give you a review on this piece of poetry as requested.
Some people will format there reviews in a set 1. I like 2. What Can be better 1. I like. This isn't how I roll my reviews. I make my reviews how I want to review so things are gong to be different on this review. I usually don't take the time to type this out, but not worries...I will get to the actual review in the next line.
[Bold]The Title[/Bold]
So the title of the poem:
The title of this poem is what drew me into the poem. I look at the title of the poem before all else. It is what drew my attention, and made me want to read the poem that it is titled for.
[Bold]Stanzas[/Bold]
They are finely written, and they hold good lines. But some of the punctuation that is within them needs to be fixed. I will give you an example.
The comma after 'Scorched by the flames,' should be a period. It will introduce a new idea nicely with "I'm burned inside' I would actually set a comma at the end of the line but that's me.
I actually don't have anything to actually critique here. It is a marvelous poem, Ink.
Thank you!
Wow! This is a great poem. I love how short it is, and yet you manage to convey your meaning perfectly. I really love how easily I can flow from one verse to another.
If I were to have ANY complaints, I would say that I think that this poem would work a bit better as a free-verse poem instead of a rhyming poem, but I understand if you prefer it as a rhyming poem. I just think that free-verse may capture the feelings a bit better.
My favorite line is definitely: "Your cold words are burning; I'm roasting within." because of the cold words heating you up and all.
Overall, this is an amazing poem! I really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to check out more of your work!
Thanks so much for writing!
Thanks
I understand what you mean about having it free verse. I agree, the poem would probably come across more emotive if it were written like that. Thanks for the review!
Hey Inkie!
Good job on this poem! I love the overall point of it and its rhyming structure! A very interesting read! Your grammar is once again faultless; no problems in sight!
As TegaEdais said you do need to work on your imagery, it's not very sophisticated for a poem. I notice when you write short stories this is your style of writing; that's okay since it is your own style but generally poems are all about conveying feeling through imagery.
Overall, great poem!
Thnak you
And I know, the imagery of this one is a little off- at the time that I wrote it I wasn't really focussing on imagery! I know it can be improved 
Hey nice work.But where does it lead to. Hope don't sound arrogant, for this needs further editing. I love the rhyme scheme; very splendid I'd say. This work should have propelled more imagery than used.But every poetry has an origin, an emotion and you explained it so well.The tone that speak 'dare' or 'fear' is quite uncertain to me, and i believe every reader who is like me would find it difficult ;as to where the poem is heading to. Hopefully only 0.1% of readers are like me.
Accept my sincere advice.Edit this work, to me there is a hint of hope of getting the best from it.
Thank, Tega Majemite.
Thanks for the review- I will think about what you have suggested