Queen Bee

Oooh this was cool and damn you have talent, it rhymes and it has a nice flow too, this was very strong and you are one of my favorite authors here.

I can this poem read over and over again, but you have other poems too and I go review them all, you have a lot of talent and you have a great writing style.

Now go I post a few favorite lines of the poem with my meaning;

''That made her individual'' is a perfect last line that makes the poem strong.

''She made''new friends'' was really cool and how you put it into this poem is amazing.

'"She was left all alone'' is sad but I can relate to this line very much.

''From its Micky Mouse buns'' made me laugh cause it was written in a cute way and I love it!

Now I go read the other poems from you;

Dazzle

I love this! It really captures the atmosphere of change in school, and peer pressure to change to fit in. That last line was beautiful- it sent a real shiver down my spine! The rhyming is lovely too. The only thing is the spelling mistakes, but you can't change that Absolutely brilliant!

Wow, this is very beautiful, yet so dark and sad at the same time, as it's so true to life. I know a lot of people, mostly girls, who have fallen into this same trap and come out the other end worse for wear.

Society, and especially the public school system (don't quote me on this) does a very good job of literally "processing" millions of kids every year and just spitting them back out on the streets, with no sense of who they are or where they should be headed. It is the lie of the century.

"But when she looked in the mirror,

She had to look twice.

Her family loved her,

But she didn't feel right,

A half-empty person,

She longed for limelight."

You really, really hit the nail hard on the head here. Really, really hard. People are always looking for something to be proud about, something to be noticed by others, and unfortunately this has driven the world to change their views.

I love that you understand the truth about this point and have stated it very well.

"She had lost the one spark,

That made her individual."

I am an Individualist, but not because I think the individual is more important than the group, but because I believe that the individuals worth is more important than fitting in with the group. You seem to think the same.

Thank you Inkpot!

I love this!! Its so intense and I really like the depth of it!! Great Job!!

hey, Inkpot, you did review my work so thank you for that. Here's your review.
This is a great piece, realistic but light. I like the fact that you said it as it was though that's not very effective in poetry but here it worked so well. The piece captured me completely and it's something i can relate to. The rhyme scheme is great.
There's a little thingy with it and that's your arrangement, there are no stanzas. Stanzas help to describe a pause maybe, a result of her action, it gives a realistic feel to a poem. Apart from that I think it's great! Keep writing,
Bee!

Hey Inkpot!
Supernb here to review!
I loved your poem and its so realistic! I remember there was a girl in my school who was a "queenbee" . She looked so pretty and there would always be guys around her. She had her own clique and roamed around with a bunch of girls wearing the most expensive clothes. I was always awestruck by her and her personality. But then one day i came to know that she had no real friends. People would talk behind her back and would call her fake and an attention seeker. Thats when i realized about how wonderful my life was.
I loved how you made use of rhyme in your poem. And the descriptions are so apt! This poem couldn't get any better! Truly worthy of the literary spotlight
I would love to read more of your works!
Keep up the good work!
--supernb

Hello, Inkpot.

Kanome here with a wonderful review.

Good Comments: I love the whole poem. I like the rhyme scheme and the wording of the poem. I liked how she was trying to "fit in" with the rest of the crowd, even though she could have expressed her individuality in a whole new way. Honestly, I always wanted to fit in like the others in my high school days, but all I did was be myself.

Bad comments: Honestly, I don't have anything bad to say about this. I see no errors in the poem that I know of.

Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of your work c:

-K

Hey there!

First of all I would like to say, I think this poem is really good. I enjoyed reading it. The idea and all. Great development.
Maybe something that could help you is to somehow tie ideas together. Make things flow smoothly. Such as when you said:
"But she didn't feel right,
A half-empty person,
She longed for limelight."
It felt a little choppy. Otherwise, good job! Keep it up.

BiancaLU

Hello!
Alright, as you may have assumed, I am here to review.
I'm going to go over a couple of areas to make the reviewing process easier for me to write and you to read. Firstly, I'll cover the topic of this piece.
While it is nothing profound or divine, the topic is relatable, interesting and mostly original. Given from a more in-depth perspective of the depersonalization caused by societal pressure, the piece portrays a rather unique viewpoint for the readers that they may not have seen previously.
Good job.
Secondly, I'll describe what I found in the tone of the piece. While it is short, structured and choppy, I teeter on either complaining of the lack of shape of the poem or complimenting the artistic frankness. There is limited abstraction, few metaphors, and nothing allegorical or broadly meaningful about the words and syntax of the piece. If this was due to a lack of grammatical or rhetorical knowledge, then meh. If this was part of an artistic construct to make the poem appear as sociatialized as the subject, then good job.
Lastly, I will comment on the execution of your subject.
I enjoy the execution-- the overall sensation of the piece is pretty nice. There is significant room for aesthetic uplifting, particularly if your intentions were to stylize the piece to match the subject, but other than that, it's very fair.

All in all, it was relatable, enjoyable and made sense, though I'm not sure that it's as commentative as something I would consider truly artistic. Rather than having creative elements, aside the potential stylization and subject, the poem sounds more like a narrative, and though I can see why you'd intend it to have a mechanical feel to it, I feel as though a little more humanly relatable, rather than societally relatable, matter would have elevated the work.

Keep writing
xoxo
Kitty

This is a very nice poem, and one where I was expecting the main character to be a hero of sorts near the beginning, and practically hated her towards the end!
This issue is one I strongly believe in, and doesn't seem to explored in all too many poems.
The only criticism I would give is that the last line doesn't scan which it's pair, and made me stumble a little. Fix it if you can, but I can't see any solution, and it's only a very small thing.
Hope this helps,
Takr That You Fiend!

Well, this is really good! I like how you talked about "individuality lost." And you touched a very real subject: wanting to fit in and be noticed, the importance of indiviuality. You told us how important it was to just be you, and not a tidal wave striking on shore; noticeable, but disastrous. Because when tidal waves crash, they carry the land away with them, and it is always when the consequences wheel out of control that we realize the damage cannot be healed. The rhyming pattern you used wasn't jarring or forced, and overall, the flow of this poem was amazing! Just a couple of nitpicks, though.

And focussed on boys.

And found herself wondering,

Wow, this is AMAZING. I can bet you, like, £10 this will be on the Spotlight.
I love your rhythm. It's absolutely spot on, and the lines are great, short, to the point. I swear not a line is wasted in this, everything has a meaning and everything goes towards the last few lines which really top this piece to perfection.
It also really conveys that we should all be unique and we each ARE unique and shouldn't change for people. Great work.
I personally like the quote marks.
Great work, I cannot fault you on anything and I apologise, your works are literally perfect!
-CFG

I saw a post on your wall and decided to check it out! I have to say I found this poem really inspiring and insightful; a worthy message to some people! Once again your grammar is outstanding and I see no errors in that field!
The only thing I found a little bit odd was the first two quote marks, if other people considered her nice and pretty on the outside would they really use quote marks to show sarcasm? No they would actually consider this character to be these things.
Another thing is that you misspelled "focused", you wrote instead "focused".
Besides those minor things I really liked the meaning behind this poem!
See ya inkpot!

This is SO Good! I really like the snappy rhythm to it and your rhyming works so well to keep the momentum going.

It's a similar message to the one in my 'rebel' poem, I feel, but your poem works in a different way and is great at getting the words across. I think your final lines are very original and leave the reader thinking, wondering about how she got where she is, whether she could have maybe done things differently before it got too late. That use of inverted commas around "friends" is nicely done and says so much without even spelling it out.

There's a lot of sadness here too - like why should she have felt 'half-empty' before? What was it she longed for? I like how some of these questions are left open in your work, despite its strong message.

Really nice work. And your title is so apt too. Great choice!