Nothing seems interesting,
Nothing seems fun,
You tried to fight the laziness,
But the laziness has won.
Life's suddenly too long for you,
Everything's a chore,
The day's become a dull one,
An endless, tiring bore.
The work has piled up,
But you can't face it today,
The hours flutter by,
In their constant, rapid way.
You look out of the window,
And see the bleak, grey sky,
You try to find your will,
But have no will to try.
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hello, Inkpot!
RachelLeeAnn here to review. ^^
I really liked this! Sadly, I can totally relate.
I agree with Fiend in saying I like how you kept an even rhythm going the whole poem. It really suits the whole "monotony" thing.
I have to disagree about the last two lines: I thought they fit perfectly! They were a very good closer to this whole thing. They pretty much summed up the whole feeling of not wanting to try.
I have no nitpicks for you!
Great job on this.
Keep writing!
-Rae
Thanks a lot
This is a very nice poem, although I am happy to say I can't relate to it, I always have something to do.
I like the repetitive rhyme scheme, and keeping the rhythm the same without any sort of fluctuations or such mirrors your subject matter well.
The only thing I would criticize is the fact that the last two lines don't fit very well. Perhaps if you were to relate the last lines to an earlier point in the poem? Just a thought.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks
And I understand what you're saying about the last couple of lines. You make a good suggestion!
Your welcome!
'The day's become a dull one,
An endless, tiring bore.'
I don't think I have ever seen anyone capture boredom so effortlessly and accurately.
The work was both short and long enough.
It didn't bore me reading it.
Language was simply and conveyed your ideas clearly.
The punctuation and the grammar were flawless.
Good job, I would like to see more of your exploration of concepts in the future.
Thanks a lot!
Hi, mongoose here to review.
First of I really like this, it explains my day.
Bit weird really.
I love this it is a great way to express one day in one stanza. It shows how time flies by and the reader just its by watching it leave them.
I love this line:
"You tried to fight the laziness,
But the laziness has won."
Its so simple yet reaches out to everyone, because everyone has the exact same problem every day when they try and drag themselves out of bed in a morning.
The thing I would try and improve though, is maybe try and emphasize on "Nothing" a little bit more, maybe repeat it twice more at the or something, just to really push the idea of boredom.
I just like repetition so.
No, but this is a rally cool little poem, thanks for sharing it!:P
Thanks a lot for the review, I get what you're saying about repeating the word "nothing" it would make it stand out a little more.
You're welcome glad i could help:P