Depression
n. feelings of severe despondency and dejection
It's something you read about,
Synonymous with suicidal, self-harm, and crazy.
It's something you see,
It looks like long sleeves. thick eyeliner, and poetry.
It's something you hear about,
When discussing bullying and abusive step parents.
It's something I feel,
Similar to a lonely, aching heart.
It's something I taste,
Like the salt of tears and the bitterness of betrayal.
It's something you don't understand.
Lost in an endless sea of closed doors and turned backs, drowning in loneliness and heartache, I crawled ashore an island. Unknown to me, it was called Depression. That island became my hope- it was small, but I clung to it with everything in me, so as not to be swept away by the crashing waves of rejection and betrayal. That tiny little life saver was made of four little words- "Please don't leave me." On these words, and on the life-giving hope that grew on the island, I survived.
A Better Definition
n. a way of survival; an alternative to suicide; a lifestyle altered from the average in order allow flexibility for large amounts of stress, loneliness and exhaustion caused by traumatic loss or injury
A/N: I am not depressed. I was at one point in my life, but I am over it now. This poem was an attempt to describe the way I felt during that time. If anyone reading this is still in that place and would like someone to talk to, I don't mind listening. I can't say I know what you're going through but maybe I'll understand a little better than some of the people around you. Please don't ever give up on life. <3
I really like the whole comparing depression to an island thing. People who make fun of depression often don't understand it. It's not something you claim to have simply to ger attention all though some people do that. It's a lot more complicated than that And you will only truly understand it if you've been through it. Good job!!
Oh, depression.
The evil, bottomless pit, a beast that had me on my knees for years.
I love the way this is set up, and obviously you convey a clear and important message.
Description and your symbolism was great, although your examples of what 'depression looks like' are a bit stereotypical. Are these from specific experiences, or did it come differently for you?
One convention nitpick: "step parents" should be "step-parents"
And maybe add a bigger break between the end of your piece and your note at the end, just to make it distinct, since you use italics multiple times.
Yeah. That's about it. Loving it. Keep it coming.
And screw depression!! Woo~
Yours,
~iron.n
Hello, IAmMe.
Depression is a concept that pops up often in poetry. It makes it very difficult to write about in a new way.
The good news is, you have written about it in a new way. The bad news is, it is romanticizing something that shouldn't be romanticized.
Depression is awful, and you make it sound good. A way of survival? Perhaps, but don't call it hope. Depression is the antithesis of hope, the sucking away of hope. Don't say it's an island in the sea. The sea is depression. Talk about the island as something else. Friends, maybe, or helpers. Or maybe, the small seed of hope that grows from a grain of sand into a huge rainforest. Hope is not depression. It made me upset to see it portrayed in this way, to be honest.
The images you associate with depression in the first paragraph are very cliche and typical of teenage angst, rather than depression. Depression and angst can certainly exist side by side in the same person, but not every angsty teenager has depression, and not every person with depression is an angsty teenager. Try to find more images that portray a broader spectrum of this disorder. It's very narrow right now.
It's nice that you put a note at the end that encourages people to talk to you if they need you. That's very generous.
I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy YWSing!
Hello
I like the definition concept.
This was an interesting poem, but there were a few things that bothered me.
First, I can't speak for your experiences, but for me (and maybe just me), depression is not synonymous with self-harm, craziness, or suicide (although maybe the last one just a bit). Sure those that participate in self-harm are probably depressed in some way, but not all who are depressed participate in self-harm. I know you know this, but they way your poem reads, even thought you seem to be negating this idea (but you never actually come out and do it), it seems like you're saying that they should be seen together.
But again, I feel like the purpose of this poem is to lead away from that idea.
But then you lead too far, I think. By the end, you make depression sound like a good thing. You make it sound desirable. And I think that's worse that my other complaint. It is not good to be depressed. Sure, it's better than being suicidal, but it's still not good.
I think I've beat that horse enough.
The other major complaint I have about this is the cliches in it. That whole italicized paragraph starting with "lost" just reads very cliche to me. It's too poetically tragic. I tend to stay away from metaphors to drowning, words like heartache etc. Using depression as an island rather than the sea was a little unique, but it's just the other side of the same cliche coin.
There were other thinks I could pick at, but I think these two things were the most major. Let me know if you have any questions, and Keep writing!
Hi there,
Okay, I really like the way this is written even if I don't like the way some of it was done. I really liked the use of dictionary formating for the definitions, it made a strong impact and gave a finality to your own definition.
I do think it reads very well, but I think that just looking at it, when you enter the whole paragraph of italics, it takes away from what you're trying to say, italics are meant to emphasize, and yes I see you're trying to do that, but try to pick key words not an entire block of speech.
As well I'm not sure if its just me, but as beautifully worded as that paragraph is, and poetic, I feel it could have been spaced better. Past that though, the imagery of it is beautiful and for me very relatable.
Thank you for this beautiful piece of work.
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