Surrounded by walls,
Just like a prison cell.
Locked up in chains,
But nobody can tell.
~
I’m no longer free,
I’m not who I want to be.
They’re trying to hold me down,
But they don’t know the strength I’ve found.
~
Let me go,
And you’ll see me fly.
Let me go,
And I’ll take to the sky.
Let me go,
You can’t hold me anymore.
Let me go,
I’m stronger than before.
I am unstoppable.
~
You never thought you’d see me fight,
You thought I’d always fit my cage.
Well now I’m ready to take flight,
I’m done with pent-up rage.
I am unstoppable.
~
You can’t hold me back,
I’ve found what I’ve been looking for,
So stand back and watch me go.
After all these years, I’m finally free,
You can’t hold me back anymore.
~
I am unstoppable.
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hello.
First of all, this sounds like you were just translating frozen's "Let it go" XD (can't hold me back any more! ♫)
Regardless. One thing that threw me for a loop was that you changed from saying "they" to saying "you." That bothered me a bit. You should change your previous "they's" to "you's," or vice versa.
Next, the thing with your rhymes. They were pretty good, most of the time. There were a few lines that just felt like forced rhyme (one of these being "I’m done with pent-up rage.") But your rhyme scheme doesn't match at all through the song.
Your first stanza goes: ABCB
Your second stanza goes (we're just gonna reuse the ABC's for comparison): AABB
Your third stanza goes: ABABACACD
And so on. none of them match except for maybe the third and fourth stanza.
I don't even know if you want to rhyme anyway.That's for you to decide though.
I think your title should be "Unstoppable" because otherwise the resemblance to frozen is just too much.
Great job, keep writing!
~fortis
Hi there it's Inspirus here to review the poem!
To being with, I think 'Unstoppable' sounds more appropriate to the message in the poem. It also has an epic ring to it and well that makes it an ideal choice in my opinion.
I loved the words in this poem. The lines in the verses flowed to some sort of a rhythm in my head that was almost lyrical.
The poem itself is simple but the message in it is strong. I loved the message and I appreciated the simplicity.
In the end, it's simplicity aided its clarity and grammatical structure, giving no chance for errors do to its straightforward use of vocabulary.
You should though try to lodge in some metaphoric language there just to excite the minds of your readers and not have them merely infer the essence of your poem with barely a skim through.
I loved the poem and the message in it was really inspirational. For me, what makes a poem beautiful is the voice in it. A voice of encouragement could save a life.
Great work IamMe!
This reminds me a lot like me and my mothers past life. And reading this I did get teary. I did feel like I needed to be free and when they wouldn't let me, I knew in my heart I had to show them. This was beautiful and emotional for me to read. My mother, if she read this, would be proud to say a lot of women who had been in our cases would feel the need to give you a standing ovation.
I'm proud of you as a writer, you were on point. I'm sure you know what that feeling is like; being hurt and feeling weak. ANd if so, through your writing you are healing and so is the women who felt caged. This poem was sweet and I really do thank you, cause it's hard to find poems that do say. DAM i'm hurt and watch me break away. It will take time, but that's what unstoppable means. You can't break a spirit, heart, chance cause we will come back on top.
Great!