I wanted to write a beautiful poem,
One that would tell of sorrows and joys,
Of hardships, trials, failures and triumphs.
I wanted it to be deep and meaningful,
To be relatable, yet unique,
Full of significant nothings
And lovely phrases.
I wanted it to express my pain,
To share my success,
To allow others to feel the way I do,
So that someone would know
And I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
And I did.
I wrote the perfect poem,
One that’s beautiful and painful,
Relatable, yet so unique,
With lots of falls, lots of laughs,
A poem that clearly expresses every thought I’ve ever had,
Every emotion I’ve ever felt.
It tells of every night I’ve laid awake,
Every tear I’ve shed in the quiet of isolation,
Every wonderful memory of friends.
It’s raw, it’s powerful, it’s real.
I knew that this poem was the one I’d wanted to write for so long,
The one always just out of reach.
Finally, I’ve found the right words to say.
This is the poem I wrote:
~
Life.
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Amazing job. I really liked this. Not sure if I liked the last bit though:
"This is the poem I wrote:
~
Life.
But it does make sense and does go with the theme. Maybe I just don't like the space in between and the edit. Oh whale, that's my problem, I suppose.
Keep expressing.
-Percybeth
This poem is very touching to me. It talks about the struggles of starting a poem(in some way). When I say something, I am suggesting it, you don't have to do it because your poem is wonderful. What I would recommend is putting the poem into stanzas, organize it a little more. Have a tiny theme in each of these stanzas.
This poem also is missing somethings. At the end you could say, {how stupid have I been? It was right in front of me} You could have something like that. You also could have something along the lines of the heroic journey(if you don't know what this is, just look it up). You start with the person being reluctant to continue and they are about to give up on the poem, in the middle. Then they go through trails(like you do very well). In the finally, you have them realize that they had it right there, Life.
Now, for the good things in this this piece. You have a wonderful theme in here that I love a lot. Your details are very good and unique, I personally have trouble coming up with these. I like how you hook the reader to read your piece. The title suits it very well. Usually, when I read poems, I skim through the titles looking for the ones that are the best(I know. I know. Don't judge a book by its cover but whatever.) The way you italicized Life, brought out the word very well. Overall, I enjoyed this piece. Please write more.
I see a lot of potential in this piece. I had a hard time emotionally connecting with it, not sure why. There was a lot of build up, and the ending was clever. I enjoyed the read, but maybe it was too abstract to create an emotional response. I understood what you were going for, and think the ideas are good, but was left feeling like something was missing. Maybe it's just me and not the poem. Solid writing, though!
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Well done.
Hi there!
I found one mistake:
I'm pretty sure you meant "laid", not "lain".
Other than that, grammar, punctuation, and spelling seemed good.
I'll be honest here. I see many poems "like" this on here. Notice I put quotes on like. Not exactly the same, but the poems are about how they can improve writing poetry, or something like that.
This is the part where I'll be honest. This is my favorite out of all of them I've read. I haven't read a lot of them, but this is certainly my favorite. Why? I like how you're talking about how you're trying to write a good poem (which, by the way, is a different topic than the others, but still a little the same), and then at the end.... Life . It is a simple word, but a complicated subject.
I was kinda rambling on, but anyways, I hope this helps...
WillowPaw1~
Thank you!