Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Chapter 2
Zander stood up and held out his hand. I accepted his help and noticed just how calloused his hands were. This guy was like my dream guy. He had beautiful eyes, calloused hands and seemed to be a gentleman in a severely weird way.
"Thank you, Zander. I-I'm Katie," I chuckled, "but you already knew that I guess."
He smiled, his eyes boring into my own, "Your welcome."
I looked around, suddenly feeling really awkward. The rest of the men were starting to go on their way with a few nervous glances towards Zander. Who was this guy? Sure, he just killed that guy but he didn't seem all that scary.
My phone started buzzing. I looked at Zander before pulling it out. Jennifer. I really didn't expect it to be anyone else, "Hey, Jen. Um, now isn't a good time, I'll call you back."
"Katie! Don't hang-" Click. I felt a little bad but I was standing on the highway with a stranger. Who, in fact, just saved my life from a few sickos.
I didn't say a word to him. We just stood there, studying each other. It was Zander that stopped our staring contest. He frowned, as if waking up from a dream and said, "Welcome to the real world, Katie. Learn from tonight not to go walking around at night alone." His tone was surprisingly harsh and it startled me. He just saved me and seemed like a gentleman. What was this?
"I'm sorry. I-I didn't know they would be there. Whoever they are." I was stuttering. Why was I apologizing? Edexx was a town of five hundred people at the very most and I've been walking at night for the past five years. How was I supposed to know that this night would be so different from the others?
"Well, now that you know life isn't all unicorns and fairies, I may as well tell you what they were," he put his hand in his pocket and much to my annoyance, seemed impatient that he had to explain this to me, "There are a lot of fake fairy tales but there are quite a few true ones. All stories come from people with imagination right?"
I nodded my head, "I guess."
"Wrong! Stories come from people who have seen things that no one wants to believe is real, therefore they pretend they were just telling a tale. It's a coward’s way of escaping reality! Have you ever seen how they portray us? It's bloody ridiculous!" He stopped as if thinking about what he said and chuckled, "No pun intended. Anyway, the point little girl, is that vampires exist. Yes, I would know because I am one. Now that you know, I would like to be on my way." He turned away from me and started to walk away.
What?
"You're crazy!" I leapt towards him and caught his arm before he got too far. He whipped around, face changed again with his long teeth coming threateningly close to my face. I could see the red stains of blood them and the stench of old road kill on his breath reeked in my face. There was no way I could deny his nature but this couldn't be true! I didn't want it to be.
I let go of his arm as he snarled in my face, "Face reality little girl." He turned away from me again but this time I let him go. I stood there for a minute, completely stunned as I thought over what happened. I didn't know if Zander told me the truth but something inside told me he didn't lie. Much to my dismay.
All my boy troubles was the last thing on my mind. An hour ago, I was depressed that Nathan didn't see me the way he used to. Now, I am walking to his house to go tell his sister that I almost died but was revived by a vampire. Oh yeah, vampires exist! Crazy, right?
The whole way to her house, I kept glancing over my shoulder. I felt like I was being watched and I wondered if Zander was keeping an eye on me. The last three blocks, I couldn't take it anymore. I brought my pace up to a steady jog and I felt like a scared bunny the way I was watching every shadow. I really didn't blame myself for being freaked shitless. I learned a lot tonight. None of it was rainbows and unicorns either.
Relieved when Jen's house came into view, I stiffened as I saw Nathan sitting on the porch with his vape. He almost jumped out of his skin when he saw me and on a normal day, I would have smiled. Not tonight.
"Is Jen here?" I couldn't mask the urgency in my voice. I mentally kicked myself as his expression changed from startled to concerned.
He stood up from the step and looked at me, "What's going on Katie?"
"Please, Nate, don't ask. Is she home?" The tears were so close to falling but I sucked them in as much as I could. I couldn't cry in front of him like the helpless teenager I am. I didn't want his sympathy or his comfort. I rolled my eyes mentally as I realized that's exactly what I wanted earlier. What a woman I am.
"Yeah, she's upstairs but Katie? Are you okay?" He reached out and touched my arm with his hand. His touch sent a shiver down my spine and I had to restrain myself from falling apart.
I forced a small smile, "Yeah...yeah, I'll be fine." I hurried past him to hide the one tear that I couldn't hold. I didn't look back but I could feel his concern following me. How I managed to keep cool that long, I didn't know.
I ran lightly up the steps and burst open her bedroom door, "Jen!?" I shut the door behind me and walked around the wall to her side of the room. The room was separated into two bedrooms and Jen's was at the back.
Thank God her sister, Katherine, wasn't home for the week. All I needed was that old hag hearing all of this so that she could send me away to an asylum. She was the only one in the family who had a problem with Jen hanging with me. She doesn't like me. She thinks it's wrong to hang out with me because of our families' feud.
I stopped in my tracks. My heart slowed but I could feel the heat of my anger begin to boil. There she was, sitting on her bed. With Austin. They were just sitting there but their haphazard appearance told me all I needed to know. Her pink lipstick was smeared and they looked guilty as hell. I couldn't take it anymore. My tears finally ran freely down my cheeks as I ran back down the stairs, ignoring their calls behind me. How could they? My two best friends dated, broke up, hated each other and now I find them making out? How the hell did that make any sense?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
And so the drama begins:)
You do a nice job of making your book interactive for your reader. It feels like she is talking to us, yet we know she isn’t. "Wrong! Stories come from people who have seen things that no one wants to believe is real, therefore they pretend they were just telling a tale.” I love this line so much because I have never heard someone explain it in this way! So very good, your creative gets me everytime. Also the emotion is really thick here.
As far as the speed, I like how when I read your piece there is a temp almost a rhythm. I also liked the characterization for Zander in this last bit. It took me off guard when he kinda had a change of heart. It makes me wonder more and more what all is there about him. What is his story. Also your title is really having me on the edge of my seat.
Also one thing I noticed from your last chapter. HOW DOES ZANDER NO HER NAME. She didn’t tell it to him, and that should have set off some instinct in her you’d think that a complete stranger knows her name. I am intrigued is Katie scared of Zander at all. I am excited to see where their relationship goes
Also what is this town? Is it a normal town? And is there a specific time this is set in?
Now for something to consider…(This is meant to be helpful not mean!)
Here you say. “He had beautiful eyes,” one thing I may encourage is to go more into things like this when describing appearance. Like what color are they? Do they make her think of something? Why does she think they are beautiful. If the point of not going into what his appearance his to slowly unravel what he looks like more and more ignore this then.
Hey Raelyn! Wow! You are reviewing fast and I%u2019m loving it!
Thank you for the review! Just so you know, basically nothing you say I will ever take offence to! I am here to learn and if I can%u2019t take criticism, then what the heck am I doing here, right!?
I will def put more detail into his eyes (I%u2019m kind of surprised I don%u2019t because eyes are HUGE for me) because eyes are awesome!
Thanks again!
Of course, LOL usually I don't write reviews this fast I just really like your work. I love eyes sooo much too. If I am trying to describe someone it is always their eyes I talk about first:)
Lol well 'm flattered!
Eyes just tell you so much about a person! I had someone tell me once to stop mentioning their eyes "cuz it's not that big of a deal" and I was like WHATTTT? XD
Mmm...I'm not convinced by the fact the first detail we write is that he guy is good-looking and most of all that he reveals without any hesitation that vampyres are real. I would expect some more explanation in that front. That could have been a good moment to slow down the rhyhtm and explain more of the details I was waiting for, although only part of them.
Of course it could also not be a story for me, but I'll read the next part and decide if I should keep it or not
Thanks for the review! I will have to keep that in mind when I edit! Thank you for pointing it out!
Wow .... I can't even.
That last paragraph took my breath away. After everything Katie had been through one would think that I'd be less shocked at finding her friends making out and that shouldn't hit me as emotionally. But for some reason, because of what Katie has been through already during that night, all she needs is a shoulder to cry on. And the one shoulder has betrayed her! How could Jen - was she even really worried about Katie? Was she with Austin when she called? I'm so mad right now.
Now, the only thing I felt that was a bit awkward was in this sentence...
"Wrong! Stories come from people who have seen things that no one wants to believe is real, therefore they pretend they were just telling a tale. It's a coward’s way of escaping reality! Have you ever seen how they portray us? It's bloody ridiculous!" He stopped as if thinking about what he said and chuckled, "No pun intended. Anyway, the point little girl, is that vampires exist. Yes, I would know because I am one. Now that you know, I would like to be on my way."
I loved this entire speech of Zander's. However, the last two sentences made it fall a bit flat. Perhaps that revelation could be made later or after Katie challenges him by asking how he knows all this?
Otherwise that's it. Such a great chapter and so emotional, with her feelings for Nathan then seeing her friend making out. This story has me hooked! Keep up the fantastic work!
-Shieldmaiden
Thanks Cecy! I appreciate it!
Great, great, great!
Your really writing really fast on this honora!
Your also doing really well!
I just have one tiny suggestion I didn't think of before...
You may want to put the lines people are talking separate from the paragraph.
It makes it easier for the reader to see, read.
Either than that its getting really good!
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
Ok thank you for pointing that out! I will keep it in mind in my future writing!
Kkk
I'm during, when the next chapter gonna be out???
Soon! I promise! (Probably tonight it tomorrow)