Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
He chuckled, chilling me to the bone, “I haven’t had a good feed in so long. Much less from a young one.” I almost wished he was talking about cannibalism. It would make it a whole lot less disgusting. Uh, maybe not.
I looked up into his eyes and I knew my fear could clearly be seen in my own. Not knowing what else to do, I kicked him in the shins and made a bolt for it. The men started whooping as I ran, making me feel like I was running right into some sort of trap. I definitely was not turning around so I kept running as fast as I could.
Something hit me hard in the back, sending me flying. I somehow kept the tears in as I landed on the solid highway. My knees and shoulders ached from where I landed but that wasn’t my biggest concern at the moment. I jumped up quickly but someone grabbed the collar of my jacket, throwing me to the ground. The air escaped my lungs and I was too busy trying to breathe that I couldn't fight him as he pinned me down with his weight. I yelped as he yanked my hair back, exposing my neck.
“I promise it’ll be quick.” He whispered in my ear. He chuckled and what came next was not at all what I expected. He bit my neck. Not is a cool, sensual way. No he actually bit my neck with those sharp teeth. What the hell? I could feel my blood flowing easily into his mouth and I began to feel drained. I tried one last time to fight him but I was weak. I cringed as I could hear him gulping my blood down like it was a nice drink of water. A copper smell hit my nose and I knew it was my blood that I was smelling. I tried to hit him but only my fingers moved, scraping against the rough surface of the highway.
Barely conscious, I heard another man’s voice, “Vitruvius! Get away from her!” If I was in a better condition, I probably would have laughed at his name. I felt “Vitruvius’s” body being thrown off of me but I couldn’t even get up to take advantage of their distraction. I just laid there, helpless. I turned my head to the side, hoping to catch a glance of my “rescuer.” I didn’t recognize him. He looked like he was in his mid-twenties. His spiky white hair contrasting his black leather jacket. I couldn’t help but notice that his face was in the same ridiculous mask the others were in with their cat-like eyes…and canine teeth that were real.
A whole new surge of panic hit me. Everyone knows vampires didn’t exist but here I am, doubting that they were a just a story. That guy literally sucked my blood. Either I’m going crazy or he has major mental issues.
I watched them fight, not sure who was going to win. I hoped that my mysterious rescuer would win. I didn’t want to imagine what would happen to me if he didn’t. I just laid there, watching.
Even though it should have puzzled me, it didn’t when the white-haired guy pulled out a wooden stake and stabbed Vitruvius in the heart. That’s not the puzzling part. That part is how Vitruvius just stiffened and exploded in a disgusting ray of dust. What the hell? This was too much. First, I get my blood sucked out of me and then my attacker gets exploded into dust by my rescuer!? If I survived, I couldn’t wait to be put in a mental asylum for telling Jen all this.
The white-haired guy looked back towards the others and yelled, "None of you ever touch her again! If I even suspect that one of you looked at her wrong, I will break your neck!" He must have been their leader or something because none of them protested. They all just nodded their heads and looked down like a chastened child.
I stiffened as his attention fell on me. Even though he just saved me, I didn't feel entirely comfortable with his protection. He walked over and gently lifted my head up onto his lap. Wow, how awkward can this get? I glanced up at him and to my surprise, his face was normal. No mask hid his face and his long fangs shortened to normal canine teeth. Although he's a stranger, I couldn't help but think how attractive he was. He had a slender face with a strong jaw and high cheekbones. His full lips curved around his perfect teeth and his eyes...his eyes were a startling cloudy green.
I should really thank him but when I try to use my voice, my throat cracks as if it was burned. I decided to nod my head once, pretty sure he would get the gist of what I was trying to say.
"Shhh, it's alright Katie. Just rest," he looked up and zeroed in on one of the men standing there, "Find me another. He drained a lot of blood. If you want to live, you'll make it fast!" I watched as he scurried away like a scared rabbit and wondered just who this guy was.
I wondered what he was going to do about it. If he was smart, he would bring her to the hospital for a blood transfusion but he didn't seem to think of it. Great, he saved me just to let me die. I shouldn't feel bitter towards him but I couldn't help it. I was going to die. I could feel my energy steadily dropping and I could no longer even move my fingers.
"Hey, don't you close your eyes. Katie!" His voice was growing distant and I suddenly felt at peace. I could no longer feel the piercing pain in my neck or knees or shoulders. I felt like I was floating above my problems. I still knew that they were there but it was like watching them from another's view. I could feel him quickly put me down on the road and the cold spring breeze but it was all very distant. My breath became shallow and eventually stopped altogether.
He apparently didn't want my peace to continue. I watched him as he bit his wrist and stuck it on my mouth. I almost gagged as his blood flowed down my throat. It was thick and my throat burned as I swallowed. Ew, I swallowed.
Just like that, my pain returned and I could breathe clearly. I gasped for breath, my lungs screaming in agony. I coughed and he held me in a half sitting half laying down position. I felt oddly comforted with his arms wrapped around me. Normally, it would take a long time for me to feel this secure with a guy but there was something about this one. I can't explain it. He was probably double my age and that was a disgusting thought.
My attention was taken away as the man returned with a girl about my age slung across his shoulder. What was going to happen to her? I had Stranger to protect me. Who did she have?
"Bring her here." I wished I knew Stranger's name but he didn't have the decency to introduce himself yet. Well, in his defence, he's been too busy trying to keep me alive for some reason.
He didn't say another word as the man laid her down. Stranger put me back on the cool highway and turned his attention to the other girl. A sudden jealously pulsed through me. What was going on? I was getting jealous of a guy I met twenty minutes ago. I didn't even meet him, I've just been snuggling into him. Wow, I sounded like a slut. Given the circumstances, I decided that I wasn't.
I watched, trying to ignore my jealousy, as he bit her wrist the same way he did to his own. He lifted her arm and started to bring it towards me. Oh hell no. Not again. Yep, again. My mouth was filled with disgusting thick blood and this time, I couldn't help but gag.
"Don't Katie. Just drink." His voice was soft yet I heard the command. Even though every human part of me told me not to, I listened. I let it flow into my mouth and down my throat. Despite the fact that it was blood and tasted disgusting, it felt really nice against my throat. The burning sensation started to go away and my neck went numb instead of a steady throb.
Stop now. I jumped as his voice sounded in my head. I lifted my hand and pushed the girl's arm away from my mouth. I looked up at him and he seemed a little shocked. He didn't plan on speaking to me in head? Of course not! That's insane!
The expression disappeared as soon as it came and he replaced it with a smirk, "I'm Zander, by the way."
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Canary word: Present
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Once again. Great chapter😁
Whaaaaaatttt? I I barely have words. This makes me think of twilight, throne of glass, and vampire diaries all at the same time. I know I said I was hooked before but know I am like really really hooked. One thing I am noticing is I live how you make this super fantasy yet also really modernized at the same time. They way she explain things, it really seems like she a teenager in 2019. This umm Zander really has made an impression on me I already know I am completely going to fall in love with him and fan girl over him. Gosh how do you build characterization so fast... I need your advice because your already have made your character so individual and I am only on 1.2. I could really see this getting published an besting a best time New York seller. This is such a cliffhanger, and I am so excited to keep bingeing your work. I live your imagery for when she is drinking blood, and also when she gets jealous. Like seriously I am jealous for her. You are really making this story come to life. I see why so many people love your writing. I am excited to see where this goes and how you go about what ever creature these are. Also nice use of mask to create symbolism. Plus I like your use of movement!
Thank you! It%u2019s always awesome to have someone read my stuff for the first time! I%u2019m super excited to hear what you think of the rest!
For my characterization, I literally have all of these characters based off of someone I know and that helps a lot. I just think, what would he/she do in this situation? It is fun!
Katie is based off of myself lol. Jen is one of my best friends and most of the drama shit that goes on has actually happened to me. This book is almost like my diary/story XD
That so cool well you must know some pretty cool people:) And I like Katie very much so you much be verry cool too:)
Lol they are pretty cool. Just wait till you get to the drama tho before you decide XD and thanks!
haha will do
I forgot in my previous review that here in this website people split chapter. Now I get the story!
Very fast paced, I must say. Maybe a little too fast paced, but it's good enough not to get lost in details. I also was ready to bet the guy who saved her was Nathan, but for now so it doesn't happen. There's certainly now enough to be discovered, who was this lost friend, who is this unknown guy and who are these vampyres. I will keep reading.
Thanks for the review! I%u2019m glad that you will keep reading!
Hey Honora! Great second chapter - or part of the first. I really liked how you had us in Katie's head while all of this absurdity was happening to her. I like that she wasn't whiny, yet you combined a nice balance of wit (her satire and dry humored remarks) with confusion.

Katie's repulsion with drinking blood was natural and very well done. I can only imagine the moral issues she is going to have with all of this when she feels better. Her physical pain was also very well described. I could practically see her fading away in my mind's eye.
Zander - I liked how Katie started calling him Stranger. But perhaps the first time she calls him that you could italicize it. Up till that part she had been thinking him in third person without a name. It kind of threw me off when she suddenly started calling him that. I liked it though - it again showed a part of her character and how she can find the humor in even bizarre situations like that.
Zander's voice in her head was a nice touch and I really like how you ended this chapter. It closed nicely. Can't wait to read the next chapter. Keep writing!
-Shieldmaiden
Thank you again!
I'll go back to italicize that when I edit!
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow! That's great!
Thank you!
Your welcome!
Lol, I musta been messed up when I posted this, lol.
XD oh well. It still encouraged me to keep writing!
XD
This is just as good as 1.1! Your description of when the group of guys took her down and Vitruvius drank her blood was detailed and really helped me visualize what was going on. Similar to 1.1, the only real issues here are with grammar.
So in this quote, there's no "he said" or anything like that. There's just action, which means that there should be a period inside the quotation marks instead of a comma. Because you haven't written, "He looked up and zeroed in one one of the men standing there [and said], you also end that with a period instead of a comma. The fixed sentence would be, "Shhh, it's all right, Katie. Just rest." He looked up and zeroed in on one of the men standing there. "Find me another. He drained a lot of blood. If you want to live, you'll make it fast!" I changed alright to all right because the latter is more formal, but this is just personal preference. I also added a comma after "all right."One mistake I found pretty often was the misuse of commas in dialogue. I'll try to explain this as best I can.
The same comma thing is at the end of the chapter:
And...yeah, the commas are the only big issue here! I thought it was interesting that Zander revived Katie by making her drink blood. One question: how does Zander know her name? Does her know her before this all happened (and maybe I forgot? I've been extremely tired all week), or is that coming later?
Great job overall! New genres are hard to write and you're doing really well!
Thank you for the review! I will definitely keep this stuff in mind in my future chapters!
That's a pretty valid question though!
It all comes later how he knows her name.
Looking forward to the rest of the story! I'll review 2.1 when I find the time
Sounds good! Thank you for reading
I love your avatar btw
Omg! Omg!
I love it so much!
Your doing so great on this, it's becoming really Interesting .
I have so many questions about this, if you don't mind id love to discuss about it.
I didn't really pay attention for grammar mistakes or anything... I was to into it, but just make sure there isn't any.
Either than that I love where your going with this.
Thank you for telling me it was out, Also,
This is great, keep up the good work!
Sincerely anma
Thank you! I will want you it is going to be fairly dramatic but I have some pretty cool plans for it. I at least hope their cool XD whatever you want to discuss, just PM me!
Can't wait!!
Omg! Omg!
I love it so much!
Your doing so great on this, it's becoming really Interesting .
I have so many questions about this, if you don't mind id love to discuss about it.
I didn't really pay attention for grammar mistakes or anything... I was to into it, but just make sure there isn't any.
Either than that I love where your going with this.
Thank you for telling me it was out, Also,
This is great, keep up the good work!
Sincerely anma