I act oblivious as you circle my feet
and bait me with your tail
wriggling against my knee.
You face me with dilated eyes
as you muttered,
Now.
I reach my hand to seize you
But you don't cower away.
You squeeze your face against my palm.
Nibbling my fingers as if in taunt:
What are you waiting for?
Grab my neck.
You press your soft and tender fur
until my nails become blunt.
You wild and crazy creature.
Why are you taming the predator?
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138,379 Literary Works • 672,111 Reviews
Hey Haraya.
I really liked the poem. People think that alley cats are all bad and that they are more likely to hurt you. What I liked about your poem is that you showed that they can be loving as well. After all, they are animals who've been abandoned.
Now about the actual poem. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes besides the ones that have already been pointed out but I would like to say about the clarity of the poem. I had to read it twice to get a clear picture of what was the cat doing. It might also be because apart from the cat and the person we don't know anything about the place. That can be helpful. You have a great vocabulary and a lovely subject but it's important for a poem to be able to picture the action, story of it.
Overall this is a great poem,
MoonIris.
Hi Haraya! It's Shade here to do a review today!
First off, I want to tell you that this is a really good poem. It has a great thought behind it, and it's about cats (bonus points for you.)
I know that watcha has already pointed out the mistakes, and I can't find any others so good job! However, there was one line that made me confused.
I don't know, I just couldn't get what you meant in this line. Maybe make a little more clear?
I loved this poem, and it was a great piece of work, like every other poem of yours that I've read.
Keep writing!
-Shade
Hello Haraya, I'm here to review your short poem!
I don't usually comment on titles since I don't find them to be very important, however I did just want to point out that your current title feels a bit bland and matter of fact. I think it would be worth it to come up with a more descriptive and intriguing title.
Anyway, moving on to the actual poem! I love the final line and its plot twist, I guess you could call it. The whole poem leads up to it but it still comes as a surprise to the reader, which is really great! It also gets me thinking about how we use words like "tame", because the cat does seem to be "taming" the narrator, even though I would never think of it like that.
I would suggest trying to use more imagery throughout the poem, since most of the wording is quite literal. Nothing exactly wrong with that, but since it's poetry it never hurts to add some imagery.
There are also two few minor nitpicks I want to point out. Firstly, for the most part this poem seems to be in present tense. However there is one line that is in past, and I would suggest changing it to present to stay consistent.
Thus,
would become
And the second minor detail, is in the above quote - the period after "creature" should probably be a comma.
Other than that, I don't have much to critique! The concept is really interesting, and I enjoyed how you used second person to refer to the cat, as it really draws the reader into the poem.
That's it for my review, sorry it's a bit short, but I hope you find it helpful! If you have any questions about it feel free to ask!
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit