I don’t have wounds to make my words bleed
no cut in my flesh for ink to spill
no mix of insipid flavors in my heart.
What I have is a pulse—
that beats
and thuds—
that carries a breath to the core of my skull.
And
with the strum of a nerve,
I peel a sheet of white flesh
etch wounds on its skin
and watch the words bleed ink.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello there Haraya! My name's Addison!
Something about this piece thoroughly resonates with me. The first line drew me in, the second stanza captured me, and the fourth completely drove it home. I strive to do work such as this. The vocabulary is immaculate, the rhythm in perfect time, all while being small enough to not be a complex read but still thought provoking.
All in all, I would like to congratulate you on such a great poetry piece!
Hello @Haraya !
I am really astonished. How beautifully have you framed into words your thoughts. It leaves a deep impact on my heart whenever I read it. The first line is so amazing.
Usually, writers tend to write about love and healings. But the pain that is shown in your poetry is so touching.
I think the line I liked the most was
"I peel a sheet of white flesh
etch wounds on its skin
and watch the words bleed ink."
Such an amazing line it is!
Altogether I found your work a really good one. Beautifully written.
Well done,keep it up and best of luck for future.
Best wishes
Mahira
Thank you so much!
The first line did the magic.
Hello Haraya! I'm here to review your poem!
I really loved the originality of this poem. Poets often talk about healing hurt, whether emotional, physical, spiritual, or mental, but rarely do they write about causing hurt, in the context of wanting to have more experience and emotions to bring to their poetry. (At least that's what I interpreted the poem to be about, forgive me if I'm wrong.) From what I can tell, the narrator feels that they've had too safe or boring a life, and their writing is empty of emotions because of this. I find this subject to be really intriguing and interesting and so fresh! Long story short, I think you've chosen a unique subject with lots of potential.
For the structure, I enjoy how short and natural it feels. The stanzas aren't consistent, but I think that that complements the theme of the poem nicely. I'm not entirely sure about how you chose to divide the third stanza, as the line break feels a bit unnecessary -
but that's completely a personal preference and if you like how it breaks the flow then of course you can leave it how it is.
My only real critique is that there is repetition that I would recommend cutting out in some places.
I would suggest altering the wording to prevent the use of "no" twice; one way to do so is shown below.
The only other place where I feel there's a bit of unnecessary repetition is in the second stanza.
This could also be remedied by changing the wording, like so -
However this is fairly minor and not a big deal at all and totally up to you.
Overall, I loved the subject, which you portrayed beautifully with your imagery and language. Lines such as "no mix of insipid flavors in my heart" and "carries a breath to the core of my skull" give the reader vivid pictures in their mind.
That's it for my review, I hope you found it helpful! If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
I did have a different interpretation, but it's great that it gave a different meaning to you
. Thank you for the review!
You're welcome!
What was your intended interpretation, if you don't mind me asking?
It's about how I couldn't find any sentimental experience or emotion (wounds and insipid flavors) as I tried to write so I looked for something else to resonate with me. So instead, I made the poem the experience, making the words bleed on their own, not through my own wounds. (Sorry if that doesn't make sense.)
That's super interesting! And it definitely makes sense!
Hi Haraya! I'm Shadeflame, although you can call me Shade and I'm here to review your work today!
First off, I'm going to tell you that I loved this poem. It was written well, with plenty of imagery for the reader to imagine.
Since you use punctuation in your poem, I found that you were missing a comma here
There probably should be a comma after "and".
I found your poem a great representation of how we insert a little bit of our of our soul into everything we write, especially poems.
Keep writing
-Shade
Thank you for the review
!
No problem!
Wow, I enjoyed reading! Its so good and deep T.T . Keep writing! Looking forward to read more of your works.
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