Malunggay tree
you shake your leaves like maracas
as you dance to the song of sultry wind.
Please share the melody you hear
let me sing the secret harmony
of arid summers.
Malunggay tree
I remember meeting you bare and stunted
then earth fed your bones and verdant locks.
Please share the hidden savory of dirt
I need the recipe for the life-giving cuisine
of soil and mud.
Malunggay tree
you stand firm despite my outcry
as you were before howls of tempests.
Please share the art of your roots
I want to craft sturdy patterns
of art nouveau.
Malunggay tree
please stop offering me your wood
your leaves
your shade
your fruit
because Malunggay tree
though your nutrients save our crumbling bodies
they don’t feed a starving poet.
Please, I need your imageries and metaphors
to save my heart from this dry spell
of barren words.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello Haraya! I saw this poem in the green room and thought I'd drop by for a review!
@Traves already gave you a great review, so I'll try to avoid being repetitive.
I have to agree that imagery is definitely a strong point for this poem. You make use of easily understandable but also sophisticated language that suits the subject of the poem perfectly! My favourite lines were
because you seamlessly combine two senses, feeling and hearing, and create a really descriptive phrase.
That being said, I did feel like at one point you used perhaps too fancy a word; substituting a simpler and more familiar word would probably make it stronger, though that may seem counterintuitive.
I feel like there could be a much simpler way of wording the above line, perhaps without the use of "nouveau".
I personally don't mind the repetition of "Malunggay tree", especially since you use a lovely variation in the last stanza. For that last stanza, though, since you don't capitalize "because", I would recommend adding some punctuation in the previous stanza to show that that is intentional, perhaps something along the lines of
with a dash added after fruit to show continuity into the next stanza.
I also agree with Traves that there's an inconsistent use of punctuation. For the most part you avoid commas, however the line
makes use of a comma.
It's not a huge deal, but I would recommend deciding whether you want to use punctuation or no punctuation, and try to stick to that decision throughout the poem.
Overall, this was a really lovely poem. I thought it was really clever that the last stanza ties back to getting inspiration for imagery and metaphors from the tree, since the entire poem uses beautiful imagery to describe the tree.
That's it for my review, I hope you found it helpful, and if you have any questions feel free to ask!
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
Thanks for checking this out and thank you so much for the review!
Hi @Haraya ! Traves here for a quick review.
Nature poetry is like a breath of fresh air on here (no pun intended). I did not know what a Malunggay tree referred to, but on Googling I realized I've seen that tree a lot but I didn't know its name. This is poem flows so well it's criminal. I felt like I had been fed a thought of mine that I didn't know I had, through the screen. Although I throw the word "complete" a lot in my reviews, I don't believe it does justice to the narrative you've woven smoothly. I will stick to the review format I learned in a workshop here a few years ago, because my brain still wants to go back and read this poem again but I must finish this review before I sleep.
1. Similes, metaphors, imagery, other devices-> This is one of the strongest points of this work. You take enough time to build an image, but instead of going in too deep you link it across to the next one in the next stanza. Skillfully done. and although heart related metaphors are usually cliche, "dry spell of barren words" and the work done by the lines before it saved it.
-The personification(/animation?) of the tree deserves special mention. It dances, it grows, it eats, yet it feels more of a tree than ever, maybe more.
- One of my nitpicks with the work would be the repetition of the nam "Malunggay tree". I do not believe it adds much emphasis and clarity of reference is a moot point anyway. Rather, it takes up too much space where more lines and thoughts could have been worked in. It doesn't hurt, in anyway, but still feels too plain compared to the rest of the work.
Other than that, I believe I have no issues with the devices used except maybe at the end where after talking in poetic language you became suddenly literal about needing "imageries and metaphors". It wasn't bad, just felt like a slight change from the pattern followed in your stanzas before. I realize that it continued the pattern of (tree's real behaviour)->(the author's romanticised need for a slight variation of that behaviour), but I'm a bit confused/disoriented as a reader at the end. Take that as you will.
2. Narrative -> characters, conflict and resolution --> the characters are the tree and the narrator, although the tree is not "involved" involved like a real character since this is a poet's hymn to it. The desperation of the starving poet for inspiration, for fortitude, for knowledge is intertwined well in their praise for the various aspects of the tree. Narrative too, was a real strength although there is no standard conflict/resolution . Just a rise in intensity to a crescendo at the end that was relatable and yet made me as a reader feel something. I think that the 2 line version of it, of man trying to find himself in nature is an ever-enduring archetype presented in a new way. No complaints here, although some resolution could have been had if I consider the hunger of the poet and the perceived inability of the tree to provide for him as an internal conflict, and some sort of realization that the tree had indeed made them write something beautiful.
(That might still be present here subliminally)
3. Punctuation — This, although not an issue in reading at all, made me curious for the choices you have taken. No commas, but capitalization and full stops. I feel that a comma here and there would have added to it. Or go the other way and remove most of the punctuation. These amazing articles by Aley help me when I'm confused about this.
Punctuation in Poetry
Capitalization in Poetry
Again, this is one of the better poems I've read on YWS in recent times, and I hope you come up with more nature poetry.
Keep writing and sharing!
Wow. Thank you for such a detailed review. I'm happy you enjoyed it! I'll be sure to take your critique in mind, especially with the sudden shift to "imageries and metaphors" and the punctuation. Thank you so much!