She asks me to slather her feet
with oil (as if it cured her arthritis),
which only makes her legs buttery.
Her skin, loose like dough,
might be getting looser
as I knead it over and over,
And her bones feel like they’d snap
like pieces of chocolate
being folded into the batter.
Toes pruned, nails nutty—
I have no recipe to make fine legs
from this mess of a mixture,
And neither does she;
by now she knows
I can't sweeten her aches.
All she knows is hands,
when careful like a baker’s,
feel warm and tender.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello, hello! I'm here to review!
First and second stanza - loving them. The smilies, the imagery, ALL of it! Just... wonderful. It can see the lady's feet, the description is just immaculate. The rest of the poem is like this, and I love it so much. It's so so so nice to read. For the first two stanzas, one could guess its about some womanly figure, be it grandmother, mother or significant other, that this person is taking care of, the massage them, make sure they don't get sore for whatever the reason may be. The person they are helping seems frail, maybe.
The next two! It's gets a bit... dark? I guess. I dunno how to describe it. You can seem the resentment the person may hold towards them, this character or person knowing this lady won't be what she was in her prime but she still thinks she can be like that, that she still is, perhaps? They know shes weak, needing to taken care of.
And the last two. They both know that some issues can't be fixed, no matter how badly they want them to be. Her bones ache, her muscles and tendons and maybe even her heart for something she can no longer have. So you/the character are there to comfort her, make her believe she is still what she was or to help her relive those days in some way, shape or form.
Otherwise, that's about all from me! I really liked it. It read well and I LOVED the description.
- Cow
Thank moo so much for the review! I really appreciate it!
The pun, I love it. And of course! <3
Hi Haraya! I don't normally review poetry just because I'm not as familiar with it as prose, but seeing as it's Team Tortoise, what better way to branch out?
I read this yesterday (and it looks like you changed a few things--unless I'm going crazy haha) and I really, really love it. I agree with xenon; I think this is a really interesting, unique, and effective metaphor. The comparison of the grandmother to read and inability to "sweeten her aches" demonstrates really well the fragility of the grandmother (and how as we age, we get more and more fragile) and sadness of the narrator. Despite that, I think it also has a really hopeful tone at the end with the last stanza, with the grandma finding comfort in love.
This is my favorite stanza. I think it reads very smoothly and the image here is really clear. Also, I at first interpreted this in a really negative way--the grandmother's body deteriorating, because when dough is loose, that usually signifies it "breaking"--thicker dough is typically better. However now I'm wondering if it perhaps is supposed to be a more optimistic line, because when the goal of a massage is to loosen the muscles of a person.
This line here reads a bit awkwardly to me. I think it might sound better as "as if it could cure her arthritis" just because the rest of the poem is in present tense. I'm also wondering if the arthritis mention is ever needed--through the imagery in the rest of the poem, it's pretty clear that grandma is fragile/getting older (bones breaking). That being said, I don't really mind it in there, just something I thought I'd mention.
I don't know how I feel about the word choice "sweeten". I like it because it ties into the food/baking metaphor here, but for me it ties in too much to the chocolate metaphor two stanzas above.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. The tone and message really shined through, and I think the metaphor was a really good choice (I can't stop thinking about the loose dough stanza!!). I hoped this helped somewhat. Thanks for sharing!
Peace,
~EternalRain
Thank you so much! This really helped me a lot!
this is a stunning metaphor! there's both fragility and strength conveyed in this piece - fragility conveyed in the fear of breaking bones, loosening skin, etc., but strength in the ability to put up with that pain and understand that it will not go away. i've never seen a metaphor like this used for a massage but it makes perfect sense! the final stanza is especially striking - the idea of something not having to be made up pretty or disguised, just made comfortable. good work!
Thank you for the review!