The voice

by Hanorah

  • Poetry

Published April 6, 2013

In Poems

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Its strange how someone can be so close,
yet feel like they are miles apart.
it makes you feel empty,
like there is a massive hole in your heart.

You know the best thing is to cry,
but you keep it all inside.
You know the best thing is to try,
but all you want to do is hide.

You try not to listen to the voice mind,
always trying to bring you down.
but you can't it's part of you and sometimes makes you blind,
It makes sure you always wear your frown.

You've got to stop this craziness,
dont listen to that voice.
Or else everything will end up in a mess,
its all up to your choice.

Dont sit back,
dont stay alone.
Dont think of all the things you lack,
you've got to change your tone!

If you carry on this way,
Nothing will be mended,
It'll give that voice a chance to say,
Ive won!Your reign will have ended.
Comments & reviews · 3
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Yourmysterygirl
Review
Yourmysterygirl wrote a review Review · Apr 20, 2013

I like the middle of this poem it was deep and i just really liked it mostly when it says "You know the best thing is to cry, but you keep it all inside. You know the best thing is to try,
but all you want to do is hide. You try not to listen to the voice mind, always trying to bring you down. but you can't it's part of you and sometimes makes you blind, It makes sure you always wear your frown. You've got to stop this craziness, don't listen to that voice. Or else everything will end up in a mess, its all up to your choice." I always put so many thoughts in my head and they get me depressed and angry with myself because i get to a point that everything falls apart an i cant do anything about it. Buts its true Its all up to me to make my own choices.

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EnchantedPanda
Review
EnchantedPanda wrote a review Review · Apr 7, 2013

Hello Hanorah,

EnchantedPanda here to review for you!

Ahhh, this is such a cute little poem you've got here. I really liked the theme of listening to what our heart is telling us and being guided by the direction of our soul and not being restricted by our own suffocating and critical thoughts. It's a message of bravery and being brave with our choices if we have the privilege of making them. I really like reading poems like this, with strong, powerful messages and inspirational themes. The way you've written this makes it obvious to the reader what you are aiming for and it is concise and clear with it's messages. I thought you wrote this pretty well and the upbeat style was a good match for the inspirational messages behind this. I don't have much criticism so I'll be brief and jump straight to the point (I'll try not to ramble.)

I'm not sure I totally dig the rhyme scheme. I see what you were trying to achieve, but I think in parts it just dumbs this done and makes it too simple. I would try and be more adventurous with my rhymes if I was you or just simply ditch the rhyming altogether. In some parts I felt that it restricted the power of the poem- and for a poem about freedom, this didn't really make sense to me. Either way, it's fine. I juts thought I'd mention it so that you knew it was detracting from the quality of the poem in some areas.

Just a little nitpick;

but you can't it's part of you and sometimes makes you blind,
It makes sure you always wear your frown.


The first line of this quote was a lot bigger than the rest of the poem and stood out to me because of the uneven syllable count. I would recommend rewording this and cutting it down, because right now it's simply disrupting the flow of the poem and makes it feel awkward.

That's my review. Sorry for the brevity of it, I couldn't find much else wrong with this and I didn't think it was necessary to cover every tiny mistake, i think you know what areas you need to work on without me pointing them all out. I hope at least some of this was helpful to you. Keep me updated if you want another review or have any comments or questions etc. I'd be happy to help you out in any way that I can. keep up the awesome writing, this was really good!

From EnchantedPanda

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HellLightning Review
HellLightning wrote a review Review · Apr 6, 2013

Oh my God, this poem totally reminds me of myself during one particular part of my past. Very nicely written. I like the fact that it's very clear and understandable, there is no confusion about what you wanted to say. However, it's interesting that, in opposite of what people usually think and say, in this poem you say that we should listen to our heart and ignore our mind. Though, I have to say that it would be better to listen to the mind, because emotions usually lead to getting hurt. But unfortunately, it's impossible to ignore emotions. >.<

However, the poem is really nice, I like it very much!

Greetings from Croatia to the author :D



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