Lock with no key

Hey! Wow, I really liked this poem! (Even if the story seems a bit clichè)

I think that it flowed very nicely together and the rhyming structure and scheme was tighter and less obvious than some other poems like this I have read.

So, like I said before, I think that when a person writes a poem about something like unrequited love, that they run the risk of having it come off as clichè and unoriginal. And I feel that maybe the words you used to tell the story were quite generic and it seemed to just blend in with all the other unrequited love poems I have read.

I think that you could of told the story of an unrequited love, more creatively than you did here. (Don't get me wrong, I loved the poem) It's just that maybe you could of, instead of talking outright about that person and the feelings that are had. Maybe you could compare it to something else, or tell a story that is actually a metaphor for an unrequited love. I think that if you did this, that the poem not only takes on a different tone, but it also separates it from all the other generic love poems out there.

All in all, I liked the poem very much, I liked the feeling and emotion that it had, but if you could only transfer that emotion into something less typical and more creative, then you could give this piece a lot more depth and feeling to it. I really like your work, and I definitely want to read some more by you in the future. Keep writing, and as always, have an awesome day!

great ! great structure and use of words. I love the way! its excellent and good use of adjectives. i want to read more of your excellent work! your such a great writer and i want to read more of your fantastic work! i love they its set out and i love the way you have used speech and punctuation. Please post more of your work and give everybody the pleasure of reading it!

Wow. This is beautiful, and really heart breaking. it sparks somthing inside of me, it is exactly how i'm feeling at the moment. i love how you have used your words wisely and that it triggers emotion. which i feel is key to poems. i also love ther title and it drew me in instantly, very eye catching title if i do say. i really like this poem, it's just plain awsome! keep it up and post more! i cant wait to read! xxx

OhmaGosh this poem is soo emotional Rofl
you are soo talented its like some kind of romantic love in rl
:O I love the second paragraph!

Excellent! I loved reading this! Its excellent and one of the best poems on here. Exactly explains the way i felt once, its not great. Really good use of punctuation and structure. LOVE THIS! PLEASE POST MORE OF YOUR EXCELLENT TALENTED POEMS!

i have to admit that the poem is pretty heart -breaking, you have a great way to express it.
I loved the part where its like

"Every word you say is like a song,
but when I try to talk it comes out wrong.
I look at your face,then this empty space,
even the thought of you makes my heart race."

because it describes the emotions in an accurate way.

I also loved how you described one-sided love as a " lock with no key "


I still have a little remark, you should capitalize the first letter from every sentence

Greetings. I have to say it's certainly not atrocious, and while I would have to agree with Flow for a large bit of this review, I'll elaborate on a few things I found in particular. The thing is it has the sound of a generic pop song that may or may not follow along the lines of something Hannah Montana-esque [is that still a thing? I don't know, but you get it]. I can get the emotion out of it and I can kind of dig it, but for the most part, I can't get past the boring of it. Foremost, the first line is "I'm in love with you" which is a line so ordinary and about a subject so potentially emotional that you should really be able to give us something good here, but instead you give us "I'm in love with you." I guess what I'm saying is "prove it." Prove it that you love this dude, I mean, it's one thing to say the word love and it's another thing to write a poem about it. I have this idea about love poems that you should refrain from using the word "love" as much as possible, yet still manage to convey the emotion thoroughly. To further my idea, I think it should be kind of easy, you know? Or kind of common sense that if an emotion such as love provokes the desire to write a poem about it, that poem should be able to kind of rip your heart out, you know?

Anyway, I just think you should re-think your basis or your reason for writing this.

Beyond that, you're trying to make it rhyme, which I get, is HARD. I like that you rhyme and are making that kind of effort, but you need to go for level 100 kind of stuff, instead of just the easiest word that rhymes and makes sense. Example:

"This pain in my heart will never heal,
But I have to try to make out like it's no big deal."

This. I can't.

You've gotta push yourself. Make the emotion push you and drive you forward into a great poem. No one is too far from their potential. Just keep writing.

Ok, well first of I would like to introduce myself. My name is Flow, and I will be your reviewer for the evening. Everything I say is to help your writing so please don't get upset over anything I say.

The first thing I noticed was that you have almost the whole poem in four line stanza's, then you stop in the last two. I figure you just ran out of things to rhyme so you dropped the stanza length, but that makes it look choppy and not thought out.

You rhyme in this whole piece which is a hard thing to do as a writer. In order to rhyme a poem you also have to make the poem flow. This is very choppy with the rhyming and it makes it hard to read. I can see your rhyme scheme but you don't have to rhyme to make a poem. I prefer not to see it because so many people have trouble with it. Work on making your poem flow out of your mouth. If you can read it aloud and not stop or stumble then it probably flows fairly well.

The major problem I have here is that this is another of the, oh so many, love poems without anything in it. You told me a very short, painfully lacking in detail, loss of colorful words, poem. In order for a love poem to work you have to make the reader feel. Right now I feel like you were a stalker girl or guy that sat in the corner watching whoever. I don't know anything about either character. I don't know why this person wouldn't like you because you don't tell me anything. Just because you know what happened doesn't mean I will.

To make this work you have to tell and story and use metaphors. Colorful words make everything better, dark metaphors that make the reader cringe. I want to feel what you feel and I don't feel anything at all when I read this piece.

This needs a lot of work but it could be potentially a good poem. Let me know if you need any help with anything.

Hello, Hanorah! GriffinClaw, here to review!

I love this poem. The feelings and vulnerability of the girl is very profound and beautifully written, so the reader can feel included.
The topic and the poetic-ness (is that a word? It is, I said so. XD) of this poem is beautiful, so all I have to add is some grammatical errors.

"I look at your face,then this empty space,"

"And that,I guess is how the story goes."

These should have a space after the comma.

"I have to admit,it wasn't love at first sight,
i barely even know you,but it still took flight."

This needs a space after each comma, and the "i" needs to be capitalized.

I was confused with the dots in the last stanza, do you need them?

"This lock has no key
..........
Because I fell in love with a guy who could never love me"

And this also needs a period to end the poem.

Overall, this a great work of art. I love the way the feelings are expressed so clearly and with such grace.

Continue writing and being amazing!

~GC

Love love love love this . This story of a venerable insecure girl that is hopelessly in love with a guy that is bound to never return her love is so emotional .

I love how you described his words being like a song , referring to how they sounded beautiful . That's incredible . This title is also so fitting . I really love how you have given this a bitter sweet taste .