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137,526 Literary Works • 672,042 Reviews
Wow, I really enjoyed trying to crack this one... no pun intended.
Anyway, so Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Today I'm going to review "flip" by Hannah!
I really like the use of symbolism and hyperbole in this piece. It's really charged up! ...Not like I can say the same for those jumper cables, though. The lack of capitals, of course, is intentional, and so is the almost complete lack of punctuation. It just serves as testament to the speaker's state of mind in this piece.
Now, I want to note but one thing about this piece: It could be longer. Of course, this is just my personal opinion, and it's all your call. I'm just saying that I think this piece is so condensed, it gives too much of a message for me to properly comprehend. I don't know, it's probably because I'm a rookie at this, so take my words with a grain of salt if you need to.
So, yeah, that's it! Take care, and I expect to read more of your works in the future! As always, remember that practice is the key, and keep writing!
Knight Hannah!
It's so good to see your clementine name up there on the screen. <333 We've missed you.
The only comment I have for your poem (besides the fact that it's really interesting) is that you could switch the first and second lines of the poem to get better repetition. That is:
becomes (after getting rid of the "a")
It gives repetition to the overall poem, since the stand-alone lines all start with "broken", and then the first line of the second couplet starts with "in-".
Oh, and then to further match the pattern you could put a comma after "egg". Just realized that's how the other lines are written.
Hope this helps!
~Knight Dragon
Hello!
This is very different to most other poems I've read, not that I've read many...
I like the idea of it, it's interesting.
One main thing I would say is your capitals, at the beginning on each line, especially at the very start of this piece of work, you need to have capital letters. It tends to make it easier when reading when capital letters are in place. You also have a space between 'salt water' and the comma, which doesn't need to be there.
I liked how the lines went 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, I like patterns. It made it fun to read, for me. I also liked the repetition of 'broken down'
Keep it up.
~Molly