Does anyone out there think I'm worth it?
Would anyone listen to every little petty plea
To every worry, every bit of self-condemning pity?
These days I feel like curling up inside myself.
No more wasting people's times --
I'll just hide inside myself.
I'll just be talking to myself.
And I will yell and I will scream and I will rage and I will dream
I will let out what has been building up inside.
It's hard to hide.
But stay inside.
I can't let out this side of me.
I cannot let you people see
The pain the hurt the rage the sadness
Coursing through my veins.
I want you to be happy
And I want you to be free
But I want this all to happen and I want you to love me.
I can't explain I can't get out
The feelings that I want to shout
If I opened up my heart to you
You'd take a knife right to the fragile flesh
There would be nothing left.
Is there someone out there
That would be gentle?
Someone that knows just how to use these fucking doctor's tools?
The ones that don't hurt
The ones that leave my heart intact.
I can't explain, I can't let out this pain.
I want to share -- I want to let you know just why I keep myself in side. I can't. I can't I can't.
I apologize.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
I completely agree with you on this subject. It feels like we can't trust anyone because they would just hurt us. We are fragile beings, we break and people just don't understand. They don't understand the anger that we are put through. This is one of the best poems that I have read! I can't agree more with the lines of this poem. I have to say that everything in this poem is intact and proper.The only thing I would possibly change is the repetition of certain words.
Well, you warned us about the spitting of rage, so I guess I'm not surprised by what I saw...hahaha.
Anger seems to touch a lot of people. I used to write angrily about a lot of things, because when I was sixteen, rage was all I thought I had. It's interesting and sad to see that so many people still let anger influence their works. I guess that's something about humanity that we'll never understand...but I'm digressing...the work is good, and even a bit unnatural, which is to say that it is unpredictable. I like unpredictable. That makes it just that much more fun to read. Thank you for posting this. I can't say I found any real fault in this that the others haven't already spotted.
Thanks for the review, Jordan!
Eeeps, and sorry, Snoink! For some reason I had this thing in my head from how they rate movies and that they are allowed to say that word three times before it's rated R or something. o_O; Ehhh, I'm such a scatterbrain! I'll go re-rate my 'Unzipped' series then too. ^_^ Sorry about that~
-scuttles off-
*Rated R for language*
Awesome, very mysteriously, and interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Well, I am contemplating about whether I should add punctuation because it was just a complete outpouring of emotion -- I wrote it in about two minutes flat and didn't stop to punctuate it correctly, in order to show the flow and rush, the flood of emotion. I'm glad you could still feel the emotion! ^_^
Also, I'll fix the myself and break up that one long line, but I like the repetition of 'myself' so I'm keeping that. C: Thank you so much for your critique! ^_^
-Hannah-
this is good, just wheres the punctuation? Besides for the odd period i didn't really see any. besides that, great job. you could really feel the emotion in the words