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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey there, this Review Day I've decided to dabble in some poetry! I don't really read or write poetry, so I have no idea what I'm talking about. Instead of trying to critique technique, since I would probably lead you astray, I'll give you my impressions as a reader, and you can decide if it's the desired effect or not
I love the title and it drew me in right away. At first glance I thought the bullet points were a strange choice, but as soon as I read the line about the list, it all made sense, and I really liked that. The beginning is fantastic. I loved this part:
I felt like I could really understand what the narrator is saying. Kind of a, where has my life gone? Things have happened and time has passed but what significance has it all amounted it? Kind of a sad perspective, really.
The bit about the corn fields is a cool metaphor. It doesn't resonate with me as well, and after thinking about it, it's probably because I've spent my whole life in the northeast. Corn fields isn't something I see much, so that's kind of an interesting change for me. I think my version of this would be the endless pine forests that stretch alongside the road. Driving for hours on the interstate with nothing but the same forest forever.
I didn't quite understand why the narrator is wondering about being born in the wrong place or wrong time. I guess I'm wondering what other place and time they are thinking of? Is there a particular time in history they're envious of, or is it just a vague sense of not fitting in?
I really liked the part about reading a fairy tale and feeling too old. Then there's the wrong place wrong time thing again and I didn't really get that part with the ending. I also felt the last line, "And I was sad," was a bit bland and lacking in subtlety. I wonder if it would be stronger to end at the "That I am too old"? That's a very powerful and tragic thought right there, and I felt like the stuff afterward kind of undermined it.
Thanks for sharing and happy writing!
I actually can't understand this. Wait! Don't disregard this review because I said that. Because I totally understand this but I can't decided what to say about it. I liked it... I guess. That "I guess" isn't a "it's bearable" kind of "I guess" its an "I am puzzled and perplexed and intrigued" kind of "I guess."
So what I see in this poem is a lack of experience and a lack of deep thought which meshes soooooo well with the surprising list-form of the poem. Its bland. But blandness is the style of this poem. You've done something very interesting with blandness. You personified it through your words and form. The form is surprising yet hardly poetic. The words are hardly surprising and hardly poetic but have a certain amount of powerful truthness. I can totally relate to the boringness. I can totally understand what you're saying. And the way that you state it is both fascinating and boring at the same time. How you did it is odd. And thats what I love about this poem. I don't know what I say. This seems a wonder-piece of poetry. The kind of poem which is indescribably good.
For some reason this poem reminds me of three hole punch paper. I don't know why. But it does. Maybe its the bullet points...
I liked this poem. I don't know why. But I loved it. Keep writing and remember to choose some sort of odd-spark to make your poem clever. You seem an interesting and clever person.
Wow. I love this poem.
This line is perfect. It makes everything seem so endless.
"A mile of corn fields
On the way to
The end
Of the world."
This section made me feel like somebody finally understood, "that I am too old" there's really nothing left of me, I'm missing all these opportunities that I can't find the energy to reach for...
"I once read
A fairy tale
And it was happy
And I was happy
And then I realized
That I am too old"
Or
And the final hit...
"In the wrong place
At the wrong time
And I was sad"
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. It's so RELATABLE. I can feel everything and the chopped off format stretches out the poem, the way the narrator's life is so stretched out and dreary.
God, I love your poetry.