Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Author's Note: This was not meant to be nearly as depressing as it turned out to be. I kind of just started writing and decided to see where it led me. No, I am not depressed or deranged.
.
The Realist
I was looking out my window
Gazing at the sky
When suddenly it hit me
I am going to die
.
I shut my window and closed my book,
Thinking why should I even try?
I couldn't see a goddamn point
We're all just waiting to die
.
We're all just dying bodies
In or out of a grave
To the reign of unreversable time
We're nothing but a slave
.
I had tears in my eyes
As I laid down to sleep
But I brushed them aside with a confident stroke
Life's too short to weep
.
I got out of my bed
And went into the street
I walked out of town and I walked out of time
With the rhythm of death bestowed in my feet
.
We're already dead
So I pulled out a gun
And as I walked down the street
I shot everyone
.
I set fire to the houses
I murdered and I stole
I burned and I shattered whatever I took
And I took all to bitterly life's ending toll
.
Woman screamed and children wept
The stars sighed and the clouds cried
I cocked and I fired, without caring to aim
Because I didn't care who died
.
Blue lights surrounded me
Alarms rung
I watched as the bullets slowly approached
And broke through my skin; piercing my lung
.
I fell to my knees
Gasping for breath
Everyone else I'd thought ready to die
But I wasn't ready for death
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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
I never expected to see a poem in a serial killer's point of view. It's my belief, too, that a negative opinion would be the killer's reason to put everyone else to death, but as soon as the gun is pointed at them, they change their minds by saying, "Please, I'm not ready for it." Then, we think that they thought that their victims were ready to die instead of them? It's great that you put these topics on the table. Poems like these get people to thinking about interesting things.
The poem you created is how I actually feel a lot of the time. It is very odd and scary when you realise that you are going to die. It’s an unknown which only the dead know of.
Your opening perfectly described that feeling. It comes out of nowhere and no matter how hard you try you are left with a sinking feeling which leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
I liked the sudden dark turn you had in the middle of the poem. It came out of nowhere and added an ever darker twist to an already dark poem.
I also really liked your ending:
We see this poet as being selfish. He has taken life yet doesn’t want his own to go. It’s strange. Why did the poet choose to take lives? Did the thought of death really make him snap so much that he had to end so many more lives? It was a strange and dark poem which I greatly enjoyed. Keep up the good work!
Hi, mate. My name is pinkie, but you can call me pinkie pie! I love to be your reviewer today! Please, excuse me as I put on my glasses. *put on glasses* Let's get it started!
As everyone say, this is the best poem ever! It is very interesting and understanding! I always felt like that when I am alone. I felt emotional sad when I saw this poem. I know you just writing, but I felt sad about it. However, you have many grammar errors like the KatyaElefant say. However, I liked it. I hope to read more from you! I enjoyed this poem very much!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S.: Happy Review Day!
First thing that I think of when I read this. Wow! This is such a wonderful piece. It has a few issues but wow. I love this! I has a good theme and it has a lot of rhythm, which I don't see in a lot of pieces.
One thing that I found weirdly stated was, "Everyone else I'd thought ready to die". I am really confused about what this statement means and if you can rephrase it to it sound a bit more better. You also have a BIG problem with punctuation. You have to have in your poem so that it isn't a big run on sentence. A period after the last sentence could really bring out the sentence.
This also could make a good story story or novel. You could explain about where this man came from. Why he feels like this. All the things included in a story or novel.
On your note at the beginning of the piece, I totally understand why anyone would want to write something like this. Sometimes and idea pops into your head and you just want to share it to the world. It changes into something that people may not accept and then they start worrying about you. The note at the top of piece is very good to have there, just in case.
Your piece is wonderful in many ways. I love everything about it. Keep writing.
Well, this took a very sudden turn to a more sinister wording quite early on, which I didn't expect at all, but I like it
Now I have read quite a few depressing poems and poems about death in my day, but this one stood out. Not because it was all fancy about it, or it disguised the true meaning in complicated words, because it really didn't.
In fact you wrote this in a rather upbeat tone, almost happy at some points. Maybe that's just me, but the rhythm seemed quite bouncy to me.
I also loved that sudden twist at the end "but I wasn't ready for death" because it points out a weakness in the character who has up till now seemed very cold and unforgiving.
All i can say that isn't positive is punctuation. There is no punctuation at the end of the lines, which I think is a very important part of poetry. Try it maybe, but in the end it's your thing
Keep it up! I would love to read more of your work
Thanks
Hi
Sorry but there will be a blank comment from me. It was an accident. Anyway...
This is great. I couldn't really relate because I've never thought of killing anyone but it had some great emotion. It was really well written. Personally I would change:
"everyone else I'd thought ready to die"
To:
"I'd thought everyone else was ready to die"
Or something similar. But that's my opinion. Besides, it works either way.
Good job. Keep writing.