Chrysanthemums

Hello!

This is a very well-written poem. Very deep and uplifting, it was a joy to read.

I don't have much to say, except there were a couple grammatical mistakes that I happened to notice.

In the 3rd stanza, I believe that it would make more sense to change "does" to "did". Also, I believe you meant to use "sun rise" instead of "sunrise". "Sunrise" is used as a noun but "sun rise" is used to describe the sun rising.
That would make the phrase: "why did the sun rise if only to set?"

Another similar error I noticed is that in the last line of the 4th stanza, "worthwhile" should be one word.

Here are a couple of other things that you may not have caught:

In the 3rd line of the 1st stanza, it should be "and each day she lays out, waters, and nurtures".
In the 1st line of the 2nd stanza, there should be a comma after the word "confusion".
In the 3rd line of the 2nd stanza, instead of the comma after "nightfall", it should be a period.

(Okay, I actually wrote a lot more, but like half of it got deleted because my wifi sucks ewe)

So, I'll skip to the end.

I'm a bit confused. You should either use punctuation, or not.
There are some places where you seem to be avoiding punctuation, but others you add punctuation.
Consistency is very important.

And I believe you also have a few tense errors in there that you may want to check.

Hope this helped.
Keep up the good work!


Ƥєтєя Ƥαη

Hello Tuesday here for a review. I like to begin that I enjoyed the message you were providing in this poem since when people would read a poem, they would be fond of messages that the writer has put into the piece of work they wrote or something. I also enjoyed the parts where the girl would ask her past, why must everything die. This shows a common notice to people since we ask ourselves, why must everything die? Truly a great question without an answer but in the poem you said that not everything dies.

Nitpick(s):

There are some parts of this poem that are just run on, like the questions don't reach an end. They are bland, to a point. Like the speaking between the past and the girl seems drawn out and mostly that is good (but in this case, that isn't want you want.) I would suggest maybe the past answer as soon as the question is stated. Also the questions seem a bit cliche, to me.

and one day her memories, in utter confusion

as your past burned out we have survived

First may I say I very much enjoyed this poem. The use of an extended metaphor for the chrysanthemum seeds and death is rather clever and draws in the readers attention. This also keeps your readers attention on the girl.

What initially drew me to opening this poem was the title, I don't know if it was intended, but it has the same name as a famous short story by Hemingway. As I was reading it, for some reason it actually reminded me greatly of a portion of that story.

Your use of the imagery is stark and beautiful, pulling attention to different portions of it. The line "as your past burned out we have survived." Caught my attention and made clear the point you were trying to get across.

Overall this is a beautiful and wonderful poem that I greatly enjoyed. Keep it up I'd love to see more.

Hi! I'm Kazey, just here to review.

So, what first attracted me was my love of gardening. When I actually saw your poem, I was surprised, in a good way. It took on a much deeper meaning than I first imagined.

I love how you compared the short-livedness of chrysanthemums with the futility of life. For me, I thought it was a very profound revelation that helped to draw out the deeper meaning.

I also thought the poem was beautifully worded and well put together. It was clear and understandable, as well as easily readable.

However, it could be improved with a little better grammar. For instance, a new line needs a capital letter, and the end of lines need a full stop ( period), comma, exclamation mark etcetera.

Also, while I liked the way you changed the rhyming scheme, I don't think it altogether worked.

On the whole though, a beautiful piece. Well done

~Kazey