a philosopher shouted to a sky full of stars
"i exist"
and the stars
answered "fine so do i"
an astronaut sailed up to the stars
in a ship
and the stars
didn't frown when he died
a soldier as he died looking up to the stars
shook his fist
and the stars
didn't notice his cries
a priest in a chapel proclaimed to the stars
"god exists"
and the stars
were unphased by his lies
a child as he passionately gazed at the stars
made a wish
and the stars
asked if they should care
and the child
answered
"yes."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,291 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi hadj!
i really like your poem so i came back and re-read it. i love the way you format our poem in a specific order from character to style to content. The child's innocence and some what ignorance show a contrast in character. As a first impression the stars are stuck up. However reading on, it's humanity's fault that they look up to the starts in the first place. so far all the characters look up to the stars looking for something, hoping or waiting. Only the child directly talks back ta the stars but even then it seems that it is a bit absurd that one would wish upon stars in the first place. It is a wonderful poem .
You might want to watch out for the ''I's" but other than that it's a great way of showing how we at times can be mislead by putting our faith in trivial things as this.
I love the way you formatted this poem, it fits very well with it.
This poem is really nice. It's short but deep and those are the poems that get people thinking the most. I like how you went from a philosopher to an astronaut, to a soldier, etc. I also like the formatting, it added to the poem. The child at the end saying 'yes' is the perfect way to end because it is as if someone is finally standing up to the stars who seem to think they're better than all of the people. Good poem!
The poem is written from an absurdist perspective, that is that everything is in utter chaos and there there is no purpose to our existence. The stars don't think they are "better" than anyone. The only thing worse than disapproval is complete indifference.
Welcome to YWS
When the child responds "yes", it is displaying the supposed ignorance held by humanity, specifically a child, who seems to think that there is importance to their existence.
Hi Hadj, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
This is a pretty nice poem to read. I love that you set the stars to be a bit stuck up, if I am not mistaken.
I also really liked the small rhyming scheme that you had going, it really helped the poem move along at a steady pace. Normally the mix of short and long lines don't go to well and mess up the rhythm, but surprisingly yours flowed pretty well.
If I had to nit-pick about something it would be that you didn't capitalize your i's, like in this line ("i exist")
I think you should write it like this ("I exist")
The ending is absolutely beautiful and sums up the entire poem and is a perfect way to finish. It is a really simple yet powerful poem. Well done. I look forward to more of your work and I hope you have a great day\night.
The poem is written from an absurdist perspective, that is that everything is in utter chaos and there there is no purpose to our existence. The stars aren't meant to be "stuck up" but rather to be entirely indifferent.
The entire poem was intentionally lowercase and without punctuation besides the period at the end.
wow! i really like your poem. it's simple and easy to understand but there is so much more depth in the words. for me its simplicity brings out its forcefulness.