Live your life through sound proof walls
Blocking the lies and deceit in the halls
Uncertainty is your new first name
And the adjective that best fits is insane
Your mind now makes little sense
As it jumps from past to present tense
The world will laugh as your smile fades
Stealing the light from your coming days
It's sickly out there, that's for sure
The world around you brandished in war
But let me promise, you child of new
The light is closely following you
You don't know everything and you never will
To survive in this maze, you'll need more than pure skill
The darkness swears to steal your soul
And if you believe that, you'll never reach your goal
Close your eyes and reach out your hand
Jump off the ledge and you'll somehow land
Look for the sun that was stolen from you
Revisit yourself and make you true
A prisoner hesitates on their own
Go out and save her and you'll never be torn
You cannot find yourself if you were never made
Throw away the telescope and begin to create
You need no one's permission to be alive
So stand up and live your life full with pride
It's time to make your decision, my dear
Fight for freedom or fall for fear?
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
I love it! But the thing is you only used 1 punctuation mark. I think your poem is very good because it sounds mysterious and I like the rhymes that you used. Please keep writing because you are very good. I think everyone should read this poem because it really is cool.
The last line was absolutely fantastic. I actually loved it so much that I'm going to overlook all the little grammar or punctuation nitpicks.
The poem in general was quite good - even though it rhymed, it wasn't forced (most of the time) and it felt like it was flowing naturally. Overall, very good job my friend, keep writing.
Really good in my opinion, the rhyming was well made, the weight was correct and flowing, and the words powerful and interesting.
I think there was a bit of nonsense there that made it even better, it was quite philosophical and very sophisticated and intelligent.
At some points the rhymes were a bit off, but the weight- which was extraordinary in my opinion- made it unimportant.
I also liked the symbolic parts here and there, and the whole second person view kind of writing.
I want to see more things like that, so keep writing.
Really good poem! I loved the message it gave. Really, really, great! I didn't seen any grammer errors. And there was only one part of the poem that I felt was forced and didn't flow as smoothly as the rest.
The last two lines of the first stanza:
I'm not sure how you want to fix that (or even if you wantto fix it), but the rest of the poem is smoother then these lines.
My favorite line it the last. It really ties it all together. Good job!
All in all, really good! I loved it!