Young Writers Society

Thanks for the reviews, guys. :3

Hypocrites have ugly teeth
With lies well strewn in all they reap
And backs bent with tempers flaring
Hearts are unworthy, thoughts are daring(period) Other than that, this is perfect.

Hypocrites have spiny hair
That cracks and sizzles in the air
With grease caking every trembling finger Good imagery, but this line is too long, as well as the one following it
And curled cryptic nails that love to linger(period)

Hypocrites have yellow skin
That flakes and cakes like grease on tin
And shrivels in the dampestsunlight
Their pride and hatred fits too tight(period)

Hypocrites have shifty eyes
That holdsthe truth in all their lies greatt two lines here
Their voices waver like leaves in wind
Defining worlds they’d never live in(period)

Hypocrites have wild intelligence
To gently ease every muscle tense 'tense' is the wrong word to use here because it sounds so similar to the end of intelligence
With shrilling laughter like an out of tune bell
And ideas and thoughts they share and sell(period)

Hypocrites are you and me
They make up what we wish to be AHH SO GOOD
Unhopeful dreams we hold in the air
Hypocrites disguise themselves as fair

The word(comma) an insult to all those daft
Hypocrites are held in your every laugh
Your smiles, your grins, your heart and love
A hypocrite marked from below to above

Angel wings grace not one’s back
And over our heads, we all hold a sack This image comes off as funny rather than deep.
Hiding our sadly faithful identity 'sadly faithful' sounds bad for some reason
A letter to all that we wish none to see if it's hiding it wouldn't be so obvious as a letter... or if its a warning then I'd make this line a little more clear

Hypocrites have broken hearts
And they spend their time picking up the parts
Their entire lives have been left behind
Hypocrites have been lost in time They seem pretty prevalent if we are all hypocrites

The imagery in this poem blew me away, very nice job
-KatTrain

And backs bent with tempers flaring
Hearts are unworthy, thoughts are daring

And curled#FF0000 ">, cryptic nails that love to linger

Their voices waver like leaves in wind
Defining worlds they’d never live in

Hypocrites have wild intelligence
To gently ease every muscle tense
With shrilling laughter like an out of tune bell
And ideas and thoughts they share and sell

Hypocrites are you and me

Hiding our sadly faithful identity

Hypocrites have broken hearts
And #FF0000 ">They spend their time picking up the parts

Hypocrites have ugly teeth
With lies well strewn in all they reap
And backs bent with tempers flaring
Hearts are unworthy, thoughts are daring

Hypocrites have #FF0000 ">spiny hair #FF0000 ">What do you mean spiny?
That cracks and sizzles in the air
With grease caking every tremblingfinger
And curled and cryptic nails that love to linger

I really liked reading this because as I continued to read through it I felt like I was looking into a distorted reflection of myself and I think it's great when I can relate to poetry because most times I find that incredibly hard. I liked your use of imagery, and the way you described Hypocrites but I didn't see the point to it all. I feel like there should have been a huge explosion of beautiful words at the end, and a beautiful resolution but it didn't happen. It just kept going on.

Hope this helped,

Anger

Hi Quill! ^^ Here to review -- obviously.

The title of this poem is what dragged me into reading, I think - and I'm glad that I did. At first, I noticed that the poem rhymed, and I sort of grew iffy on the whole thing. The good thing? You totally pulled off -most- of the rhymes. (Which is something that I very rarely see, so am I happy about it? Absolutely).

There were, however, a few lines that didn't fit right and a couple rhymes that both sounded forced and disrupted the flow:

Hypocrites have yellow skin
That flakes and cakes like grease on tin
#FF0000 ">And shrivels in the dampest sunlight
Their pride and hatred fits too tight

Hypocrites have wild intelligence
To gently ease every muscle tense
#FF0000 ">With shrilling laughter like an out of tune bell
And ideas and thoughts they share and sell

Angel wings grace not one’s back
And over our heads, we all hold a sack