Escape the cold skin of
a near certain empty destiny.
Beyond its silver shrouded storm
lies an uncharted broken nothingness,
poisoned by the mystery of the endless beyond,
unworthy of even the darkness which it consumes.
Hidden from the thought of home
I see the glass that is your soul
shattering at the hand of my
uninvited fervid flames.
Enclosed in a time of absurdity
I plead that you surrender to the
vibrant strumming of my heart.
Aching with a secret guilt
veiled by the envious flame,
I struggle to calm my thirst for
the past and the future;
I am a dreamer by sight --
fiercely blinded by the rise of desire...
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey! I liked this poem. You really described how it is to be dreamer. I especially liked the ending when you said,
"I am a dreamer by sight --
fiercely blinded by the rise of desire..."
I liked how you described the dreamer being blinded by desire. I think everyone has a dream that they desire to accomplish though it may not work out but they keep trying. Good job on all the details. Keep writing
Viv here. I knew I'd like this poem. a Dreamer by Sight describing the very essence of a dream.
The first stanza kind of sounds nightmare-ish though.
After reading it again I understand you are talking about goals though. but aren't we all dreamers, we dream as children and very few realize those dreams. Fewer try to accomplish them since society beats them down. Sigh -_- ... I still like the poem though great work.
Ah that's true, but I think part of what defines someone as a dream is their ability to act upon their dreams, if you have dreams yet don't act upon them, what would that make you? Certainly not a dreamer, at least in my perspective. Thank you for reading though! And as to the first stanza seeming a bit nightmare-ish, I wrote it that way because I had a specific dream that I felt as if it had a hold on me, that i was so very invested in, yet it was leading me nowhere.
You perfectly captured what it looks like to see through the eyes of a Dreamer. Your vocabulary and imagery give strength to this piece.
One of my favorite lines is : "Enclosed in a time of absurdity / I plead that you surrender to the / vibrant strumming of my heart."
This is a call to become a dreamer! And I think by the end of the poem, although it paints a picture of recklessness and uncertainty...no reader would want to be anything less.
I for one, know this poem resonated with my heart strings.
Keep writing!
ALittleFallofRain, Thank you very much for the feed back! I'm very glad this poem had that effect on you. I am quite the dreamer and spend most of my time day dreaming, so to have my message come across so strongly to a reader makes me feel quite accomplished. Thank you so much for reading and for the feed back!
Cheers!
Graham
Hey, HT here for a review.
I thought that this was absolutely amazing. Your imagery is powerful, your language is wonderful, and your grammar, spelling, and punctuation are absolutely excellent.
The content of the poem itself is very good. You clearly covered you description, and did so very well. You capture the very essence of the dreamer.
My favorite lines were:
One thing that I think you should change is to break this up into one or two stanzas. But I'm a little torn on whether or not it is long enough to do so. Ultimately, I would like to see this split up a little so it doesn't feel so run-on, but that is just my opinion. If you like it the way it is, well, you're the author and that's your choice. I can only give you suggestions.
Peace,
HT
Hey there HT, in the word document that this is originally written in, it is broken up into three stanzas, I'm not quite sure why they aren't in this published version, but i shall go put them in once I finish this! I would also agree with your favorite lines because they are also my favorite! I'm glad you enjoyed and reviewed another one of my poems, i love getting some feed back and positive feed back is always very nice! Thank you once again!
Cheers!
Graham
HT, I keep trying to separate the stanzas but for some reason it isn't letting me do so...
Geez, I hate the *&%#$@&! formatting! Try pressing shift and then enter when you go to separate it. It might take a few tries, but that's what generally works for the whole population of YWS, all of whom is also cursed by the formatting. I think that Nate did something to tick it off and now it hates all of us.
Alas, I was able to fix it! Thanks for the help!
Amazing description, powerful words, stirring message! Your poem is a invigorating one, it so expertly catches the thoughts of a dreamer. Your expressions and AMAZING illustrations awes me. your talent it great.
Keep it up!
Malachi, Thank you so much for reading man! I'm glad you enjoyed the piece and got the message!
Cheers!
Graham